*blum3*   Bravo!! Nope, he needed a dose of reality, and frankly this should have been done sooner. It's one thing to not trash the other parent, but it's another thing to let the kid think something that is completely false, and skews his entire view of his life. The entitlement speech was long overdue. I hope it sinks in. It will be interesting to see how he behaves after this.

Usually I black out somewhere in the middle of my tirades and can't even remember half of what I said later, but you did great! Good for you!

You are my new Girl Crush!!!

No, you didn't go to far; SS is the one who did that with his thoughtless, selfish, self absorbed attitude and comments.

Ideally his dad should have been the one to deliver the chewing out, but if he were able to do that you probably would never have found it necessary to seek out this site in the first place.

I bet you look hot in those bi!ch boots, honey.

(Psssst ....it's pedophile)

Teenagers are horrible. I think you went a bit too far, but I like the idea of having him call his adoptive mother and make plans to move down there. See how far that gets him.  What did DH say?

I've said before that unchecked wrong-headedness and unchallenged misconceptions are a big factor in skids becoming maladjusted adults.

my DH's eldest is highly narcissistic and has some screwy ideas about life, fathers, her place in the world, etc. Everyone walked on eggshells around her, and no one ever challenged her skewed, self absorbed thinking. Now she's approaching 40, a MOTY with kids nearly grown, filled with anger and can't get along with people. Things might have been different if the adults around her had bared her a$$, corrected her flawed assumptions, and given her clarity.

You did that boy a huge favor. Now, Your H needs to follow up with him and HAVE YOUR BACK.

I on occassion ripped my skids a new one for treating their dad like crap. It made a difference for awhile then they slipped back into the same old attitudes.   I am in awe of what you did and not surprised one bit by your man sitting there with his mouth hung open.  Why oh why don't these men know how to do this for themselves????  

Its not like the SS was too young for this lecture.  He had it coming and I can't wait to read your update in a week on him.  

Way to go!!   Stepmoms rule, dads drool! .  *ROFL*

In all honesty, I do think you went too far.  Not in calling him out for treating his dad disrespectfully (that was a good thing!), but for telling him all of those truths that were not yours to tell.  It was up to his "dad" to tell him that, and he had chosen not to.  That said, I'm really glad that your SO was pleased that you told him.  It was definitely something that IMO should have already been told to the boy.   It could easily have gone the other way, with dad being angry with you for spilling the beans, but it didn't, and I'm really happy for you that it turned out the way it did.

I hope things improve with the boy now that he knows the truth.  

Did he know this stuff before? Or did you break this to him for the first time? If you wanted to remind the kid you think he's worthless you've done a good job. 

instead of disengaging, you have to eventually have biodad's support. 

There is the paralyzed parent where discipline never occured to him or he "doesn't want to be like his parents."  And then there's guilty/disney dad who sees nothing wrong with the insolence, thinks he's a GREAT dad by cowtowing to the child and has already set the stage for disengagement by announcing (often in front of said ferals) that SM is NOT a parental figure and that its "none of her business"  Even though their behaviour and dad's passiveness DIRECTLY impacts her life

Stepping in is often the crucible for determining if one needs to disengage.  Keep your eyes opened for The Biodad Backslide (TM) over the next few days and weeks indicated by BD trying to reduce the sting of your lecture by buying SS tokens of affection, giving you the cold shoulder, etc.

KUDOS OP!

I didn't read all the comments but I was adopted by my stepdad. Showing my ass as a teenager is something I did on the regular. Looking back- that was when my dad loved me harder. I was so sheltered from the truth of my bio. My parents were told to never tell me about it becasue then I would view myself as 1/2 bad/evil/ horrible. 

I WISH MY PARENTS DID THIS TO ME!! What you did was 100% what I wish they would have told me. I grew up thinking that this horrible, evil, awful, absusive person was really a great dad who loved me and was just "sick" and had always wanted me. So in my eyes my dad (stepdad) stole me from my bio! That was such BS in my own head, I was saved over and over and fought for and loved. I didn't find out until I was in my early 20's the truth. It was a lesson that I wish I never learned. 

Let your SS stew over what you told him. Also, now would be a good time to book a therapy appointment with someone who specailizes in adoption issues. Not being genetically linked to your family can mess with you head. My mother was also adopted when she was 16 months from an orphanage. So I have very little biological family outside of my mom and 1/2 sibilings and my own children. It is hard to know all of that and even at 60, my mom, who was raised by the best possible family- I mean my grandparents were to most wonderful people on earth- my mom still struggles wanting to know where she came from. I do too. 

Now what you did happened in a moment of anger but it sounds like it was pent up for quite some time, so eventually you had to explode and it sounds like you did in a very good way.  True , it is usually best for the Bio parent to reveal such truths that you did but it sounds like truths that should have come out along time ago and SO was hesitant to do so, sometimes we have to STEP up and take the swing for them is also true.

My GSD8 one weekend was being absolutely horrid and I did the same thing, I didn't go into every detail about her mother but I did inform her that she was living with us because her Mommy basically was a screw up and if she wanted to be mad at someone she needed to be mad at Mommy not us, as I recall she had bad mouthed my DW one to many times and that's when I stepped in, just like you.

So Bravo to you for stepping up for your SO, sometimes they need our defending even though they should have been able to do it on their own.

Yes, you went too far. Telling a kid something like this in anger, is not the right way to go about it, and it should have come from his dad. Or even the two of you together, but not like this.

I hope you get this kid into counseling, he needs it.

I understand your frustration and wanting to put it all out there. It's one thing to think about letting it all out and having your say, it's another thing to do it the way that you did. People can cheer you on all they want, but this was wrong and some of the things that you said to him were just wrong.

I did something similar with my SS when he was around 11. (As many of you know he is biologically my DH's nephew). My in laws sepped up for him, DH and me stepped up for him, he had a pretty good life considering niether of his parents wanted him. I'll set the stage: DH and I, young marrieds with a little baby, went to fetch SS and bring him to our house for a week of movies, Chinese food, and quality time. We would literally spend every penny of our meager extra cash on him. He started in with the "poor me" self pity talk, and spontanously I just turned to him in the backseat and said, "You know, a LOT of people have stepped up to give you a decent life, you could be in foster care right now being butt f***ked by some perv, but you have anything a kid your age could ask for. I love you, never doubt that. But a little gratitude would be nice. " He and DH were speechless, and I felt a little bad, but I at least never heard the poor wittle me talk again. Note: I know foster parents are generally wonderful people, thta's just what popped into my 24 year old brain at the time. 

On some level I'm pretty sure SS knows his mom abandoned him.  When a parent does that, the kid blames themself for being unlovable, not the parent for being unloving.  I think it contributes a lot to their angst. 

Even though my SD is a butthole, I would never go off on her like this, because she would be hurt and I would be truly guilty of abusive behavior.  Not only would it be inappropriate, I would never take the position of oppressor in her little drama triangle.  She and BM would go directly into victim mode, and turn DH into their rescuer.

This may come back and bite you in the ass.