the pimple analogy
I was reading on here this morning some of your posts and got to thinking something funny but sorta sad too. You know how when you have a pimple growing and it's painful but not yet ready to be popped? You are SOOOOOO aware of it every minute of the day being there and annoying you to hell, and all you can think about is that you want to pop that thing and get rid of it? You just want to get that puss out of your system??? HUH? Ever have that happen to you? :sick:
THAT my dear friends is how I feel about ss16. He is like an irritating puss filled, stinky, ugly ZIT in my life and all I can think about is that I want to rid my home of this irritant.
Sad isn't it? You can only imagine what he must feel from me. I try so hard to be civil but in all reality I don't give a damn b/c he ain't mine and I don't care about his welfare very much at all. DH tries to get me involved in liking him and him me, but we are like oil and water and tend to repel each other.
I just feel like this is so wrong though. Why would anyone allow themselves to be in this situation? Then it comes back to the question so many of us ask ourselves, is love enough? Luckily I only have two years left, but I have already done 4 1/2 years of this. I love DH but has it been worth it to after all is said and done, to have spent 6-7 years of my life raising a child I think of as puss and an irritant in my life? I raised a disabled daughter and she was difficult, but she was my own flesh and blood, and yet I put my own flesh and blood into a care home. Why do I live with a kid that's not even mine? Yet couldn't even have my own kid live with me? Why can't I just put my foot down and say he's gotta go? Do I love DH so much that I cannot even come btw him and his child? I guess that makes me human but is it even fair to ss for him to live in such a repelling environment as in my home? I cannot believe living here is better then with BM but apparently it is.
I have this pimple growing in my life and want to so badly pop it and get it out. I want to so badly have my home back and my life back. :?
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Ps, and by the way, my xh was
Ps, and by the way, my xh was the one who told me 10 yrs ago that it was either him or my daughter, one of them had to go. So it wasn't my choice to put her into a home. At the time with two younger boys and thinking they needed their dad, that was the choice made. It was no easy decision for me, I cried for months. Now she is 20 and in a good place and I have my boys, and xh lives a very lonely life.
I just wanted to clear that up.