It's been a while since I posted and things have been going fairly smoothly, but stupid annoying things have been popping up and I feel the need to vent a little, just to make myself feel better, if nothing else.
So, I was in the car with my two skids, who after a long weekend with me and the hubby had been acting better than usual. (they are horrendous brats right after spending any amount of time with their Egg Donor) We had been having a great weekend with no temper tantrums, rudeness or fighting and then out of the blue, my oldest skid informed me that his mom told him that I "hate him and want to hurt him." !!!!!!! He told me that his mom said that since i'm not his "real mom" he doesn't have to obey my rules and if i'm "mean" to him his mom will "do something" to me. This completely came out of the blue and as blogged before, I am always extremely careful to keep my unpleasant feelings about the skids completely to myself and have had comments from pretty much everyone about how awesome I am with the skids. I have been nothing but kind to them and they totally adore me. They both routinely come up and hug me and tell me how much they love me and my frustrations with them have been limited to venting here, to my husband, and family.

I was upset at first, not because I took it personally, but because it pisses me off beyond belief that the BM would tell her kids something like that in an effort to get to me. The eldest skid has an anxiety disorder that goes along with his other mental issues and things like this send him into an anxious spiral that is hard to break. My DH and I discussed it and we both agree that she is trying to start a conflict because things have been going smoothly. When we were first married there was a lot of "You're not my mom!" kind of stuff, which is totally normal and that had completely faded away and now the bitch has started it again for no reason.

I reassured him that what she said isn't true (although like all parents, step or bio, I sometimes hate the kids and want to run away screaming). He seemed reassured and went on to tell me about a game he got for his birthday, but I was so angry with the BM that I was shaking. How dare she scare her kids and try to create a rift in their lives just because she hates me. This woman is the most disgusting scum of the earth to me. The way I see it, if adults have a problem with each other, they work it out with each other, they DO NOT use innocent kids to get their nasty messages across.

So, I told him that it wasn't true and also asked him if he thought that was a very nice thing to say. He thought about it and said "no, I guess that was a pretty mean thing to say." I told him that saying that I hate someone and want to hurt them, hurts my feelings and that in our home, we try not to hurt each others feelings. He listened and agreed, so I think that went as well as it could have, but it completely disgusts me that she would do this.

The ironic thing is that if she keeps this kind of thing up, the kids are going to look back as adults and see that their mom had a history of saying nasty things about me and that I haven't said one nasty thing about her (to them, or in front of them) and draw their own conclusions. MY DH thinks she is digging a hole for herself and doesn't even realize it.

One other thing is the whole "real mom" thing. I haven't heard one comment about that from either of my skids EVER and so I know that's coming from her and the funny thing is that all that tells me is that she is insecure that the skids like me so much and feels intimidated and wants to make an issue of it with the skids because she's intimidated that I might steal her role. Ironically, neither the skids nor I have any illusions about who is the biomom and who is the stepmom. It's not like I might suddenly suffer from amnesia and think that I pushed two kids out my hoohah and not know it! I DONT WANT TO BE THEIR REAL MOM!!!! Heaven forbid! I have come to terms with having these fairly screwed up kids as my step-kids, but I would be massively embarrassed if I produced kids like them. I am fond of them in some ways and care about them, but no way in hell would I ever have kids that were so messed up, (mostly due to horrific parenting and very bad genetics on their bm's side).

My DH and I discussed it and he had a talk with my skid about not hurting people's feelings and not repeating mean things that he hears from his mom and hopefully that will help a little. We know that she is just trying to start up a conflict and wants more than anything to get some sort of a response from us and we are NOT giving her that satisfaction. She is Borderline and if things go smoothly for any length of time, she does something nasty to try to start a conflict and from now on we are just ignoring her completely.

Despite that, this is very annoying and the part that pisses me off the most is that she is willing to upset her son and try to create conflict between the skids and me, just for her own petty reasons. These BM's completely disgust me!

Anyone else experience anything like this? Any advice?

So anyway, that was the little episode that annoyed me this weekend