Don't know how to handle... any of it.
My SO keeps me out of his son's life but expects me to cook dinner and talk to son when he is here for the week. He tells me nothing about how his son is doing in school, appointments he has with the counselor, health issues, and all family goes to school events except for me. When going back to mother's, SO will have his son give hugs and say goodbye to everyone in the family except me. When son is here for the week, going to bed at night, the two of them say goodnight and totally ignore me. (Side note - SO and I live together so this is my home too).
When son is here for the week life stops and revolves around him. SO does no chores around the house. Son does no chores. Son purposefully takes the spot on the couch he knows I sit in. TV shows are all what he wants to watch. Where we go and what we do is son's decision. He's 8! Son is allowed to eat whatever he wants and is gaining weight, but that's okay because his dad was big at that age too.
Everyone in the family treats him like he's a special prince. He is "so" smart. Everything he does and says (even if it's mean) is cute and hilarious. Son will be playing a game on his iPad and you are expected to stop and watch, and expected to be just as excited about the game as he is. Because... that's fabulous you leveled up and got a new dinosaur, look at what you did, that is so great.
My SO still picks son up out of bed every morning like a baby and carries him to the breakfast table. Son calls him dada in a baby voice. Did I mention he's 8? And weighs (I believe) over 60 lbs.
SO lets his son say mean things about me and to me: Ginger's are rotten; You're a rotten ginger; You smell; You look scary. SO encourages the "boys are better than girls" mentality so I get comments from son about that too. SO can be mean and disrespectful to me as well, so it's not surprising he is teaching his son the same thing.
Right now, honestly, I'm defeated and have transitioned into "I dont give a sh**" mentality to not be bothered by everything. Not included in son's life outside of the house, whatever. You're playing a video game, good for you... don't care. You want to treat your son like a baby and not teach chores/responsibility... he's your kid. You want to let him eat 1/2 a bottle of ketchup on everything and drink sugar instead of something healthy... he's your kid. The only thing I have started doing is speaking up when son is mean to me... saying that is not nice to say, I don't appreciate that, and please don't say that again.
So how to handle all of this is... learn to deal with it? Break up and move on? Something else?
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Comments
I wouldn’t stay with a man
I wouldn’t stay with a man that was mean and disrespectful to me.
Everything else is fluff after that. He sounds like a lazy dad who only thinks about making the kid happy now and not how to raise a decent, healthy and respectful adult.
You are right there is not much you can do apart from stopping helping with the kid when he visits (don’t cook, clean, do laundry or babysit him) and pointing out when he is rude to you.
You are being treated worse than a babysitter who I would expect a child to be respectful towards. And you are doing all this without pay for a man that doesn’t respect you or demand that others respect you either.
So I come back to where I started, I would not stay in a relationship with a man that is mean and disrespectful to me.
This man sounds defective,
This man sounds defective, and doesn't seem to cherish you as he ought. He's also raising his son to be a stunted, nasty piece of work that no woman or employer will tolerate.
You don't sound deeply attached to this man, so perhaps you should start putting together an exit strategy? Be strategic, do it right, make a clean break, and move on to something healthier.
It's easy to say leave. I can
It's easy to say leave. I can tell you that I wouldn't be able to stand the situation you are in. An 8yr old talking to me disrespectfully while my SO did nothing to stop it, and encouraged it in his own way. Nope. Me cleaning up after them while neither of them did nothing? Nope. Sitting in my spot? Nope. You are treated like an acquaintance when it's convenient (when your SO doesn't want to Include you in his sons life), and like the maid the rest of the time.
Skids do chores here. My SO cleans too. Skids have never been disrespectful to me because they know my SO would light them up, and they know I'm no pushover either. I will say that I'm not "in the know" about all of skids happenings, but I also don't really want or need to know. Skid convos bring more stress, so the less the better. I am involved in a lot though, and never purposefully excluded.
Your SO sounds like a Disney dad, and really like not a very good SO. I think you can do better than this.
This one's easy - break up
This one's easy - break up and move on. Your SO is disrespectful and not nice to you, plus you're made to feel like an outsider in your own home. Life is too short to tolerate this kind of relationship. The main problem is not the kid, it's your SO. Leave him so you can find a guy (preferably childless) who will treat you well.
Agree with everyone
My SO would never allow the SKids to treat me the way yours is. Plus i laid down the rules the first day I met them and they wouldnt dream of disobeying me. Dad backs me up 110% He knows I wouldn't accept it or allow it so his life would be made hell, but most importantly he respects me and my place in his AND his kids life. Your SO has no excuse good enough as to why he thinks this behaviour is ok. Get out. Leave when you can and until then do NOTHING for this man and child. Like PP said above, create a plan and move on to better things. You don't need this sh*t in you life xx
Forget the bratty kid. Why
Forget the bratty kid. Why are you making the choice to stay with a man that is mean and disrespectful?
What are you getting out of a
What are you getting out of a relationship where your SO excludes you and lets his son insult and degrade you? Why do you even need a bunch of Internet strangers to tell you to get out of this one?
And please don't say he's "amazing" or that he treats you great when his son isn't there - none of that makes up for how he treats you when his son is there.
I would not "learn to deal
I would not "learn to deal with it", I would be gone.
He not teaching the kid
He not teaching the kid any respect for you and is treating you like a after thought your not important. What?? Are you invisible or something. It not hard to say oh dont forget to say goodnight to mary before you go to bed or give her a hug or whatever. Even if the kid doesn't like you it just polite to make him do that. If he like this with the kid now wait till he gets older. It gonna be a nightmare run while you can.
Why do you want to be with a man who thinks
Why do you want to be with a man who think thinks men are better than women? "SO encourages the "boys are better than girls" mentality so I get comments from son about that too. SO can be mean and disrespectful to me as well, so it's not surprising he is teaching his son the same thing."
You deserve a man who will treat you well and cherish you - not a man who is mean and disrepectful.
I had two step sons who we
I had two step sons who we treated similarly, only they weren't rude to me. I'm so sorry for the way they're treating you! However, I do think it gets worse from here. My stepsons are now 10 years old and can't go more than a few minutes without getting attention. They just started Living with us and expect everything to be about them still. It has almost cost us our marriage. Husband has realized that is a problem but it is harder to change habits the longer they've gone on. I can't tell you whether or not you should break up or stick together but I do think you need to give some thought to what happens as it gets worse. Good luck lady!