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Dear BM: A parent is supposed to help censor things from the child (...a 6 y.o. does not need to see Breaking Dawn)

SteppingUp's picture

A little background: I am a fan of the Twilight movies and books to some degree. We get HBO, and they're always on, and I'm famous for turning on movies I've already seen while I'm doing household things. The skids have never seen the movies, just parts, and there have been times when it's on when they come over and SD6 would say "This movie AGAIN!?" and wouldn't pay much attention to it.

Last Sunday, BM couldn't pick up skids until later because she was going to see Breaking Dawn. This past week, my sister-in-law notified me of BM's Facebook status: that she wants to take SD6 to see it! She wrote that she's made her daughter obsessed with Twilight movies and how SD6 has watched them all and is excited to see the new one.

I warned DH about this, explained that this newest movie is not appropriate for a 6 year old -- unless BM plans to take her out for the honeymoon scene? Then MAYBE. I had to explain to him that the whole movie revolves around Edward and Bella having sex. How many times does a 6-year-old need to see two naked people making out in a bed to "get it"??? Especially after a few months ago, she told her little brother that she wants to get naked on a couch with a boy. I explained to DH that when I was teaching high school students, I had parents who were concerned about their students reading that last book -- HIGH SCHOOLERS!

So I couldn't help myself, I posted on my own Facebook the question: Is Breaking Dawn appropriate for a 6 year old to see? And I had a TON of comments on it, every single one saying NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT. This was more to prove to DH, who hasn't seen Breaking Dawn yet...that I'm not just overreacting. He said that he'll talk with BM about it if we hear any more.

And yesterday began the text war (I kept telling him to call her but he likes having texts to keep for documentation:

BM: I'm taking the kids to the movies so I'll drop them off after, around 6:30.
DH: What movie?
BM: Son is going with his friend, my friend's son, to Happy Feet 2. Daughter is going with me and friend to Breaking Dawn
DH: Breaking Dawn is not age appropriate for SD6
BM: I will decide, thank you
DH: It is PG-13 for a reason, she is 6, nowhere close to 13.
BM: I'm pretty sure it's PG13 because of violence, which she is okay with
DH: Why not wait and rent it and fast forward through the half hour sex scene
BM: The sex scene doesn't show anything, and its only 5 minutes. IF Daughter is disturbed she can cover her eyes
DH: NO, you are the Mom, you decide what is right for her. She's a kid, she wont close her eyes she will be intrigued by that shit.
BM: An effective way to CO parent is to discuss things, not yell at people.
DH: I am trying to discuss with you and you are refusing to take my opinion into account. Atleast two parents in her life are not impressed with this decision, I'm sure her biodad and stepmom wouldn't want it either. She is your DAUGHTER, not your FRIEND.
BM: I refuse to take someone's opinion if they are calling me names and swearing at me.
DH: Re-read your text, I called you "mom" -- apparently that's offensive to you.

(NO response)

2 hours later:
BM: Well the kids lost their priveledge becasue they are being bad, so no movie. When can you take them so that I dont blow a fuse?
DH: I'll let you know, we've made plans this afternoon since we weren't supposed to get them til 6:30.
BM: Fine.

1 hour later:
BM: They cleaned their room and have been good so I'm going to take them to Arthur's Christmas instead. Drop off around 6:30.

We are suspecting that either BM talked to some other friends of hers or her mom about it and they agreed with US, that it's innapropriate for a 6 year old. The part that pisses us off is that whole double-standard -- because SD6 is technically not "ours" BM uses us when she wants us to be "parents" but doesn't take our parenting perspectives into account when SHE wants to make a decision by herself.

Also - way to be an effective disciplinarian, BM -- give the kids a consequence and then take them to a movie anyway?


SteppingUp's picture

I understand your perspective, but it's just not going to happen for awhile. And it's hard when she's being raised this way, and her younger brother will be raised that way...and they will influence our own son. There's a level where we DO need to be concerned about this stuff even if we only consider ourselves a "fun aunt and uncle"...especially since we still have her 4 days every other week and are expected to be parenting figures to her on those days.

Auteur's picture

The Behemoth, merely dropped off just turned 13 (But maturity-wise and scholastically speaking 7 years old) VD with her classmate to see Breaking Dawn; no adult supervision whatsoever and as a "reward" for not failing her fru fru classes (she failed all her CORE SUBJECT classes 15 points BELOW failing!!!) :jawdrop:

Oh and the Behemoth is a CPS worker in her county!!! MOTY!!!

SteppingUp's picture

Ugh, it drives me crazy. I do believe rated R movies you are supposed to be 17 even WITH a parent? What the heck?

PG-13 is at a parent's discretion though...ugh!

SteppingUp's picture

Oh, so we were laughing to ourselves wondering what BM would say if SD6 caught us in the act? She'd probably be upset, saying "you should be more careful when you have the kids" etc... Duh!

So he's thinking of testing her, telling her that SD6 saw us last night - didn't see any of our "parts" but she saw us naked and on teh bed...just to see what she says. It's the SAME thing as Breaking Dawn! I'm not sure if he'll go through with it, but it'd be interesting to find out what her reaction would be!