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She steals she lies and he defends her!

Hannah.r2's picture

Hi I don't know where to start, but my life is so bad at the min.
I have 2 children of my own with my partner of 7years and his 2 step children, his stepson is fine, lovely little boy polite,caring lovely natured gets on great with my 2 even tho there a lot younger.
Then I have this stepdaughter who's 13!!! Since I've been with him is all she's ever done is lie, she dosnt care who gets the blame with these lies as long as it's not her!!! I've always got on really well with her but deep down I've never liked her because of the lies, I've had so many talks with her over the lying situation because it really bugs me. In the last 3 years tho her lies have been accompanied by stealing. But this stealing situation has only become aware to me & her dad in the last 12m. She moved in with us at 11 and about 6m before she moved in me & her had this amazing relationship because her lies had stopped her slyness had stopped so me & her became very close. Then she moved in & I was so happy about this (because at the time the lies had stopped I knew nothing about stealing situation previous tho) after about 4months the lies started again and one day she lied that could of caused my son to have the blame but it was only that her dad was 100% that she was lying he didn't. And she finally admitted she was lying. Then I backed off from her & said to my partner I'm not going threw all this again I've put up with her lies for years! I then started to hate her because these lies became more frequent & money started going missing out of my change box (from under the bed) , then one day I was in her room cleaning and I found one of lipsticks (this was a £25 lipstick but it could of been a £1 for all I care) so I rang her dad who was at work & I was fuming because this had come out of my draw in my bedroom. She then text me saying her friends coming home for t'. I replied & said she's not cancel it there's things that need to be discussed. It then all kicked off & she went to her nans. This atmosphere went on for months she never once apologised so I ONE day text her because it was upsetting her dad and said can I pick u up from school & take u for t and a chat to sort this out. She replied not tonight I'm getting my nails done. I was furious. I said we'll seems as u have £30 to get ur nails done don't u think the morally right thing to do is to leave you're nails and pay me the £25 for what u took from me?! (I thought this was reasnable) her reply was it's not my money it's nans. So I txt back & said this is why we will never get on you have no morals or feel no guilt over you're actions. She eventually moved back home about 6m ago now & ive not really spoken to her since. She still comes at weekends to see her dad along with her brother but I have had nothing to do with her. Her dads gone on to me to make an effort I try but because I have so much hate over her stealing my money and lipstick it's never really worked because when she took this and had to admit it she never got punished she ran to her nans and made out everything was 10x worse.
We recently found out she's been shoplifting, stealing make up clothes shoes etc she's been caught by her mum & made to return it she's been caught stealing from her mums home, her mum has had phone calls from friends parents saying things have gone missing after she's been over for t' so her stealing is out of control.
I've worked a lot of Saturdays lately whilst she's been there and over the last few weeks I've noticed a few of my make up bits & creams dissapered but only 1 by 1 and I've not thought much of it as I've always been in a rush and these are not items I use everyday so just put it down to my 2 chucking them to the back of the wardrobe. (The wardrobe is where all my stuff is) I've not suspected her because she was told last year she's not to enter our bedroom no more. Then about a month ago 1 item I use daily dissapered when she was there. That same weekend she came into my room & stole my deodrant out of my wardrobe she had to admit to this as she was caught red handed (my view on this was she should of been punished as her stealing is ongoing & no matter how little the item stealing is stealing). So she's been confronted about the make up & lied me and my partner searched and found nothing. I then remembered all the other stuff I've not been able to find. I've looked everywhere & we've questioned the other kids aswel but they wouldn't steal & we both know that. There's £140 worth of MY stuff gone. Her mums appolagise her dads paid me back the money but they can't find any of this stuff. Then my friends daughter who also is her friends said she'd seen a age replenishing item in her bag. I've basically gone mad as there's no punishment been set out. My partner and I have split up over it because I don't want her in the house. She came recently smug as anything and when I confronted her she said dunno wat ur on about I told her exactly what I thought of her and asked if she's not ashamed of herself she was Vickey n sat there & said nope! My blood was boiling. I then found messages to her freind saying finally dads split up with her he's shouted in her face I'm dying to laugh it's so funny. I've sent these messages to my partner showing him how horrid she is he's agreed it's wrong but that's it. I'm out of the family home my life is a mess I love my partner so so much but I cannot stand to live in a home with a theif & a liar. Sorry this is so long.


thinkthrice's picture


oneoffour's picture

I wonder if your DH would be so blasé if it was his stuff being taken. If you were still in the house I would start to take his stuff and hide it and when he wonders where it is just shrug and say "I don't know."

One thing I learnt is to not argue with teenagers because you will never win. Talking calmly is a wasted effort. I do not trust a thing that comes out of their mouths because it is all about them and the here and now and not long term consequences.

You can continue to remain married and he can support your shared child. And when this thief is in jail for taking one too many things (and her time will come) then you can resume your marriage. However I do not think it will play lout this way. Don't even consider her as 'winning'. Consider yourself the winner because she no longer has access to your personal property. Sure your DH wants you to all be a happy family but right now his daughter is a thief and cannot be trusted. This is his problem not yours. In fact if you are around her lock your stuff in your car. IS she winning? No. You are winning by not letting her have access to your property.

CLove's picture

Winona SD18 (just barely), this past January 1st was caught stealing from a major chainstore and banned. She was let off very lightly, because she has some cash on her, but shoplifting is a big crime! It goes on permanent record and you can do jail time. She was only 17, and it was her first offense, so there was only a fine that the parents had to pay, and they paid it. Other than that there were ABSOLUTELY NO REPERCUSSIONS. And Winona lies constantly, about everything.

So you have a Winona 2.0? You know of which I speak? The actress who was caught shoplifting. She created a media sensation with folks selling t-shirts "Free Winona!"

My Winona doesn't really have friends, and I haven't noticed anything missing. She likes to take from stores, where the things are brand-new.

I just do not understand why her father doesn't set down the law, or her mother or grandmother! They are not doing her any favors!

MY SO, his very well-off friend has a 17 year old daughter, who recently started stealing very high-end makup from his girlfriend. She and the girlfriend used to be best buddies, and now they hate each other (because of the stealing and lies). This girl even steals from her younger sister (16) and younger brother (12). She will come into the house late at night or when she knows they aren't there, and will pilfer whatever she can get their hands on. Every family member locks their doors.

Im sorry that things have come to this - that you have to split from your SO who you love and have a child with - but HE IS PART OF THE PROBLEM - HE CAUSED THIS TO HAPPEN BY NOT SETTING BOUNDARIES, BY HAVING NO REPERCUSSIONS.
That is what I have seen and noticed. And now - because of SO's lack of parenting, you are suffering the consequences.

Good luck - look after yourself and child.

Hannah.r2's picture

Thank you everybody for your comments!
I was staying at my dads whilst she was here on weekend but moved in to my home again after she had gone it's hard when u have kids. This is not legally my house but it is my home. And my children's home! We talked over a few issues recently and decided we both loved each other he admitted her behaviour is unacceptable etc n maybe we could try again and he would put a lock on the bedroom door. He still claims I have overreacted. I totally disagree with him but that's personal opinions.
So tonight he comes home & things aren't exactly great between us now and says he has a problem.
So I asked and I could not beleive what I was hearing
His daughter who's a theif who's caused all this nightmare for us all has said she wants to move back in here a few nights a week to move back to the school here!!!! As where she lives with her mum is about a 40min train journey.
I just burst into tears. I said it didn't work the first time she lived hear she's caused all these arguments & now wants to live here. Has she no shame? Does she feel no remorse for what she's done?
I told him I can't live with her & it's not fare on our other 2 children. And he said nothings been agreed yet and I can't say no she's my daughter.
I have no words