Also my BD made a confession to me last night that hurt..
My BD is only 6...she is 7 in 20 days!!!
Anyway, we were chatting last night...she had some new boots for winter last week and has new jeans and stuff being delivered next week. I asked her if she was still happy with her boots and she was, but then said...
"but Ive not shown SD6"....
I asked her why not and her reply shocked me! My BD6 said
"whats the point, all I get is nasty looks and nasty eyes and then she tells me its not fair that you bought for me and not her"....
I was silent for a bit, BD6 then added "whenever I have something, or we go anywhere, she always tells me its not fair cos she wasnt here or she hasnt had anything. I dont like it when she is like that mommy, so I dont tell her anymore and I dont show her new things. If she asks if something is new, I just say Ive had it ages but not worn it or played with it or whatever".
NOW, I need to point out that my BD6 is no different to SD6 (soon to be 7 in a matter of days), and when SD6 has a new toy or whatever, runs into my house and is so eager to show BD6, BD6 is excited for SD6 and shares that excitement. It wasnt always that way, but over the last 2 years I have encouraged and educated my BD6 in this way, to not be jealous due to what she has herself via myself and her Bio Dad, and that BD6 is a lucky child to have what she has. The only difference now? BD6 doesnt invite SD6 to share her excitement anymore, because. Help please!?
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I would tell my DD that she
I would tell my DD that she needs to be honest if SD asks her anything. Don't boast but don't lie either. They are different kids and will get different things at different times.
Then I would tell DH that he needs to start teaching SD that lesson quickly so your DD does not feel compelled to be dishonest.
BM doesnt actually buy that
BM doesnt actually buy that much despite having maintenance payments and benefits to assist. BUT MIL does and I personally have done to, although BM and SD assume, I believe, that its OH that buys. Most, and I mean this literally like 70% of SD's clothing and shoes were paid for between me and MIL.
SD has been told previously that OH pays her mom money to buy her things, but BM constantly says she has no money......we had a similar problem with both SS's but we showed then bank statements of the payments, although they "forgot" a month later and we had the same sh*t all over! lol.
My concern if im honest is not with SD6, its with my BD6. I dont want her to feel that way in her own home, or at any point in her life, but I certainly don't want this at her age now!
Oh, I totally agree with ASK
Oh, I totally agree with ASK YOUR MOTHER.
BioMonster has always seen DH as an ATM and taught the skids to see him the same way. SD18 would constantly tell DH "You need to give BM more money. I need new clothes." "BM needs money. I need a $500 prom dress." "My tennis shoes cost $120. You need to give BM money to buy them." "PrinceSS15 needs underwear and BM can't afford any." That underwear remark was the last straw.
After years of constantly saying "BM gets CS to buy those things for you", DH finally got ticked off and told SD18 "I pay $$$$ a month to BM. That's enough to buy you a $500 prom dress and $120 tennis shoes EVERY SINGLE MONTH and STILL have some left over after the half paid for your brother. You ask BM what she's spending YOUR CS on if she can't afford to pay $620 ONCE A YEAR for a fancy dress and overrated shoes."
When CS ends, BioMonster is going to have a horrible reality check.
Hi All, My BD6 doesn't boast,
Hi All,
My BD6 doesn't boast, I certainly don't and wont put up with or encourage that at all. This is why I taught her not to be jealous, there is no point to jealousy at all. SD6 doesnt live with us, she lives with her BM and so obviously has things bought for her there, she also gets spoilt by MIL who dotes on SD6 too....but BD6 doesnt do or say anything in the face of that. This isnt a recent problem, its just the first time that BD6 has mentioned it.
MIL has told me that SD6 suddenly seems to be very expectant, every weekend. I have noticed the same. She has on occasion asked me why I dont buy for her and buy just for BD6, and I have simply said that its because Im BD6's mom and its my job too......although I have noticed the cut looks recently, I didnt realise it had gotten to the point that BD6 wasnt sharing her excitement.
The other thing thats happening frequently, is that if BD6 wants something, SD6 wants the same first or at the same time. For example, both the girls are having new bikes for their birthdays, BD6 chose some mad goth type thing as usual, but then SD6 said she wanted the same (now, SD is VERY girly, wants Barbie and pink ALL the time)and added that her birthday was first so she should have it.....now BD6 didnt react, she simply asked me if she could look at different bikes, which we did and we found an even madder bike! BUT BD6 didnt want me to show SD6, just in case. SD6 kept on abouit it, so BD6 said "it doesnt matter I dont mind. I have found a different bike now that I really like"...she wasn't nasty in any way......suddenly SD6 doesnt want the bike anymore......I had already ordered and paid for it...and its being collected tonight.....
Im hoping this is normal jealous behaviour, but im concerned how she will react now once baby is born. My mom thinks there may be problems that have not been foreseen!
Kids need to be taught
Kids need to be taught manners. At 6, SD doesn't know any better. If things truly are fair, DH needs to sit down and explain manners and enforce them so SD learns.
The problem I find I have is
The problem I find I have is this, I work full time, baby on the way. OH works and pays towards the bills only. He pays maintenance to BM every week for SD6 and SS17. BM also receives certain benefits for SD6 as well as working herself.
I receive maintenance for my BD, I also receive certain benefits (Govt. related that ALL parents get in the UK) as well as my wage.
So, when I buy a gift, or a little something, or clothes and shoes that BD needs, why do I feel as if I shouldn't be doing this? When SD6 says what she says to me, I feel terribly uncomfortable and question whether I should be buying for her or not. I sometimes feel guilty about buying things that my daughter needs and worry about mentioning it to OH. OH has his own wages minus bill money and maintenance. I dont know what he does with it half the time, but there you go....
To me, SD is NOT my repsonsibility. It is not for me to use money given or paid for my BD to be used for SD (which has been done in the past). Surly that's right?
Its as if SD6 feels that she is entitled to exactly the same as BD, even though she doesnt live under the same roof and any money for SD is receieved by her mother.
This was just sad. Your
This was just sad. Your daughter has to diminish her life, to protect the feeling of SD and to not feel guilty about what she has. Your SD is spoiled and this will get worse. I would point it out to your husband and to SD. I would call it out every time it happens. Unfortunately, unless she gets some parenting, she will just get worse and your daughter is the one that will make the sacrifices in her personality. You are changing who she is by exposing her to this girl. If you are going to do that, you need to protect your daughter and never let her not get something, just because your SD didn't get it. Life is not "even".
this is a problem. You see SD
this is a problem. You see SD has been told, in fact it was something her dad was quite particular over. But as she has got older nobody says anything because they feel sorry for her. mother in law spoils her every week, so this would never work. I've tried myself speak with her too, but if others enable her then what can I do to change it. Other half is more likely so say it's not happening, cos his princess wouldn't do anything like that!
this is a problem. You see SD
this is a problem. You see SD has been told, in fact it was something her dad was quite particular over. But as she has got older nobody says anything because they feel sorry for her. mother in law spoils her every week, so this would never work. I've tried myself speak with her too, but if others enable her then what can I do to change it. Other half is more likely so say it's not happening, cos his princess wouldn't do anything like that!
Just keep telling her that
Just keep telling her that daddy sends money to mommy and if she wants something, she should ask mommy for it.
As far as your DD, I would sympathize with her situation but tell her that she needs to not fib to SD...
hi there, I've tried that
hi there, I've tried that too! Once I actually broke it down and asked her if he's mom bought for my daughter when she bought for has, and she said no as if it was the most stupid question in the world, so I said well its the same for me and my daughter. BUT she still feels and expects that I should cater for her too. No matter what happens been said to her she still remains the same. I think maybe her mom is telling her something different and the fact that other in law constantly buys for her every week and weekend doesn't help. It's enabling her to continue with how she thinks.