I'm new to this so I will kick things off with a bit of history.

As you can see in my bio, I'm 40, have biological son (8 years old) & a step daughter (17 years old). I've been married to their father for almost 13 years, so yes, I have been in the SD's life for a considerable amount of time, since she was a young child. One would think that this footnote would help the situation, because I HAVE been a presence in her life......

NOPE. Hasn't had any positive effect. Not even a minuscule amount.

Okay, so my SD lived w/ her mom the majority of her childhood, from birth to 13 years. Her mother left the child's father right after she was born & a bitter hateful custody/child support battle ensued. Did the mom have reasons? Yes. Were they valid? YES. Dad at the time was experiencing "growing pains" & was terrified of being a father. They weren't trying to conceive, the mother had acute endometriosis & wasn't "supposed" to be able to conceive. But, along comes baby X. My husband helped set up & support her through the pregnancy, though he was terrified, he did try. When their daughter was born he had an "Ah-ha"! moment, it was love at 1st sight w/ his daughter. This doesn't mean however that he morphed into the perfect super dad overnight. He gave more effort, but in the end it wasn't enough. However, to his credit the mom never TOLD him she was mad about anything. They never fought b/c she never said if anything was bothering her, she just let it build up until she was about to burst.

At that point, the baby was 2 & 1/2 months, he came home from work to a completely empty home. Everything was gone, and I do mean EVERYTHING. She had hired a moving company to pack up all the homes belongings, many of them NOT hers, some things that my husband had owned & were antiques passed down from his grandparents, but she took ALL OF IT. From the furniture, beds to chairs, tables, all the kitchen items, tv's, antique rugs, ice trays & the home phone. He had a COMPLETELY empty house. He had to start over with nothing. Then comes the child support case. She sued. He paid for 2+ years. Then 1 day at work he has an accident, breaks his knee, needs multiple surgeries. Of course, he had workmanship comp but after a bit even that wasn't enough, paying at 90% then 80% until he went back to work. During all of this he paid his child support, on time.

Long story short, he tried but was behind on c/s. 3 more actions by her in court & his child support had more than doubled to 842.00 p/month for 1 child. This is with non-existent visitation. 9 hours a week. Sunday 5 hours & Monday 4 hours. The kid didn't even spend the night with her dad until she was 8! So when I showed up, around age 4, I never had much time w/ her besides sharing the 9 hours he had with him & the child. Of course, I despise the mother, likewise she me. I helped him get his support reduced & regularly put mom in her place when she got out of hand which was often. Slowly, things did get better. Visitation was increased & the child spent more time with us, starting at 8 years old. She started stealing from me when she turned 9. Books, cd's, DVDs, jewelry, you name it! She took it. If she "borrowed" anything, I never saw it again. Since her connection with her dad was do tenuous he was worthless at discipline. So things still disappeared. At age 10 my clothes start coming up missing, Gucci sunglasses, missing(!) so I finally go into a rage & tell father & child that she cannot look at, touch or "borrow" my things. EVER. This kid at age 9, when I'd ask her to return something would smirk at me behind her dads back. Did I mention her g/parents, dad & mom spoil her?

Things got better for a while....then I got pregnant & things started disappearing again. I let it go b/c mom & daughter were moving, 2 hours away to Tennessee. They left when she was 10 & were gone 1 & 1/2 years coming back when she was almost 12 & an absolute terror. Mom had been engaged to a man she had dated for 5 years. The daughter lied & said he abused her so mom would leave him. Mom couldn't control her anymore. So they move back to be around family & her new little brother. Didn't help. After being back a year her mom finds out that the daughter lied about the abuse, she just didn't think he had the right to tell her what to do. So mom & the ex fiancée start talking again & the daughter becomes more of a little shit. Things get worse & she tells her dad he has to take her. So the now 13, almost 14 year old moves in with us, into a house that had no room to spare to begin with, prompting us to do a mad dash for a bigger house. Which we now have had over 2 years.

This is really the tip of the iceberg. I didn't cover everything. When it was announced my SD was moving in with us I left my husband for 3 months, I was so horrified. No one wanted her. Her grandparents (the 1s who helped spoil her) also said they didn't want her living with them. Eventually I reconciled w/ my husband but its been hell living with my SD. Her little brother, my son absolutely hates her. Everyday is a battle & it takes all my self control not to physically hurt her. Yes. She IS that bad. Anytime she lives with family, they eventually begin to hate her. She deceives, lies, manipulates. But it's always the adults who are crazy. When she lived with her mom from 10-13 almost 14 her mom was a crazy stupid bitch & a liar. In contrast her father & myself were saints. When she moved in w/ us, I became the crazy, stupid bitch/liar & her mom became the saint. No matter what, if the SD lives with you, after a few weeks shit falls apart. The common denominator in this situation has & always will be her, not everyone else is at fault as she states.

I could write a series of novels if I were to post the things she has done to me, just in the past year so I'll save it for another time. I'll leave you with this....my mom is 72, a founder in her church, a very devout Christian who looks for the best in everyone, she has always been this way. She will not have anything to do w/ my SD, having witnessed the evil 1st hand.

It's bad. I've tried being the bigger person. Things are okay as long as I let my SD do whatever she wants, never ask anything of her & let her treat me as a servant & my son as a squatter. We stopped even speaking to each other a month ago. Not a word spoken by me. She's called me a bitch, a whore, a liar, a cunt, said I deserved to lose custody of my son, deserved to die in a fiery car wreck, etc., etc.. She says I steal from her, even though 1 it's not remotely true & our house we've lived in had a lock on the door of her room, I don't even go in there. And I'm okay with that because she's a filthy pig. But I still manage to steal from her. She accuses me of stealing her mail, throwing away packages she is sent (wtf? I've never done this) to the point that if she receives mail, I leave it in the mail box, porch, etc., I won't touch it. She has ruined my relationship with my mother in law & my sons. No longer does grandma do for both children, she only does things for the SD. Back to school g/mother would put together supplies for my son & give him money to back to school shop. SD moves in & as she has always done for her & him, she gives stuff, money & supplies for back to school to both. G/mother has five this since my son started school, this past year was the first year that she deliberately left my son out of the equation. She took SD out shopping & sent home a candy bar to my son. Last year is when the SD really started working on me, telling lies & other bullshit, stuff I know she tells the g/parents. So this trickle down where myself & son are shunned shouldn't come as a surprise.

But it does. And it hurts. It's hurts me, my son & I don't know what to do. It's gotten so bad that it takes all my self control to NOT throttle my SD. I've never known a more cruel person in my life.