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Anybody else's MIL competing with your Bios?

stressedstep's picture

I don't know if its me but, it seems lately that MIL is trying to compete with my BD regarding her grandaughter (my SD6). Everything my BD does or I suggest I might do, MIL goes off and sorts it for SD6. Now, i Know thats not very conclusive, but...12 months ago I investigated swimming lessons for my BD6, OH wanted SD6 to do them at the same because of when he has his SD6 and cost (he couldnt afford to pay for SD6 lessons), they were not my BD6 missed out last year because of times with SD6, and because OH wasnt too pleased with me continuing with BD6 lessons without SD6. I put names down on lists then to find a time suitable for both. Saturday evening just gone, SD6 is sitting in BD6 bedroom, both watching a DVD, I go into the room to put washing away and BD6 tells me that SD6 is having swimming lessons but its a secret from me (my BD6 has been taught NEVER to lie and to NEVER keep secrets from me)...SD6 confirms (with a smirk I swear to it) that her nan, my MIL, has booked lessons for her and confirms that it was a secret............why? Apparently OH knew too and never told me...........why? Apparently, it was cos MIL didnt want to "offend" me as she couldnt afford to pay for BD6 to do lessons......well Its not her ob to, its mine, so why would I be offended!?

I was angry because the reasons behind the original non-booking was known, and OH made it clear many times he wanted it done together as "a family", since I didnt need to cater for SD6, I booked BD6 into lessons, first one last night (Monday), I told OH I was going to do it during the didnt go down well, but I think its cos it turns out MIL hasnt actually booked the lessons, just looked into it!

I emailed MIL with advise about lessons because I hd found out that with it being expensive it didnt have to be paid for in one go and direct debit was optional which lowered the payments down. I thought this would help with her paying for SD6......normally she replies.....ive been ignored this time round.....

There seems to be so many little things annoying me lately...pregnancy hormones maybe....but I know what im seeing is happening Sad


amber3902's picture

So your DH doesn't want your bio to have swimming lessons without his bio, but it's okay for his mother to book swimming lessons for just his bio?

I don't think the problem is MIL, the problem is your DH. If he wants everything done together as a family, MIL should not go behind his back and do something just for SD. DH needs to handle his mother. You need to sit DH down and help him understand that you can't keep BD from doing things just because of scheduling conflicts with SD. I don't think it's fair that BD can't do things just because SD can't.

Regarding MIL - I've dealt with a meddling MIL before, so my advice to you is to disengage from her. Your DH needs to handle any communication with MIL. That's what I wound up having to do with my MIL. Don't send her any emails about swimming lessons, etc. If she does something for SD, let her, don't interfere.

You do for your BD. If SD can be included in the plans, great, but if not, don't let your BD go without just because SD can't be there.

My only advice is if SD can't be included because of cost, try to do it on a day that she won't be at your house. Also, tell BD not to rub it in her face, if you KWIM. I'm NOT saying tell BD to lie, but she doesn't need to go to SD and say "I'm going swimming and you're not, nah nah nah." I'm sure you know that will only cause more problems.

stressedstep's picture

Thanks for your reply...

"So your DH doesn't want your bio to have swimming lessons without his bio, but it's okay for his mother to book swimming lessons for just his bio?" had been discussed previously, and to my knowledge MIL also knew the plan.

"I don't think the problem is MIL, the problem is your DH. If he wants everything done together as a family"

Thing is my OH knew she had booked it, but hadnt told me took my BD6 to tell me cos SD6 had told her. OH said he "had only just found out".....considering his mom left 3 hours earlier! It just feels like if I want to do something extra curricular with my BD6, he wants it to be family orientated....but if its being booked for SD6 then its allowed without thought cos MIL has sorted it!

borrowedtime83's picture

Yep, this is my MIL to a t, only she doesn't tip toe around, she barges in with ferocity! Lol. She thinks that everything that happens when SD is not here is "unfair" and SD has to be lavished with vacations, shopping trips, gifts, etc.... all the time. I try to ignore the petty stuff, but its hurtful when my kids can't just have a birthday to themselves one day a year, or when they are hurt by seeing SD be spoiled all the time and never included.