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Broken

Struggling1981's picture

Basically after 2 years and whole catalogue of rubbish he says he can't live like this and is leaving me tomorrow! 

This dude works 5 nights a week and has ss the other 2 so we get zero time together. Tonight I was annoyed because my kids are in bed and he's chosen to sit chatting with SS while I come to bed alone again on his night off.

Am I jealous? Damn right I am I get no attention from my partner of course it hurts me and I am lonely. I feel used as a cook maid and cleaner and have to out up with his toxic ex and her fun and games and the SS being a rude awful boy searching my drawers for cans of soda and if ignoring every request I make.

Oh does not lift a finger and has never been expected to take on parenting my 3 kids but wants to set rules and regulations but won't make an effort to build relationships with the kids while I make daily calls with him to his son and make tons of effort yes I feel like it's unfair and unbalanced. 

He says he's leaving and my brain says good go then if that's the level.of gratitude and respect. 

Heart hurts and need some hand holding.  I have no one to turn to to get a bit of emotional support. 

Meh :( 

Comments

Bluemoon27's picture

That's awful! I hope he doesn't just up and leave. I hope he sits down and has time to think about the last 2 years and wants to talk things out with you. It's sad that he doesn't see the effort that you put in. Sometimes we can only do so much. Ive dated my bf for 3 years. Yea we work together but we hardly get time together bc he gets his daughter very weekend. Of course you're going to get jealous. You're dating him not his kid and you want attention from him. Does it make us bad people to want attention from our partner? He needs to learn to balance time between all of you, his child and him and you and him.  I hope he thinks this out and realizes it's not worth to throw important things away. 

Struggling1981's picture

Thanks guys I'm just so sad. I was there when BM took an overdose had SS for 3 months while he worked I've tried so very hard to make it work despite his rubbish working pattern and me working having uni and the 3 kids at home I also have 2 adult kids and 2 granddaughters but have tried to prioritise my relationship. I will be heartbroken when he goes and I will probably cry a lot but one thing I learned: I give too easily . I love him he was my forever and I will mourn the loss of that but I have to be a realist and accept I'm being taken for a t^#t either deliberately or not it's still happening and I need to change my life or I'll be a doormat I suppose it's for the best it just stings a lot ! I'm so so grateful for this site !!!

ndc's picture

Good riddance to him.  If he changes his mind between now and then, you might want to encourage him to leave.  

Of course it's sad to see a relationship end, but your needs weren't being met in the relationship, so you're probably better off without him.  Stay strong, it'll get better.

 

TX2step's picture

why wait till tomorrow, cant he GTFO now? No hes just saying this to hurt you and get his way.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Some of these men are divorced for very valid reasons, and they keep failing in relationships because they are a big part of the problem.

The sooner he's gone, the sooner your life will open up to all sorts of possibilities. Hand him a roll of trash bags and tell him to get on with it.

Winterglow's picture

Change the locks the minute he is out the door and do not let this leech of an apology for a "partner" darken your door ever again.

You are well out of this crappy situation. You do realize that once he's gone and suddenly has to do everything by himself he's going to regret his decision and try to come crawling back to you. If he does, kick him in the teeth (figuratively speaking, of course) and let him know, in no uncertain terms, how much happier your life is now he's gone. He has used you for far too long - do not look back.

Struggling1981's picture

He's taken SS to his sister's to visit whynis one of my oldest friends and she agrees with you lot !!!! She told me to get rid haha well he's being very d*&kish today and not speaking SS smirking all the while I don't know much about narcissism but his ex once said he was narcissistic? Any experience with this?

lieutenant_dad's picture

Hold him to leaving! Tell him to pack his things and GTFO today! Don't let him use leaving you as a way to control you. That's all he's doing. He's seeing how far he can push you, and if you take him back and let him stay, he'll know the boundary is that much further out.

If you think your relationship is salvageable (I wouldn't want it to be, but get it), then you two can work on it while he lives elsewhere. 

HOLD HIM TO HIS WORD. Show him you don't play games.

hereiam's picture

I know it hurts but he is doing you a favor. Don't try to stop him and don't let him change his mind and keep playing games with you.

Struggling1981's picture

He hasn't gone anywhere!  Ss has basically been smirking all day and I've just sat down after lunch he's basically thrown a strip because he wants to sit next to daddeeee I've just walked off oh said nothing as per this is not a way to live!!

Winterglow's picture

Then light a fire under his sorry arse. Tell him to pack his bags and leave. He doesn't get to make empty threats and not follow through. I might also tell SS to wipe that stupid smirk off his face while I'm at it. They think they've got you where they want you - show them that they're wrong. You deserve so much better.

thinkthrice's picture

OP is the same age as my daughter!!! I would tell her to kick him out if she had the same issues with a worthless guy and his spawn.

thinkthrice's picture

with Chef in the early years.  YSS smirking knowing Dadddeeee would always be against me and for him.

I kick myself to this day for not ousting the both of them permanently.  Don't make the same mistake by letting them stay. It is soooooo not worth it!

justmakingthebest's picture

Oh hell no. I can see that at first you were hurting. Hopefully now with both of their attitudes you are seeing your SO for what he is and the little monster he created. I would give him an eviction notice if he isn't packed up later today. 

ps- I do firmly believe that my abusive exH was a narcissist and a sociopath. I think his son was also just like him. You are seeing these flags- run, do not walk to the nearest exit from this relationship! 

Struggling1981's picture

Well oh didnt go anywhere and me being weak moved on and fell back into line all is calm however ..... the evening of returning SS to BM she came out and attacked DH again then tect me.from yet another number that has now been blocked regering to me as miss piggy and being dreadful. Ss behaviour was a hot topic with me and DH this week and he has finally verbally acknowledged the skid is out of line whether he will act upon it remains to be seen ! Im just fed up i just wanted to be happy :/ someone wrote on here not my circus not my monkeys and its stuck with me and ive adopted it as a mantra lol 

justmakingthebest's picture

I hope the best for you. Situations like your rarely ever improve, they usually get worse. 

There is nothing wrong with developing a back up plan and safety net. Start squirreling away some money in a bank account that he doesn't know about. $20 a week if you can. It was something my mother always told me. She said the $ can either be the best 10 yr anniversary vacation or your escape. Doesn't matter which, just keep the money in case. 

Struggling1981's picture

I will 100 % take this advice because i am in aa turmoil.  My stupid heart wants this relationship to work but my head.says it wont -in the end . I find myself upset lots and stressed anxious and self doubting. I can see plainly whats happening and my emotions wont let me acknowledge what is inevitable. Im going to be honest im frightened of being left alone because it scares me to imagine not having him around he is quite controlling by nature and i would find the lack of that a shock i am.also vulnerable financially and your advice means i would have something to lean on . Thank you for making the time to reply x

Lodo27's picture

May I ask for an update sweetheart? I relate so very much to what you're going through! Reading this is like reading a page from my own diary and I am hoping so very much that you left him!