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First blog entry - Background

Terri PJ's picture

Story time. It's a long one, but will give you some background into my life as a step/whatever.

Normally, I video chat my mom and sister to rant about SS11 troubles. With CORVID-19, my partner "D" is working from home, and I am unable to say anything with him in hearing shot. Our house is so small, even if I whispered in a different room he'd hear me. 

SO

I have decided I'm going to keep a blog. I can rant to my hearts content on here. I don't think I will reply to any rude comments, or ones that tell me to leave, or calling D names, or whatever. 

So background. 

I'm an artist, obsessed with horror, medical things (especially the gross stuff), star wars and video games. I have various illnesses, Borderline personality disorder (bpd), depression, anxiety, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue syndrome (CFS), and a few bits and bobs. 

I've been with D for 3 years, anniversary will be on April 1st ^_^ We have a 17 year age gap, I'll be turning 30 in July, and he will be 47 in October. He has a son aged 11. I have no children, but have experience bringing them up due to having a large family, and helping my mom raise my niece and nephew. (Long story, but their mom was abusing them, and my mother was granted partial custody with my brother, and I lived at home at the time while doing my degree).
 

D was with BM for 23 years on and off. They got married and had SS soon after. Due to various issues after the birth of SS, BM became abusive, verbally and mentally, and eventually began being physically abusive. D left when SS was 8 (almost 9) Then met me a couple of months later at a music gig through a mutual friend. At the time I was in an on/off relationship with a Matt. Everyone's dated a Matt right? 
March 31st that year, me and Matt had a big argument over the phone, and at the time my mental health was a mess, being recently diagnosed with BPD. I had a drinking problem, and I was done with Matt and his games. I got a text during this from D asking if I knew of any gigs on that evening, as he didn't fancy another night in with his dad. I told him me and my besty were off to one and he was welcome to join us. I wore my fave orange wig, and by 3am, bestie had gone home, venu had kicked us out, we ended up in a pub having deep philisophical conversations, and I invited D home to watch horror films. We've been together ever since. 

I met SS around 7/8 months into the relationship. This was after BM found out about me, punched D and tried to cause all manner of problems for D. We decided I would just be a "friend" at the beginning, but SS figured it out almost immediately. When I first met SS he was shy, but showed me some stop-motion lego movies he'd made with his iPad. There seemed to be no problem at first. We'd spend the ocassional couple of hours together on the weekend, and I would then leave. Soon BM decided to become a problem, and would call up D last minute and say "You'll have to have him over night, I'm busy", on the nights me and D were meant to see eachother. So SS started spending the night with BOTH of us present. Things started getting odd between SS and me. He started acting out, having tantrums, and causing problems. 
Then I had a misscarriage. We didn't tell SS, but BM had to be told as she was trying to get D to come pick up SS without warning. Next time we had SS over, he screamed at D "don't you dare have a baby with Terri. You are MY dad". From that point on, even though I didn't cry until SS had left, we've had a very poor relationship. 

SS is an odd kid. He has very strange mannerisms and quirks. There is speculation that he's on the autistic spectrum, as well as D. I have no problem with this, but I am very much of the mind that mental health isn't an excuse. Mine certainly isn't. I've had to change my behaviours to be "acceptable" by societies standards, so everyone with disorders should have to too. Might seem a bit harsh, but it's not an excuse to treat people poorly, be rude, or lash out for minor reasons. 
SS is self centered, entitled, stuck in the know it all phase, clingy, rude, selfish, never listens, refuses to learn from mistakes or dicipline, and ontop of this... he scares me. Sometimes he will stand there and stare at me, the look in his eyes is creepy. He seems to totally lack empathy, but tries to fake it... poorly. 
I have "ruined his life" and he doesn't want me to join in on any activities, his reasons are always different and as stupid as "she wears makeup". He refuses to stay with us after I told him off for coming downstairs at 11pm after he was told repeatedly by his father to go to bed. He has been violent towards D, throws toddler style tantrums, walks off if he doesn't get his own way then accuses D of putting me first. Anything I suggest is challenged, down to simple activities, like what TV show to watch. Whenever I say something factual, I am told that I am wrong. Without knowing 100% we believe she has told SS some horrible things about me too. SS comes out with awful things about me regularly, just before x-mas he stole an octopus D's mom crocheted for me, and when D went to get it back found a horrible drawing of me made by SS. Instead of accepting that he had done wrong, he refused to admit he had even drawn it. 
Over time this has become increasingly difficult to deal with. D has tried dicipline, of all styles, nothing works, he's had numerous converstaions with SS about me, but SS refuses to budge on his behaviour towards me. D and me are great together, we've really helped eachother heal. 

There has been so much, and so many things that have happened, that over the last couple of years I have grown to dread having to spend time with SS. I will hide in my bed, or have to go do my own thing. I hate doing this as I feel it's letting a child get the better of me. I need to rant or I'd go crazy. Getting my fustrations out helps so much. So hopefully writing this blog will help. 
Wish me luck. 

Comments

DPW's picture

Welcome! 

Is everyone in therapy? Separately? Together? 

 

Terri PJ's picture

I've been in therapy and continue to see my GP once a month to monitor me. I'm on medication which is proving very helpful. I am in a much better place with my mental health than I used to be. I don't have as many meltdowns, or lose my temper anymore. I don't drink very often either, and limit myself to two drinks when I do. I went to a rehab for help with that. I am able to refer myself back into therapy for the next 3 years if I need. 
I am so much happier in myself now, and I really do believe that D has been a massive influence on that. We have helped eachother greatly. 
SS is having councelling. I don't know any details. 
I have a degree in Fine art, and have been trying to make my own money with that, but has proved difficult. I really want to go into nursing, and possibly become a midwife. I love babies, but I am in no position to have my own, and I don't think I actually want to have one. I did for a while after my miscarriage, but apparently that can be a normal reaction. Before that, I had been told that I was infertile by a gyno, as the women on my mothers side of the family have all had various illnesses and cancers involving our lady internals. 
Who knows though, maybe in a few years things will be different, they may improve. They may not. I'd like to focus on now though, as it's trying to get through these troubles with SS that I feel are holding me back, but I don't want to give up. I'm very stubborn and determined.