Entitled, selfish 15 year old isn't getting the Christmas they are expecting. Opinions?
My boyfriend has a son. 15 years old now. The last two Christmas' I have made sure that he has had a fantastic Christmas! Fantastic meaning - X-box, games, gaming chair, 70 inch flat screen TV, Star Wars light saber (the real deal) clothes ... basically everything that was on his list(s). You know what? That has gotten me no-where. He is not grateful at all. Not one bit. He has an attitude that I am his cash cow (I am to blame for allowing it to happen. I am to blame for allowing him to manipulate me) but recently he said to me: "Hey, how are we coming on that PlayStation 4 and the Virtual Reality"? I don't know what happened but all of a sudden the blinders were ripped off. "How are we coming with that PlayStation 4 and Virtual Reality" Seriously? Like Don Corleon is sitting in the back seat of my car saying that to me as I drive his ass to Scouts. Then everything started coming to the forefront, his entitled attitude, his manipulative personality, the way he pits me against his mom (Well, you only got me a three month subscription to Xbox online. Mom got me a year) And poof - I was done. I told his dad that I am not spending one more cent on him for Christmas this year (I had already bought him a pair of jeans) Anything else would have to come from him and his bank account. You know what? This kid is getting a pair of jeans, a sweater and a Scout knife. That is it. And, I don't feel bad about it at all. Maybe a bad Christmas will teach him to be a bit more grateful. Thoughts on this welcome.
- Stepmom in Maryland's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Yikes - yes, stop that right
Yikes - yes, stop that right now. This kid sounds like a spoiled brat. What made you want to buy all that stuff for him in the first place?
I bought him all of the stuff
I bought him all of the stuff because I felt (past tense) bad for him. His mom lives in TX (we live in Maryland) and doesn't bother to send any gifts to him for Christmas or his birthday. SS does go down to visit his mom the day after Christmas up until the New Year and I suppose she buys him stuff when he is there. I don't know, I don't ask. This kid has a good heart (I think fundamentally) but he is truly lazy, he also lies, cheats and steals. Get this - he went into his dads wallet, took a picture of his credit card and then proceeded to buy games for the computer. For that little stunt he had to do community service. I went to take something out of his backpack (he asked me to) and his cheat sheets popped out of a book. He was busted and begged me not to tell his dad. Of course, I told his dad. He lies constantly - I don't trust a word that comes out of his mouth. Lazy! Man, do I mean LAZY! He is 15. At 15 I was mowing the front and backyard of a 1 acre lot. He barely can mow the front yard without complaining and whining and stopping 15 times - "Oh, I have to go to the bathroom". This lot isn't even that big! Maybe, maybe, maybe a half acre front and back yard. He keeps bowls and cups and eaten food in his room. It is DISGUSTING. When he's not there, I go and check to see how much food is in his room and then I blow a gasket when I see the results. One time, there were enough plates and cups to go down the hall and the stairs of a two story home. I try to get SO to step it up and keep on him about it and it has gotten better but SO is not consistent. SS recently said: "I want to go be in TX. That's where I'm headed after high school. I'm going to take that car you give me and head down there". I said to SS - "I think you hurt your dads feelings by saying that". His response was: "Oh well, he'll get over it"! Oh totally insensitive and disrespectful. (and, by the way - there is NO WAY in hell, that I will GIVE him a car) I, at times, think that this relationship will end because of SS. I love SO but I really don't want a life with this SS and the drama that it brings. Drama, drama, drama - so much drama. UGH!
"This kid has a good heart"
"This kid has a good heart"
Not.
It's a yes from me!
It's a yes from me!
Also, I sort of fell into
Also, I sort of fell into this trap the first 2 Christmas's together. Bought skids presents myself, plus got everyone stockings and filled them. This year I decided I'm changing tactics. I will continue to fill stockings for everyone (including my SO) with small gifts and candy, but he is in charge of the big gifts. He makes sure skids know that the stockings are from me, but still puts both our names on the gifts. I do like them knowing I care enough to get them something, and they are good kids, we have a good relationship. It's kind of like my own special thing I do, and my SO wouldn't do stockings otherwise. I've been trying to step back in general and take some pressure off myself when it comes to skids.
I bought more stuff the first
I bought more stuff the first years too, but dear god, not TVs and gaming consoles! DH got the big stuff for him. I did do stocking stuffers, and small gifts. I was going to be Stepmother Of The Year.
I sure regret that now that SS is a narcissistic, alienated jerk.
Lol, yep, stepmother of the
Lol, yep, stepmother of the year! Back when you are new and so naive...
EXACTLY.
EXACTLY.
SD15 (then 13) complained after Xmas that year that she didn't have nearly enough gifts. She also counted all the gifts EACH TIME she was at our house to see how things were coming along. She complained about what gift cards she got (and had requested) and about the food served for the holiday meal (basically everything the SDs had requested in the first place). Don't get me started on the fiasco of cookie making and disturbing 'family time' that year.
So I told DH that I was done caring. Last year I did not decorate (I hid my good ornaments too), I did not cook. I did not clean. I bought stocking stuffers and only one thing each for SDs (ok, SD12 got an extra gift or two because she is good). I spent very little money and time and it was wonderful.
This year SD15 is getting zip. Nada. She doesn't want to talk with DH or come to our home, then no gifts.
This weekend - no help nor thank yous
Yeah, well its not only Christmas time, its Disengagment time.
Munchkin SD12.5, totally has been blowing me off - Ill ask her to please feed and water the pets, and she will typically say "ill do that later after I [insert something here, such as "take a dump, eat my snack that is waiting in the fridge, brush my hair, watch this video on my phone, pet the rabbit that is eyeing me hungrily"]..." and either it will be forgotten, or shes taking a nap, or too cold, or it takes like an hour to do something that should only take about 10 minutes or less.
This happened right before we were planning on going to a comic book convention - shes an artist and wants to do her own comics...and so I couldnt cancel, and ended up spending $35 to get us all in and buy her a pin. And there were no thank yous, just "oh that was so small, not very interesting."
So, now I am thinking about all this - shes normally a really sweet kid, says that she thinks of me like a second mom, sais she loves me, etc. But after this weekend Im thinking Ill just give her a little cash - $25. So she can waste it on snacks, and not take her to places, pay for anything anymore.
Its hard to deal with kids who arent yours, that belong to someone you care for, and have them treat you just like you are an ATM.
Disengagement is your friend.
Lavish presents
I really do not think a stepparent should get a kid lavish presents, unless a very unusual situation. I even have issues with a grandparent getting a kid this stuff. I have told the GPs no lavish presents. Small gift, college fund if you wish.
Kids can be ungrateful at
Kids can be ungrateful at times. They need to be taught how to be grateful and appreciative of what they get. And your spouse needs to back you up on it. My 7-year-old stepdaughter is a great kid, but this year, on her birthday, she mentioned an hour or so after opening presents that "I usually get 3 presents, this year I only got 2" and right away, I said "well, next year you'll only get 1 if you talk like that."
She immediately apologized, thanked me again for the gifts, and moved on. She knows I'll follow through. Anytime she's ungrateful, we take a step back (both of us as a united front) and address it. One year, we went to the store to pick up a bike helmet and knee pads for the new bike she got. We were planning on going home and trying it out after. After grabbing the helmet and knee pads, we walked by the easter candy and she started saying she wanted something.
We reminded her it's almost easter, she doesn't need it now, we're only hear to get the helmet and knee pads. She got upset, pouty, and whiny saying "but i can't eat those, i want chocolate" and we immediately put the helmet and knee pads back and left the store. She got a talk at home about appreciating what she gets, and apologized for her bratty behaviour lol. Handle it right away and they suddenly get appreciative next time they get something :-)
Why are you buying him all
Why are you buying him all that stuff?? It stuns me when stepparents (and you're not even his stepmom, you're his dad's gf) spend so much money on others' children. I buy SS9 a token gift for Christmas/birthday and let his dad (who is money conscious) spend a little more.
Glad your blinders are off. This kid sounds like a spoiled sh*t. Do you think if you and your BF broke up that you would ever hear from him again?
I think it's a yes from me..
I think it's a yes from me.. he is old enough to be grateful and to understand he isn't entitled to a dang thing.. especially from someone he is not related to! I also on occasion spoiled my DH's girls.. not once did they demand "more".
It seems like at that age
It seems like at that age they have no idea how much things cost and the adults in their lives appear to have infinite resources, so why can't they have everything they want?
He sounds spoiled and he needs to learn to be grateful for whatever he gets. He is not your kid, and he is not entitled to anything from you.
You all are so very right! I
You all are so very right! I am disengaging and not paying for anything else. If he wants to have a relationship with me it needs to be because he wants to - not because I buy him things. He says to me tonight - I will need money for when I go to Texas (to visit his mom) I said: “Well, you had better let your mom know that then”. It felt good. It felt very good.
yeah
Munchkin SD12 does that to me all the time - looks at me and tells me of a new backpack she really likes, because the one I gave her (Ralph Loren Polo backpack from Goodwill) is "boring" ie navy blue and she wants light gray.
Or when she looks at me and said how she needs a digital drawing pad, that typically costs 1,800. Yeah, kid, dont look at me!
The other day I gave her a nice warm sporty coat, because she was shivering cold, and DH has just paid his alimony and child support, and I had just spent a bunch of money on bills. And she made comments about how she doesnt like the coats at Costco. I snickerd a little and informed her that the coat she has been wearing every day, came from Costco.
Same thing here
after the Girhippo purposely spoiled every christmas surprise and their "is that all?" attitude, then, after dutifully conspiring with their "MOTY" on bogus CPS charges against us had the NERVE to reject top of the line gifts whilst the Girhippo snickered, that was it.
Used gift cards with less than $2 on each should be his christmas gift!!
This took the cake- one year
This took the cake- one year we bought skids a normal, if not generous amount of presents. They each had like 8 things? This was the year Crazy said she couldn't afford anything for them and didn't want skids for Christmas at all. My SO convinced her to take them, and then bought a Nintendo and had it delivered to her house so skids had something to open at Christmas. Not only did she wrap it up and pass it off as a gift from her (which, whatever, that was expected), she also signed them up for gifts from a charity, so skids had like 20 presents each at her house, and Crazy looked like a hero even though she didn't buy ANY of it. She then told skids that we "barely got them anything", and my SO spent more money on my gift than theirs because he cares more about me than them. SD came back from her house telling us that mom said we barely gave them any presents. UNREAL.
If you are not respected
Then some cheap gift. A nice book about respecting people
I want to know what this skid
I want to know what this skid gives you for Christmas? To dad? BM?
Does his dad help him with gift giving, or is it a one way street? Because this boy is old enough to be participating in the joy of giving.
Spoiling the little ones was always the norm in my DH's family, with FIL leadng the way. Trouble is, they never learned how to be grateful, gracious, or giving, and as adults still range from thoughtless to entitled. The script never flipped. All those one-sided Christmases really depleted the joy I used to take in selecting gifts. Good for you for saying Enough to the catering.
My Mum always says ...
Nothing for nothing. Santa Claus is dead.
Which means you reap what you sow. I would mention to SS that he will get what he has earned with his love and helpfulness and being a good citizen. You know, the qualities a scout displays. And let that permeate his little grey cells.
Sit back and reiterate the reason for the season. Let SS know that Christmas is not a competition. And what possessed you to get the kid a 70inch TV? Why?
Stick to your guns and DO NOT
Stick to your guns and DO NOT buy anything for that spoiled, self entitled brat again. Let your H make all the purchases and remove yourself from all of it. He does not deserve any of it. Has he ever thanked you??? Does your BF address his son about his disrespecteful behavior? If he doesn't you have another issue on your hands.
No worries here. I am DONE.
No worries here. I am DONE. Seriously DONE! This kid has had a good run for about two years. Now, he is going to miss what he once had. It will be a rude awakening but maybe he will learn a lesson from it. Too bad -so sad. Hopefully he will realize all I did for him and all of that is now lost. I don't even want to be around this kid anymore (and that's not like me) Something happened that day and I can't explain it but I am DONE with him. I am so done with SS that my relationship may be over because I can't stand to be in the same room as SS.