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Sd 17 and texting happy birthday

Someoneelse's picture

It was my birthday recently and sd sent me a "happy birthday" text... which imo is odd, i swear she NEVER texts me happy birthday. But i send her a equally as half assed "thnx" in acknowledgment. 

Later that night DH asks if Sd17 called me to wish me happy birthday.... lol 

Sooooo, DH told sd to call me to wish me happy birthday... but she half assed his request and only sent me a text lol... don't get me wrong... i don't like to even think about sd in my special days... i want to FORGET that she exists... that would be my happy birthday wish....

Dd18 off away at college texts me daily, at  2am she sent me an "i love you i how you have a good birthday, I miss you a lot" nobody had to remind her, she was up and thought of me, dd19 first thing in the morning, she tells me happy birthday... i feel that at SOME POINT we stop reminding our children to think of other people... at SOME POINT they are old enough to want to wish the people they care about happy birthday, happy mothers day, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, etc... if they don't do it, then that person isn't important enough in that person's life... and it's time to get over it. 

I could HONESTLY give less than a $#!t if sd never wished me a happy birthday. I honestly wish she wouldn't. 

ESMOD's picture

For what it's worth.. your DH thought he was doing a nice thing by reminding her.. and she did the "obedient daughter" think and texted you.  Obv you and she both know the true relationship.. i hope you had a great day regardless!

Someoneelse's picture

Thanks. I agree, I think that DH was trying to do something nice, and sd was "obeying orders".  But i wish i could just enjoy my day. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Happy birthday!

This is kind of funny my DH will try to remind me that it is SD's birthday but it doesn't seem like he reminds her of mine or anyone else's.

It was quite annoying because I had already texted her happy birthday and he reminded me as if I had forgotten.

JRI's picture

I get this type of thing, too.  I'm sure DH is behind it.  Whatever.  I say thanks and move on.  Actions tell me how people really feel.

 

ng, y

Someoneelse's picture

That's a good idea, i still want to hear from my own children in my birthday though... so i wouldn't be able to. 

2Tired4Drama's picture

Once a year I get a text from SD which says, "Happy Birthday!"  Otherwise I don't hear from her at all which is fine by me. I long ago changed my expectations of any substantive relationship with her and disengaged. She is in her 30s now and a mother and full-fledged adult, so is certainly old enough to establish her own relationships with people. 

The irony is the last time I saw her within the first 30 minutes she asked me point blank, "What do you want the gskids to call you?"  The gskids weren't even talking at that point. To me that was very telling of how her mind works - which is it's all about being superficial. 

Here is a person who she communicates with ONE time per year for a grand total of two words (Happy Birthday) and yet she thinks we need to establish what "grandparent" name her kids will use?  She's delusional.

My only advice to you is that you shouldn't compare your own children's actions with SD's. It's like trying to compare behaviors between birds and snakes.  Two different species with differing behaviors. 

 

Someoneelse's picture

The only reason i was comparing is to show that i KNOW the difference between someone genuinly wishing me a happy birthday and someone who was doing so because she was instructed to do so.

I just wish DH would quit trying to FORCE a mother/ daughter relationship between us. I know she doesn't think/ care about me, and i certainly don't think/ care a whole lot about her. I DO care about my husband and want him to be happy, but not at the expense of my sanity.

SteppedOut's picture

My exSO (big b) daughter texted me happy birthday AFTER I left SO. Typically, she would act like I did not even exist - even if I was in the same room and spoke to her (same for my BABY son; she would completely ignore him as he "wasn't family").

His kids were terrible to me and my son (an ours baby). 

I guess he asked her to (she never previously had my cell#), trying to "prove" his kids were magically overnight changed people. 

LOL. I didn't even respond. 

I'm Enough's picture

My adult SD is way past acknowledging me. Even after my father's death. However, I was thinking I was being the better adult, and sent her a HBD text last week. Nothing. So she really has ghosted me. I'm fine with that. She still cash's the checks though. My DH is a bit late on sending the check, I was always better at that. As you said "Someelse" that person isn't interested in us and we need to get over it. I too have two children with DH who are the most thoughtful adults. It has to be growing up with two different sets of parents and families that make stepskids so different. I'm not sure if that is even the correct term. We should all write a book together. Collaborate.

Someoneelse's picture

she's not only just unthoughtful... shes horrendous! she's borderline EVIL! that's why I'd rather not recieve a text on my special day. DH keeps trying to get me to see her the way he does, but she's done so much damage to our family, I can only see her as bad.

Crr18's picture

My SO tells his kids to text me on my birthday and told them to text me when my dad passed and when I was in the hospital. He also reminds me to do it with them if they have something special. I know he thinks he is doing what is right. I feel he could mention to them that it is my birthday or hey her dad passed away. Let them decide if they should text. He also forces them to come and have cake with me.  I don't need the forced. I don't think bio parents understand that this makes the skids want to be around us less.  They probably think us as steps are complaining about them .

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

Yep. And of all the days - it's suppose to be our bday. I always took the call but this year I am doing things differenctly. Last bday I enjoyed a brief convo with one SKID and the other kept warning my DH "I am going to call 'that woman' " which my DH would proudly announce. "Opppp I know he said he'd call at 10 but now he wants to call at 12." Then..."ohhh something popped up noow he's stating 3 p.m." Finally at 6 p.m. the kid called - it was a constant reminder of him the entire day rather then where I wanted to focus my energy and my wishes. By the time he called we were headed to dinner and I would have preferred a voicemail. We chatted however DH got hungry and closed down the convo. It dampened my experience for the day having to get that call over with. I am not doing that this year. I am going to turn my cell off and have my DH do the same- a VM or text is perfect and I can listen to if I want to....Somehow even when a dysfunctional SKID is far far away it always ends up being about that SKID.