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Frustrated ....

Sumtime2's picture

Okay, I am new to this web site and am looking for advice/help/support? I came across this today when I was searching the web for "when ex's won't leave the family". My situation sounds eerily similar to a lot of what is going on with all of you. My husband has been divorced from his ex for 10 years now, unfortunately she continues to insert herself in his family. Both my husband and I have asked his family on several occassions to quit talking to or having any kind of relationshp with her ... unfortunately, it's like talking to a brick wall. This has caused such a rift in our family that we no longer see my SIL and her family and we only occassionally see my MIL/FIL (maybe 3 times a year). My husband wants nothing to do with them and if I'm honest, neither do I given the lack of respect I am feeling. With the recent addiction to facebook, the ex is now befriending all of my husband's family ... My MIL, his cousins I used to have relationships with, his aunts i used to chat with, and as of recently, my SIL's two daughters (who, keep in mind, were 4 and 2 when they divorced so really hadn't established any kind of relationship together). (I could elaborate more, but will keep this short.) I just don't understand and am personally having a hard time with all of this. I think someone said it best in a previous post, "you are an ex for a reason ... move on." I too used to think it was all my issue, but I seriously think this woman needs to realize the "boundaries" and adhere to them. Anyone got any advice for me? Has anyone read any good books they would recommend to me? Anything ... I am desperate.


ch21's picture

i do not know any good books. but i can almost guarantee that she is doing this only to anger you and your husband. i doubt if she even cares about the family she just wants be a pain in the butt. she looks desperate. my bd ex goes visit his family(brothers and uncles) and at first it bothered us but now we really do not care because we do not go around them any way. in your situation it may be a little more difficult because of the ppl that she is befriending. do u think that his family actually likes her or just do not want to be mean. because my guess it that they just do not want to be mean to her. if yall want to be involved in his fam maybe just let them know that they can visit with who they want but that u or r husband do not need to hear about her at all. do they have kids together? i don't recall u saying.

Sumtime2's picture

At one time i believed that they did not like her. When she was married to my husband, she was very abusive ... to the point where my husband would call his mother or the cops to try and get himself out of the situation or to calm her down. Why would any parent like anyone who is doing that to their child?? (that's another reason I struggle with this ... why would you keep a relationship with someone who tortured your child?) Now, I just don't know. I have seen pictures on my step-son's iPod of my MIL in their house at holidays and at his recent baptism. I know they have exchanged e-mails and I know they talk on the phone (per comments from my step-son). My husband has two boys w/ the ex ... 13 and 16.

Sumtime2's picture

Let me guess, you're an ex who continues to have relations with your "ex family". I don't think anyone is being petty, i just think it's rude for my husband's ex to continue to insert herself where it's not appropriate. Also, I would be totally fine with this all IF she was a normal, sane human being, but she treated my husband like dirt and is now showing the same abusive, behavior traits to my 16-year old stepson.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Sumtime2, OMG where do I begin. I have been with DH for almost 11 years. Married almost 2. In the beginning the In Laws talked all the shit in the world about the EX. Fast forward a few years later and the EX is a permanent fixture in ALL in law events. She has friended EVERY member of my DH's family on Facebook. And my SIL is her BFF, going away on weekends together and everything. It boiled over at the end of January and now my DH doesn't speak to anyone in his family. I deleted and blocked EVERY family member with the exception of 2 cousins and a niece who really had nothing to do with any of the drama. My biggest rift with my DH was the fact that he never made mention to his family that including BM in all the family events and EXCLUDING us was disrespectful to our marriage. It really hurt my feelings which like another poster said is probably the name of the game anyway. Now we have NO type of relationship with my husbands family at all. They continue to be up BM's ass. My DH said it best.. "Honey, she can keep my family. You have ME." That made all the difference in the world.

cmwolfe1264's picture

My DH's ex has friended every single one of DH's family that is on FB. She used to interject in my conversations with the skids and other family members on there. She may still do it but she has blocked me on FB so I cannot see anything she posts to our mutual friends and the skids and I are no longer friends on FB. I have been told that none of the family like her because she says rude and annoying things to all of them on there. She tries to tell DH's family that he is the one that is/was a loser and the he is the reason the skids are so messed up!! (she's a long-time alcoholic and half the time can't remember what says or writes) Fortunately she lives out of the country so I only have to deal with her at weddings and now baby births (which she sometimes can't seem to manage to make either). Last I knew she hadn't managed to visit her youngest son and his first baby boy who is now 10mnths old!! I think she tries to keep in contact w/ the family to piss me and DH off but sadly it just makes her look pathetic as none of them like her or want to be around her.