I would be pissed. But, mine have done the same thing to me. I have most de-friended on Facebook because of this. You may want to consider it. But, shame on him for not seeing how this can hurt.

I just stay off FB.

The only news feed that is note worthy is "I Fucking Love Science" but even that is not worth checking FB every hour on the hour.

Why do they not consider you a family member? That's what's rude, your are his wife.

In-laws remaining friendly with ex is not necessarily rude or inappropriate, it depends on the situation.

My exH's Mom LOVES me. We've always gotten along, through our divorce and on.. When she's in town, she'll call me to make plans. She called on mother's day to thank me for being a good mom to her grandbabies. She even claims my new baby with DH as her newest grandbaby... but we had a great friendship while I was married to DH.

My exH's SM, is another story. She has always been in a pissing match with any woman, BIL's wives, me, anyone - even DD13 when she did not go along with her idea. ExSMIL would not allow me to attend her father's memorial even though my DD13 cried to me over and over asking me to attend. exH and exSMIL told her that they would be "enough" support for her. I had to let DD know that though they could probably be plenty of support, the fact was that they were not allowing me to attend and THAT was the reason I wouldn't be there.

My exMIL had two sons. I was her first "daughter". She loved/loves me -even though I'm not with her son any longer. I'm the mother of her only grandchildren. She stayed out of me and exH's "issues". SMIL took sides and called me a bitch, etc. She is also not fond of the new wife and will never be happy with anyone invading her territory.

... just something for you to compare your sitch with.

seems there's no room for the new wife, the old one refuses to vacate that seat. I would consider yourself to be MIL free. you don't have a MIL. act accordingly. do not afford her all the "motherly" things that you would bestow on a mother-in-law. your dh not considering your feelings could potentially destroy your marriage. are there other aspects of your relationship with your dh that your feelings aren't considered? this could very well be a hill to die on if you are taking a back seat to his mom, his ex or his kids. my own dh tried that himself. I told him no way buddy, i'm first in EVERY relationship you have and if i'm not, you can go kick dirt and find a doormat to be married to. he way a momma's boy big time. and instead of getting mad when dh began putting our marriage first, his mom told me her son is finally the son she always wanted. he and bm had depended on her for way too much. I still keep mil at arm's length because I know she still has ties to skids, but we have a friendly, cordial relationship. she just isn't privy to anything we wouldn't want bm knowing.

*drumroll please* Annnddd that's why I'm not on Facebook! Too much drama- I'm too busy living my life!

It is disrespectful. Sorry, sick of these assholes allowing their families to treat us this way. F#$%4ck him!

I have the same issues - BM is besties with OH's brothers wife - so I have only met his brother once by accident - because his SIL banned him from seeing us.

The MIL - now has dementia and is in a nursing home. But at the beginning or our rs BM told everyone who would listen (including her own kids) that OH cheated on her with me (not true) and that I am why he left her. MIL believed this and we lived together for 8 months before she would agree to even meet me. When we first moved in together he would visit her on his own or with the skids. And every time he did she would rant at him about what he had done, and that he needed to leave me and go back to "his wife"...

Who was also still visiting her regularly.

Eventually I told him that to continue with the visits and NEVER put his mother in her place and tell her that BM was wrong and that he was staying with me and standing by me was disrespectful to me (etc) I got the usual crap at first "but she's my MOTHER!!!" So what? I am your partner and you do nothing to protect or defend me - I would never allow my family to treat him that way.

So he finally got it, and the next visit when she started he told her off, and then he didn't see her for a few months. Eventually she invited us both over for afternoon tea. I nearly didn't go. But I sucked it up for him, because she extended the olive branch. She was very nice to me.

But she went down hill very rapidly and by the end of that year was in a home. BM still visits her EVERY week. Playing the good daughter, she leaves cards and notes to "her mother" etc. Makes a big deal to the staff about how she is "OH's wife" (when he has turned up with me I get some looks I tell you! - one of them caught me in the corridor one day and asked!! I told her that BM is his EX wife and is having trouble letting go LOL - so this one has told the others so now I get smiles and how are you's, and I wonder how they look at her these days LOL

She was even there on Mothers Day.

And I just want to say Fuck off you bitch, she's a confused old woman, she has NO idea and you just make it harder for her.

It's an unwritten rule as far as I am concerned - you stay friendly but you also distance yourself from the ex's family, courtesy and respect.

So, your OH is wrong, he needs to understand that whilst he can not really DO anything about it what he CAN do is to be empathetic to you and your feelings.