PA and BM not moving on
After DH’s mediation, when he agreed to give BM more child support than he was owed and also agreed to reduce overly dramatic SS’s visitation to Saturday morning through Sunday evening, things have been pretty quiet. Both BM and SS could feel smug that they’d won.
Three visitations in to the new schedule BM declared that SS was now fine coming Friday evenings like he used to. The last visitation weekend, he and DH had a great time together last weekend fishing and target shooting.
DH and I are away this week for my cousin’s wedding. DH told the kids that we were going away, so of course, BM kicks up her drama again.
First, she “innocently” sent DH pictures from the first day of school. DH replied and thanked her for sending the photos. She replied with a series of texts about how DH could also send her pictures of SSs when they were with him if he wanted and how she and DH could finally be friends. Then she sent him a video of SS supposedly making a great play in a game, with an accompanying text saying she got excited and didn’t actually capture the play, but captured herself cheering instead. DH did not reply.
Today - three days later - he gets a long message from BM about how she’s really trying hard to be friends with him and how overly dramatic SS (who is a teen, by the way) was crying this week that DH never goes to his football practices. Not his games, his practices.
The drama hasn’t ended...it only went dormant for a few weeks.
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Comments
she got the money so she’s
she got the money so she’s capable of being generous with HER children now...eye roll!
How about
How about "Friends don't take friends to court. I'll settle for civility." Wow. This woman has a lot of nerve! And what is the deal with kids expecting parents to attend practices? When did that become a thing? Probably around the same time that still crying at the drop of a hat past the age of 6 became acceptable. Ugh.
In a lot of states child support is figured on overnights. I hope that your DH does not fall for the "it is OK for him to come over for the extra night now that my support is increased" routine. If he wants to start coming over on Fridays again then the order and support needs to be redone. How much longer do you have until the child is 18 and you can stop dealing with this woman?
In our state the number of
In our state the number of overnights aren’t counted. It’s just “custodial status”.
I did suggest to DH that if BM insisted on ignoring what she demanded be written into their agreement, then maybe he should go to court and request a revision, at which point he could also request proof of her additional income, that she “didn’t have” at their last mediation.
OMG my husband’s kids family
OMG my husband’s kids family go to EVERY practice. BM, her husband, her mom and dad, her sister and her husband, her brother and that’s not even the end of the lost.... do you people have no life you go and sit there for 2 hours 4 times a week. (4!!!) and of course they think we are bad for not doing the same.
That’s childcentricity at its
That’s childcentricity at its finest! EVERY practice? Don’t ppl have jobs/hobbies/necessary alone time?
Good grief!
Good grief! I would not want to do a single activity of my own with that kind of time commitment! Is this kid practicing for the Olympics or something?
Wow
DS was in two sports that practiced every week day. I’d have been bored to tears and probably fired if I took off to watch practice. As it was I only went to meets I wanted to or were big deals.
Who wants to watch a bunch of kids exercise?
OMG........ Was I supposed to be going...
OMG was I supposed to be going to my son's practices all of those years?? OMG he played baseball and basketball and I never went to one. Dropped him off an picked him up! I never heard of a parent going to a practice. I also never saw any lingering after the drop off either. That is insane!!
Sound like they don't have a life!!
The want to be friends for the sake of our kids line
Is right out of the “Manipulative narcissist bible”. Its so old and not believable.
see... if they cared about the kids and their partner, they wouldn’t have been such narcissistic arseholes and caused the marriage/relationship breakup, they would have raised their kids responsibly meaning no manipulation or parental alienation etc...
this spews alterior motive by bio mum... trust me when my sd23.5 repeatedly like a robot told her dad that mummy is good now she’s a good person and turned a new leaf, see see see daddy she’s changed and this is seconds after sd23.5 tells daddy mummy said he goes to witch drs and does black magic so it must be true... guess what? My husband didn’t reply to sd’s message and told me exwife is so full of shit and upto her usual shit because she’s a psychotic biatch he never wants to be around ever again...
anytime sd’s rant about bio mum hubby just zones that out, goes through right earand out the left, hubby doesn’t even care about it..
What do they expect?
That’s what drives me crazy about all this. BM was terrible to DH throughout their relationship, she was even terrible to him before he got married. She was then terrible to him after the divorce, but still expected him to take her daily calls - aimed at providing emotional support to her.
Now that he’s actually learned what a boundary is, she is cage rattling like no one’s business, crying about why can’t they be friends?!! And DH’s family buys this wondering why DH can’t be her friend.
He’s respectful toward her and responds when necessary. He even thanks her when she shares relevant info with him, but he doesn’t want to talk to her daily or sit with her at sporting events or do anything more than what he does. That should be enough...if they were such great friends, they would still be married! Can’t go back to something that never existed.
When a parent takes another
When a parent takes another parent for more child support, wants to limit visitation, THEN wants to be 'friends'. Beware. B E W A R E
Wait until she tells you "I want you to have a relationship with the chilllll drennnnnn". I offered you more time with the chillllll dreeeeennnnnn but you dont want it.
PS. there is something very odd about the kiddie activies where 'everyone' is in tow for practices, games. Hey to each their own I guess.
Unless the parent is also the
Unless the parent is also the coach there is no need for the parent to attend practice. Practice is for the kids with the coach no matter what the marital status of the parent.
DH said something to this effect
He said that his dad was only at his practices when he was coaching the team.
Also, what SS doesn’t realize is that if DH was at all of his practices, he would probably be telling SS to work harder and then SS would be upset that DH was “criticizing” him.
BM has successfully set up many no-win situations for DH and now she has gotten SS in on the game.
BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!! We have a BM just like this
BEWARE!!!!!!!!!!! We have a BM just like this!!!
We have a BM just like this and get our your glasses to read between the lines this is not about the child support visit schedule or any other crazy thing she comes up with! You will follow all of the rules but you will never be able to do the right thing and why? Because what she really wants is to control your DH and until she is doing that she will not be happy with any less!
Could be she wants him back like our situation or it could be she just wants to manipulate and control. Civil Only !! never friends is the only way to go with her but if she is anything like our BM if you limit her to the place she belongs in your life (EX-wife no real place) she will start her antics!
You will never win that one! It will always be her way or court or her way or more money her way or I'll change the schedule! Common denominator HER WAY! Until the day and year comes that she can't hold anything over you anymore. 21 in my state! We realized we couldn't win and stopped playing. We eventually had to block her when the kids were 20 and 21 ...
Don't let your DH fall for her nonsense!!!!!
All about control
In our situation, it’s primarily about control. Things SS are doing are also all about control. For example, he told DH that the reason he didn’t want to come around is because DH is “more strict” since he married me. I asked DH if he pushed SS to define what was “more” strict. In my view, not much has changed. The only thing that maybe has changed is that I tell DH we can’t afford to just spend, spend, spend when SSs are around, but really, we still do a lot of entertaining. SS has complained that he can’t use his phone 24 hours a day with us, but he didn’t have a phone until after DH and I were married. He has also complained that I expect him to do all his school work. I really don’t talk about school work because it drives me crazy and SS has never had any consequences from DH when he doesn’t do his work, so not sure that’s “more strict”. If SS feels bad that he’s not doing all his work and I refuse to tell him that’s okay, that’s on him, not me.
I do think that BM still has feelings for DH, but maybe it’s just her jealousy that he’s moved on. Before DH met me, she could feel superior to him and now she can’t. Why else would she be obsessed with DH hating her, even though he is typically polite and gracious toward her? Why else would she fish for compliments at every turn, even saying “why don’t you ever say anything nice about me?!!”
I often wonder what her husband thinks about how much mental time and energy she spends on trying to figure out how DH feels about her.
DH needs to go No Contact.
DH needs to go No Contact.
https://www.steptalk.org/forum/general-discussion/intermittent-reinforce...
So fitting
BM is so much like a rat frantically pressing a food lever.