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Any recommendations?

TheInconsequentialGinger's picture

My SO's son is 9 years old.  A LOT happens that makes me think... if he was my son he would not be: saying that, getting away with that, or acting that way.  And the standard has already been set by my SO that it's not my place to speak up and say something.  So... difficult for me because I have to sit by and tolerate the kid.  

Without digging into the specific examples, sometimes I wonder if the kid acting/saying things that he does is all because... that's what all kids his age do.  Not being a parent myself, it is hard for me to know.  And because, per my SO, its not my place to speak up... I am wondering if there are any books out there I could read to help me understand kids and how they are at different age levels.  Maybe that would help me deal with his son easier.  

Any recommendations?


Wilhelm's picture

Not a book but something simple you can try without looking like you are interferring with your So's disciplining of his child.

if the child is acting out ask him

What are you doing? This may straight away pull him up.

next ask 

Is that ok?

No need to get angry or raise a voice . See what happens.

Little savages's picture

Yep, that worked well for me: call out the stupid/rude/mean behaviour every time, openly, in a neutral voice. Then ask: is that ok? My OH really didn't like it when I did that. But it opened his eyes that his pwecious widdle kids were behaving badly. And you're just stating a fact, right? It's very hard for OH of skids to argue or deny in that situation. Get it all out in the open every time, in a non-attacking way. Slowly, everyone realises you are not a pushover like Disney parent. Takes time to let it settle. But boy, it feels good to watch OH and skids try to defend the behaviour. And most importantly of all, it keeps your sanity. 

Aunt Agatha's picture

It sounds like you need a course in disengaging.  Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin helped me immensely.

tog redux's picture

Without examples, it's hard to know if the behavior is normal. But you shouldn't have to just endure unpleasant behaviors in your own home, normal or not. More examples might get you better advice!

CLove's picture

Sweety, I mean this in a REALLY good way. You dont have a child problem you have a SO problem. I read your previous post.

No, none of what you are going through is "normal", unless you mean normal is demeaning and diminishing your partner and females in general. 

this child is a DIRECT reflection of his father. Start there. If you need recs I would recomend a good therapist to talk about why you are ok with being treated like a second or third-class citizen in your own home.