Important Days...

I just read a post about a father not being with his child on father's day ... and the mother telling a 5 year old that her dad "didn't want her"... and then there was the whole discussion of whether that was PAS or not...

That brings up the point of this blog and my question to you ladies...

As children, we are brought up to realize that sometimes we celebrate our birthdays - not on the actual day - but on the weekend of the day our birthday is - so that everyone can attend. I know that if my birthday was on a Thursday, my mom may have had cake, but the party was on Saturday or Sunday. The day is recognized, but it's THE CELEBRATION of the meaning of the day, that really matters.

As we grow older, and get our own lives, the celebration rather than the day becomes even more pronounced.

Now add in step families and divorced families and parents who have to swap holidays, and kids learn to adjust. It's not December 25th that is Christmas, or even July 4th that is Independence Day. We celebrate when we can ... when we can all be together because that's what the holiday is about... right?

So my question is... how many of you have to adjust your schedules to celebrate when you can... and not the actual DATE on the calendar?

And if you have guessed, ... my 2 cents is that it was PAS to say that a parent doesn't want a child. EVEN IF THE BM BELIEVES IT AND FEELS JUSTIFIED (which I don't agree with, but hey - that's the argument being given). Just because she felt justified in saying it doesn't make it right. And if she thought the dad was "wrong".. then 2 wrongs still don't make a right.

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I agree with u

Hey Stick! I agree 110% as

Hey Stick! I agree 110% as usual

Wishing... Exactly... It's

Wishing... Exactly... It's what we make it. I think people get caught up or tripped up on the actual date on the calendar... but so often in our situations we cannot have those things.

I personally believe we are doing the children a big favor by concentrating on the meaning of the holiday - the love - the togetherness - etc... It will only help them when they grow up and go off to college, or try to have their own lives.

Of course, it would be GREAT if we could celebrate on the actual day... but really - even in "normal" situations, it doesn't always work out that way!

Hopefully, next year, your husband will listen to you and will create some of your own traditions with you / your skids. And we all know that the kids are going to want to be where IT FEELS LIKE HOME... no matter what date it is.

Hi BC / Anon!! Nice to see

Hi BC / Anon!! Nice to see you ladies... how's things?

I think the importance of the

I think the importance of the days depends on the family too. In my family, we must always make time for birthdays and mothers,fathers day. In other families,doing it a different day is ok. I said it in the other blog and I'll say it in this one, bm was a bitch for doing what she did. Especially after I got more of the backstory. Every family is different so I can no longer have an opinion on the rightness or wrongness of dad changing the schedule to suit his plans for the weekend.in my opinion,if bm was interested in compromise she would have let him have the children on his trip. I also don't see why he couldn't have come home a bit early just to see the children for a bit so they wouldn't feel as worthless as bms words made them feel. Each party could have done something a little different for a better result.that darned hindsight is 20/20 though. Bottom line,bm needs to grow up and stop using her daughter to hurt others

DD - The importance of the

DD - The importance of the day does depend on the family ...

But since your family really does try to make time for birthdays etc on the day... what do you do when it's just not possible? You move it, right? Because it's not the date.. it's the meaning behind it.

And you are right about 20/20 hindsight. It works great every time!!

We have a great luxury in all

We have a great luxury in all our family being really close geographically. We have never moved a birthday or mday or fday,well,not yet anyway;) I'm sure we will have no choice when the children are grown though.we will enjoy it while they're young;) I think moving it is eventually a must but the kids need to be openly communicated with about the plan that way they aren't vulnerable to crappy parents putting lies in their heads about the other parents

heres one - my DH was raised

heres one - my DH was raised Jehovah's Witness so he doesn't do Christmas - I do Christmas for my son and I HAVE to get Christmas parents for his abusive SD 14 and good SS 11 or else he gets extremely MAD - mind you he doesn't do presents for ANYONE - same goes for birthdays - he gets my son NOTHING but if I don't get his kids anything it's WAR

Razamond - how is he raising

Razamond - how is he raising his kids? I guess I wonder if your husband is sort of stuck in a rut of not knowing how to even give a gift. Like is it foreign to him? That's a strange one, that's for sure.

Huge difference to me between

Huge difference to me between bday & other holidays...people don't get the day off for their bday, therefore it is normally moved to a day when most people are available, ie no work/school...other holidays either fall on a weekend or everyone has them off, at least 99% of people.

Even then Herewego... at

Even then Herewego... at least 1% of people work on a part of the holiday... and those people celebrate when they can.

I think to some extent it has to do with flexibility and understanding that how much someone cares does not always correlate to if they can attend a function when everyone else can, or when it is expected.

I work probably 7/10 Federal

I work probably 7/10 Federal holidays a year, including Christmas and Thanksgiving. We celebrate at work with our patients and coworkers. We celebrate around the holiday with our families. It has more to do with seeing my family and the traditions. It doesn't have to be that day. I never work my birthday.

In May, BF and I got tickets to take his son to his first prof. bball game. His exMIL heard about it, and she took BF's son last minute the week before to a game. BF was disappointed. He didn't say much, but he did say that. I said it doesn't matter and that I was still taking my camera to take pictures of them at the first game he took his son to. It was more about the meaning of the experience than anything else. I know it is a little bit different, but to me, the feeling about it is the same.

UGH Ana - even though you are

UGH Ana - even though you are completely right about it being about the meaning of the experience more than anything else... it is STILL ANNOYING that dumb exMIL had to beat BF to the punch. She sounds like a real "winner"... :sick:

Sorry that your BF had to go through that... but I honestly believe that it won't matter that exMIL took SS first. It's his first game with his daddy that will really make some memories!

That's exactly what I said.

That's exactly what I said. And, we have pictures from it.

Jesus wasn't born anywhere

Jesus wasn't born anywhere near December 25th. Early Christians used the fact that the pagans had a festival at that time to mask their celebration of Jesus. In the Bible it CLEARLY states that when Jesus was born the shepherds were sleeping in the fields with their flocks. I can guarandamntee you that doesn't happen in December in Israel. It's freezing ass cold. The flock was always fenced and the shepherds were inside in the winter at night. The fields were barren anyway.

Almost just as surely Jesus didn't die around Easter. There was a Spring rebirth/fertility festival that occurred around that time and that's when the early christians chose, again to mask their true intentions so as not to be fed to the lions, to have their "rebirth" celebration. Ever wonder why kids hunt Easter eggs? The egg is a fertility symbol. Wonder why we have flowers and such? Because they are reborn in the Spring.

The point of all that is that the original post is 100% correct. The damned date of the celebration means nothing. What about people who were born on February 29th? Do we not love them just as much when we celebrate their birthdays on the 28th when it's not a Leap Year?

Who you are with and what you do and the celebration you have is FAR more important than what the date on the calendar on the wall is when you're celebrating with them...

Thanks Iamconfused... I

Thanks Iamconfused... I forgot about the actual historical examples!!

I work in a field where I

I work in a field where I don't have the luxury of having every holiday off. My husband does too. Our children learned to celebrate the day when we could and I think they cherished the fact the family was all together more than the date on the calendar.

Thank Buttercookie!

Crayon! Yay! We have common

Crayon! Yay! We have common ground! Now, should we celebrate on this day, June 24th? Or just any day it strikes us to have a cheers and a drink with each other?? (Cheers today and in the future - I need that margarita.. how about you?)

Thank you! Exactly what many

Thank you! Exactly what many people were trying to say on my blog yesterday. To "most" people, the exact DAY doesn't matter as much as the way your family celebrates it.

We didn't get to have the skids last Christmas, or for Easter this year, it's just how the holidays landed. The first day we saw them after the holiday, they knew Santa had come to our house too and we celebrated that day. It was disappointing not to see their excited faces Christmas Eve/Christmas morning, but we realized that THIS year we will get to. The trade-offs of having 50/50 custody... Sometimes I think it's more sad for the parents than the kids.

SteppingUp - you are right.

SteppingUp - you are right. It is funny isn't it? Kids are so adaptable. We can teach them what's "normal" and they think twice about it.

I know what you mean about Christmas. It has always been a juggle here too...

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