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O/T ..Tone Up Tuesday Fail

sunny_skies's picture

Well guys I know Tone Up Tuesdays don't exist anymore on ST, and it's been a while. But I just wanted to vent a bit at myself to get it out!

Despite all the hard work losing weight for our wedding (44lbs in 6months, and thankyou STalkers for your support throughout), as soon as we were married a few months ago, the weight has slowly crept back on. I've put back on 34lbs so I'm basically back to square one Sad stupid sunny Sad

It kinda started out as excitement that I could eat what I wanted! I enjoyed our buffet on the big day, and then ate what I liked when away on honeymoon, it was so awesome not having to be on this stupid strict diet anymore! 

Then once we returned from honeymoon, it turned into post wedding blues. I realised that this massive project I'd been working on for months and months was just.. over. Just like that! I didn't have to organise anything for the big day anymore, I didn't need to lose weight anymore.. 

(I was 4lbs up from my weight goal on our wedding day, even though I didn't reach the exact weight I wanted, I was happy with 4lbs up from it!)

I felt quite down/useless/no goals etc, and carried on eating fattening foods and junk like I did when we were on honeymoon.

I kept saying "omigosh I've put on 10lbs, I'll have to start watching what I eat again soon" then rinse and repeat for 14lbs, 25lbs, right up to 34lbs back on now.

So 5months after our wedding, I'm pretty much (almost) back to my original weight/size. I feel so stupid. But I just couldn't afford to go back to my slimming class after the wedding (wow weddings are expensive) and thought I'd try getting it under control myself at home. Didn't happen.

Finally, today, I got the courage to go back to my class (we still can't afford it really, but I'm just feeling so down and can't go on like this with creeping up the scales constantly!) I needed help and so I went back.

I was really embarrassed to walk in being the size I am now, but I put on my brave face and did it.

When the lady at the scales saw me she said hello, and how long it's been since she saw me, asked how the wedding went and I was doing. 

I said yeh I'm ok, it's been about 5months! and I'm afraid I've put back on practically all the weight I lost. She said yeh it's hard this time of year, etc etc.

I got on the scales, she looked at the screen, and paused. Then called to the leader of the group (interrupting her from talking to another lady) and when she came over, pointed at the numbers on the screen and said to the leader "are the scales working ok? is that right?" 

(ok maybe she's not used to seeing a weight gain of 34lbs since last weigh in) 

They both looked a bit confused, and the leader asked me "is that the kind of weight you were expecting?" I went bright red and said yes, like I said I've put practically all of it back on.

so the leader said "yeh that's right then" to the lady at the scales. The lady said "oh I'm sorry, I thought I was reading it wrong" etc etc.. COME ON, I'd literally just told you I'd put a lot of weight back on!

wtf. so friggin embarrassing. The whole line of people waiting behind me to get weighed were just standing there watching. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up.

it was hard enough for me to go back to class looking so big again, I was embarrassed walking in. but for that to happen too, it was awful Cray 2

I'm not sure this is just about my weight though.. The house has been a total wreck since the wedding, I just can't seem to get things organised. Even after 5months?!! Surely this can't *still* be post wedding blues!!! 

I write lists of things to do every day, and they just don't get done. I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm just feeling so unmotivated.

I'm not even motivated or excited to lose this weight again. I feel *forced* to lose the weight as I'm paying for my slimming class again and I don't want to waste that money. That's the reason I went back, (to be forced into it) because otherwise I'd just carry on creeping up the scales.

Ugh. Pity party over, thanks for letting me vent!

Comments

BethAnne's picture

There is no shame in trying again and this time you are 10lbs lighter than you were when you started before...stop saying you put it all back on...no you didn't, most of the time people put it ALL back on PLUS some, you are brave enough to catch it before then and are 10lbs up on where you were before, celebrate that!

I was so impressed with your weightloss before it was a huge feat and you did amazingly well. This time might be harder without a wedding looming to motivate you but you know that you can do it this time because you did it before.

kathc's picture

I don't know how you kept from smacking her. There was NO NEED to call attention to your weight like that.

Good for you being back at it.

Evil3's picture

The woman who reacted like that during your weigh-in needs to have that clip-board stuffed up her coozie. I say good on you for still being 10 pounds below where you started last time. Don't minimize that. Give yourself credit. You say you don't feel motivated. Maybe you're not giving yourself credit where credit is due. And not just about weight. It's common for women. We're the caretakers and nurturers, so we tend to downplay what we do and focus on what went wrong rather than everything else that went well. Maybe give yourself a reward or star for every workout you do just the way we give kids star charts for chores. I know it sound dumb, but it works. Maybe seeing a greater amount of beads in your exercise jar and fewer beads in your non-exercise jar will give you a visual and you can reward yourself. You'll feel a sense of accomplishment because you'll see how many workouts you did. Also, the endorphins from working out will help lift your spirits. Since you had a tight deadline for losing weight before your wedding, you had to go balls to the wall. Are you feeling like you have to go to that level again? That can dampen motivation. Maybe don't make such drastic changes. That kind of weight loss pace is too hard to maintain. IMHO, going with the thought that you are creating long-term lifestyle changes instead of losing x number of pounds by such-a-such date will help you not feel like you have to do this torturous process again. Good luck! I'm glad that you resurrected the Tone it up Tuesday posts. I used to love them. Actually, I was going to post something about starting something like that up again. We can all stick together and make ourselves healthy. If anyone needs to take care of themselves, it's SParents.

Onefootout's picture

Goodness Id try to find another group to meet with. My weight fluctuates all the time especially when there is a big change in my life.

Be kind to yourself. Losing weight for a wedding, particularly that much weight that quickly is just an entirely different thing than changing lifestyle to try to maintain a healthy weight long term..

I have failures alternating with successes. seem to do best when I'm not trying too hard. This time I started cooking more, eating out much less. I also started walking the dogs for about 30 minutes every evening during the week.

And I cleaned up and organized my apartment. And I mean I organized it to the point I can live with it and then do detailed organizing a little at a time. I put everything in bins, semi-organized, and put all bins in my closet, and organized my pantry. I didn't go crazy or anything. Anyway, that's helped immensely I think.

I stay away from the scale. But I think my pants and jeans are starting to feel a little looser.

I don't always eat healthy. And I can tell I'm not losing weight quickly by any means. But in my experience, the slower I lose it, the more likely I'm going to keep it off longer.

Most importantly, do nice things for yourself and stay away from idiots like those old biddies at the meeting, lol. Smile