This is just an emptying of my mind this morning.....

Im a BM too right, OH seems to forget that...and sometimes I do find myself sticking up for BM, because sometimes I feel that OH and MIL are being unfair....Now, dont get me wrong, I could curse and abuse BM to the cows come home, she is a vile human being, she uses the kids as weapons..as my blogs all show...and sometimes OH sticks up for my Ex and helps me understand some of his stupid requests....so to me, its a good blend between me and OH.....so the reason (ive managed to desipher) that MIL is possibly trying to push OH to go for COs and Custody......is because they cant abide the family and want SD7 away from them.....OH admitted to MIL that he sees BMs family "coming out in his boys more and more" and perhaps more surprisingly, he also admitted that he "knows that SD7 is two different kids, the one there and the one with us when its normal" how do we know that when SD7 is at home, she doesnt see that as normal!?....thats when MIL said "well, like ive already said we will just have to use my savings to sort it out in court and get her away from it all"...
:jawdrop:

Now, OH and I have NEVER discussed custody in full, its been highlighted as an option, but OH has this belief that children should be with their mothers...he believes that it is more beneficial to the child, as dads tend to not be as good at the parenting lark...although he admits its not always true to judge in this way....so I believe that OH believes that HE is incapable of being a good 24/7 parent too......this teamed with a comment MIL made to me about 3 years ago (MIL actually admitted that she doesnt think OH wants his kids with him 24/7)...it is also worth mentioning, that SD7 is a happy child....she is not being abused or neglected at all...she is fed, cleaned, clothed.....the main issue that should be given concern is her schooling and the constant lateness and absence...other than that, BM does what is necessary. SD7s room at her home is filled with toys, decorated to her choice, she even has her own puppy, that BM and BMP encourage and assist with to help teach responsibility.....so the only issues outside of school, seen to be the families attitude...to me, this isn't justification to attempt custody battles....so, if this custody or CO is being considered, should I not be involved? After all, its me who will be doing 80% of the caring for SD7?

Over the last few weeks, there have been odd, little conversations between OH and MIL regarding SD7 in this manner. Now, although BM is sh*t as a parent in the majority of areas, she loves her daughter and vice versa......yes, BM could improve on many issues, but, she works now, and is trying, maybe more for her own benefit yes, to live her life with her partner and daughter.

Anyway, this weekend I decided to pay closer attention to what is being said when MIL was here to collect SD7. There have been issues regarding collection of SD7 lately, BM has been a bit mouthy of late, BMM (BMs mom) has been a little more openly vocal and catty towards MIL.....its what they are all like on BMs side sadly....OH has been dong his usual complaining about their attitudes etc....now my take is, you know what, its what they are like...no, nobody should have to put up with the sh*t, but until SD7 is old enough to speak for herself, its something that needs to be put up with.....so when OH moans that he wants to collect SD7 an hour earlier than scheduled, and he cant get hold of BM, he moans, slates her down etc, then moans to his mom.....now, I see BMs point here...if she is busy, or out, or plain just wants to have that last hour, then why shouldnt she!?.....OH hasnt told BM that SD7 has toys to go back to hers, he asked SD7 to ask BM instead!.....SD7 of course forgot.....but OH STILL hasn't bothered to ask.....this is just one example that gets used against BM.....he moaned about being left waiting when he goes to collect SD7....yet, when my Ex got shirty about being made to wait a couple of minutes for my BD7, OH stuck up for him....even though I had said that "Ex only rang a couple of minutes ago to say he was on his way, and I started to get BD7 ready straight away!"....if Ex stuck to the right times of collecting he wouldnt be kept waiting, but I understand that with his work its not always possible, so I do try and get BD7 ready as quick as possible (bags will be done, its only shoes and coats that need to be put on)...OHs hours are the same, he cant control traffic either....

I just find things all a bit too secretive lately...and I know OH is keeping quiet for 2 reasons......1; Im pregnant, heavily in his words, he doesnt want me stressed out and 2; he doesnt want full custody of his daughter, not for himself, but for his daughter.....it would break her heart if she was taken from her moms and OH knows that, she would struggle to adapt and would miss her mom terribly and although I loathe to admit it, BM would feel the same...and the agro from her family will be 100 x worse than what little gripes they put up with now.....

Re CO; when OH mentioned it, I said it was all well and good having the CO that bound BM to the rules of collection and drop off....but he and MIL needed to remember that HE HIMSELF AND MIL WILL BE BOUND BY THE EXACT SAME ORDER!!!..........so when they want odd days here and there, or early collection drop offs etc, BM will be a total b*tch and will hold then to the CO, and she will have every damn right to do so too.....