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Wish us luck! Going to see a lawyer today to find out if it will be worth the fight/money to go for full custody.

SteppingUp's picture

A lot of big things have happened in the past two weeks. BM’s recently “broken” cell phone fell into our possession and nothing has been deleted. To the professionals we’ve spoken with in the past week about it, they all say that it is fair game as she knowingly gave the phone to her kids, and knew they were taking it to our house – whether or not she thought the phone was broken and wouldn’t turn on, she had made no effort to delete information in her phone while she had it (Which included sexted photos) and there was no lock code. So basically the kids could have taken her phone at any time and somehow seen naked men’s genitalia as well as her own naughty photos.

We’ve gone through the texts and found a TON of information that seems to be the icing on the cake. We’ve been documenting over the past three years as much as possible. With our documentation, our calendars of when we have had the kids and when we’ve known she’s not with her kids when it’s supposed to be her time, we’ve determined MANY lies that are proven by her texts on this phone. Lies we have always suspected but couldn’t prove (excuses made to us that say things like “I’m not feeling good, can you take the kids?” then she’s texting her friends the next moment that they’re going to the bar). Let’s also add in that she has been having an affair with a jealous married man, had sex with an 18 year old that she just randomly met, as well as all the other random men who text her in the middle of the night for a booty call. There is some evidence that some of this has happened while the kids are WITH her, sleeping in their room (she mentions “I’ve got the kiddos but can sneak you in later after 9”).

I spoke with a friend of mine who is a Child Protective Services worker and she said that we can definitely prove that even if most of her misbehavior is going on when she’s not with the kids, that it is detrimental to their well-being. When she is hungover the next morning after she sent them to her mom’s for the night, they are not being cared for. The kids even tell us that “Mommy was sleeping all day, so we didn’t get to eat breakfast or lunch” – and it’s 6pm and they are starving.

The other big thing that happened last week is that DH called SD6’s biodad and they spoke on the phone for 2 hours! It was HUGE progress!! They are both on-board and SD6’s biodad is planning to also take BM to court. His issue is a little different, as he pays her child support and we end up having sD6 for half of her time. They’ve never signed a stipulation at all, it’s been all a verbal agreement, so he definitely has a leg to stand on to remove some custody from BM as far as SD6 is concerned. At one point this past summer, we were seeing SD6 more than anyone, and she’s not even my husband’s daughter. At any time when we have tried to ask BM for help in taking SD6 for a night or two more a week, she has FLIPPED out on us. It’s very apparent she does not want her kids, except for the minimal time.

Let’s also add that in DH’s talk with SD6’s biodad, we uncovered even more lies. He also said she is constantly begging him for money for things and threatening to take SD6 away from him if he doesn’t help her out. Yet let me remind you that this woman is constantly tanned, hair bleached/feathered/extensions, new clothing CONSTANTLY, and at the bar atleast 4 times a week. Yet she can’t spare the $40 it costs a month to put her kid in gymnastics.

Anyway, wish us luck! I hope our lawyer is brutally honest with us with whether our evidence/documentation will hold up against anything, if the fight will be worth the emotional and financial costs.


Jsmom's picture

It will be expensive, but worth it in the end...Cost us 17K to get SS and he is doing great now and eventually no more contact with BM. Asked how his weekend was he said fine he stayed in his room the whole weekend. She never cooked so he came home starving. We have 8 more visits now and then he is done....Worth the money and heartache to stop watching him suffer.

DaizyDuke's picture

Good luck! BM is certainly a piece of work, who has been getting away with her nonsense for far too long. Even if you guys don't get full custody out of all this, at least it will put her on notice that everyone is sick of dealing with her lack of parenting/poor parenting and will not be putting up with it any more.

SteppingUp's picture

Yes, in the short phone conversation with the lawyer she said that if not full custody (because in our state it is VERY rare for a man to have full custody of his kids), that it sounds like it's atleast a solid case for joint custody and getting her to agree to split everything down the middle where no one pays the other child support.

SteppingUp's picture

That is basically what happened. SD6 was playing with it and it miraculously turned on!

DaizyDuke's picture

you know I half wonder if BM did this on purpose... gave the phone to SD under the pretext that it was "broken" knowing it was not and that it had her male parts pictures, sexting etc on there, so that your DH would see them. I half think in her screwed up mind, she thinks the life she lives is "glamorous" Didn't she even say to you guys once that she was sorry that you were soooo boorrring and pardon her for having a "life"?

SteppingUp's picture

We absolutely considered that scenario as well. But when DH sent her a text that said "You should probably delete the things off of your old phones before giving them to your kids to play with" -- she freaked out and was very concerned about what exactly we had seen/read. If it had been slightly on purpose I think her reaction would have been more like "Well if you and SteppingUp are that concerned about wanting to read and see what is goign on in my life that is pathetic." She also was confused because she said she removed her SIM card (which really makes us wonder what was on THAT!), which yes she had but she didnt realize that the phone still stores stuff in a smaller scale on a text conversation.

SteppingUp's picture

No she just thought photos were only stored on the SIM card so she took that out when she got her new phone. She said the phone wouldn't even turn on for her to delete anything.

She called him frantically but he was at work so he told her he would talk to her later after kids were in bed. Then later he called her and she said she was out and couldn't hear (at the bar again-- but it was our night w/ kids). She texted him that she wants her phone back, and said "So basically you read everything on there?" and he didn't admit to any of it, just said how are you that dumb to keep photos like that on your phone w/o even a lock code on it!?" and she just kept saying she didn't know it would even turn on. He told her we've deleted everything on it so now the kids can actually play with it, and she believed him. But of course she told SD6 to bring it back to her house, so when we were going through SD's backpack for homework stuff we found it.