You are here

Stepson creeping around

strugglingSM's picture

My stepsons are months from turning 18. One no longer comes around because he has a job and a girlfriend. All fine with DH, who now talks to him on the phone fairly regularly. The other one comes around, but barely interacts with DH. He will either sit on the couch and watch loud videos on his phone or sit in his room. The weird thing is that when he sits in his room, he always keeps the door open. I know he knows how to close it, because he always closes it when he leaves the house or when he goes to bed. Both skids had a habit of reporting everything that went on at our house to BM, so I can't help but thinking that he keeps his door open to eavesdrop on our conversations. Anyone else have snoopy stepkids?


JRI's picture

My SD61 wasn't snoopy, or tbh, I just expected it from her so it didn't register.  But she was sneaky.  Even during the last residence at age 55, she was still going thru my things, rummaging thru any meds, thieving.  I would take it for granted that he's reporting whatever goes on.

When I read the title of your post, I thought you'd say he was peeping in at you.  At least it's not that.

strugglingSM's picture

In all honesty, I would not put that past him. When he was younger, we used to go to DH's family cabin and he would sometimes sit outside the door of the bedroom DH and I were in, in the middle of the night. In our house, our bedroom has always been off limits to them and thankfully, they seem to have respected that.

CajunMom's picture

When the two younger ones were coming for the court ordered visitation. All are adults now. It wasn't just was full blown reporting. I found out (later) that "we" were a major part of all the discussions at BMs home and on the phone calls with the adult siblings. 

I never realized how popular I was! LOL

I can laugh now but back then, it was infuriating. That, along with the stealing that went on here....glad those days are over.

strugglingSM's picture

I know that BM has things to say about us, mostly that we are lame and boring. She used to like to tell DH that skids thought the things he planned for them on his weekends were "lame", because she's so mature. 

We are pretty boring, but that's because DH and I both work and for a while had long commutes, so we were tired on weekends. Now, we have two small kids and we're even more tired. 

justmakingthebest's picture

He might just have FOMO (fear of missing out). He doesn't really want to hang out with the "old people" but he doesn't want to miss something cool- just in case. That is how my teenagers are at least. 

What could he possibly report back to BM while he is about to turn 18 and would it matter? Other than her being jealous of you living your best life, CS ending soon and more freedom for you and your DH! At this age it just really doesn't matter. 

strugglingSM's picture

In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter, and we have two little ones, so we're actualy pretty boring, but it feels really invasive to me to have everything - even minor things - reported back to BM, who then tries to use it against us, no matter how mundane. For example, during the last mediation, her lawyer would send letters detailing how I used to go out and do things on my own when skids were with us or talk about how boring it was at our house because we basically engaged in real life and didn't line up constant entertainment when they were with us, not sure why that would matter, but it feels weird to have your comings and goings detailed in legal documents. This is coming from a BM who has sworn skids to secrecy about everything that goes on in her house, making it even more weird that she insists on knowing everything about our house. 

reedle2021's picture

My ex SS used to do this the last several years we lived together.  He would listen to everything his dad and I would say and then complain to his daddy about something comment or something I said that hurt his feelings or whatever.... usually it was just funny comments I would make while watching movies, nothing against him,  his mama or anything like that.  It got to the point where my husband expected me to lower my voice or not talk about things that might hurt his son's precious feelings.  I'm so glad I am rid of them.

So, yes, I think your SS is creeping and looking for something to grab onto to make you look like an a&&hole. 

Be careful....

strugglingSM's picture

Yeah, I've been dubbed "mean" and "critical" for expecting SSs to throw out their own trash and then telling this SS that it was disrespectful to call DH "stupid" and tell him repeatedly to "shut up". So, I avoid him overall. 

la_dulce_vida's picture

Invest in a white noise machine and place it near his bedroom door. He won't be able to hear a thing that goes on outside his room. LOL He'll likely even shut his bedroom door.

Even better, play some loud "old people" music to pluck at his nerves. LOL

And to top it all off, have some fake conversations about a boat you're going to buy or that you're moving or having a baby and see how fast that rumor gets back to you. Then you can call the snoop out on his eavesdropping.


strugglingSM's picture

Because we have small children, there are no shortage of white noise machines in our house...perhaps, I'll just have to put one in the hall, to make sure the baby can sleep. LOL

BM owns a dog (or used to own a dog) because several years ago DH told skids that we were going to get a dog "soon". It wasn't a rumor, but we're not in a place to get a dog right now, so, it will have to wait at least another year. Weeks after DH told skids we were going to get a dog, BM got a dog. A high energy dog that sadly is never taken out for walks and has been dubbed by BM to have a "chemical imbalance", so she can medicate it. I wish I could think of some other rumor to start that would lead BM to scramble. 

Rags's picture

The fun can go on forever when you have a do it first type in the blended family opposition like you have.

I suggest photoshopping tattoo receipts, new car purchase agreements, expensive vacations, expensive jewelry receipts, expensive vacation home offer documents.

Have fun making her jump through her ass backwards when the Skids tell her about all of the cool shit you are doing/buying.


Winterglow's picture

Then give them stuff to report back. Leave cruise brochures, high- end car leaflets, info on homes for sale that are worth millions, etc. lying about, whatever will make them run to the mother ship . If it ever reaches a critical level, answer "what? Can't a body dream?"

I was actually pretty shocked that a lawyer would harass you as the stepmother for actually living your life. You are not one of their parents.

strugglingSM's picture

I was the subject of several letters from BM's latest lawyer, including one letter where I was accused of being jealous of BM. Just like middle school...

Winterglow's picture

There's no legal grounds for that. The lawyer just did what his client requested. Can you imagine that to court? LOL

OTOH, depending on how many and how often you get these, it CAN be considered harassment and that IS punished by the law.

Winterglow's picture

Rejoice in the knowledge that every single one costs her - lawyers don't work for peanuts!

strugglingSM's picture

Yeah, I think BM was writing all the letters and her lawyer was just signing them because there were other things in the many letters that sounded like BM and that also had no legal bearing on anything. BM was also trying to claim DH was abusive, based on absolutely zero evidence, but I think that was just to get DH to engage, so she could use it as leverage for more child support because as soon as she got that, Skids were no longer traumatized.

Also, BM is not a lawyer, but works on divorce cases, so I suspect she gave a discount for her services in return for lawyers to send letters on her behalf. I say this because over the years, she's claimed that about five different people were her personal lawyer. She also tried to say that DH couldn't use his lawyer (who was useless, but that's another story) because she (BM) did business with their firm. She basically tried to block DH from having any lawyer.