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BM's double standards again.......this time its the new Hubby

Anna21's picture

First of all, thank you to everyone for letting me VENT here. I am reading new posts with interest and while I wish we could all be the Brady Bunch, that is not my personal experience with step parenting. This site allows those of us who are excluded from Mike and Carol's family to vent which helps ease the pain and hurt associated with step parenting. And I do say HURT. Because for me, while I may be angry and upset and detached from the skids, underlying it is always hurt.

Ok, so for three year's BM has blasted us because we have tried to create a blended family, accusations and vile verbal crap about how I (as SM) have no right to have anyting to do with the skids, either with decision making, or physically etc. I wont give the entire details here Smile She finally remarried a few months ago and now its all about "their blended family" with the new hubby's bio kids. Sunday family meetings to make sure all is running smooth, the skids have to run things by new hubby as well as BM, ad nauseum. Skids are to call new hubby's kids "brother and sister" but skids told NEVER to call my bio kids brother and sister!!! So the new hubby is to be directly involved but me, as SM must not be. :jawdrop: Not that, at this point I have detached completely. Its just the Double Standards that get to me. How can BM not see her double standards?

ChiefGrownup's picture

Oh, yes. Step life is all about the double standards. Coming and going, up/down, sideways, all around. Double standards wherever you look.

BM's house is such a pile of trash and chaotic that I don't want to go over there and we have plenty of stories like SD knocking over cereal in her mom's kitchen cuz there's no where to be where your body isn't bumping into SOMETHING. But DH freaks out every Friday knowing that if he leaves a pile of Goodwill items he's had by the door ready to take to the donation place and hasn't gotten to it yet he will be ridiculed, scorned, and criticized all over the northern hemisphere for his "messy" house. I could go on and on. Yup. Double standards is the name of the game in step life. Vent away.

MidwestStepmom's picture

My Bm is like this as well. she brainwashed ss4 that I was just dads girlfriend but her new boyfriend was daddy. There are going to be a lot of double standards, I've been through this for 9 years with a crazy BM. I don't think it gets better.

Evil stepmonster's picture

When Inbred got with her bf she wanted the kids to call him dad. Well DH flew threw the roof when he heard that. Oh there was definite argueing there. What she said was this...
"I carried them, I gave birth to them, I'm the one stuck with them all the time since we're not together anymore, I have a bigger say in what happens to them. I have more rights to them then you do.

Sadly I feel like alot of mothers have this opinion. It is true most mothers do most of the work when it comes to children but I've never thought that gave me more rights to what happens with them then their father. More so I think it's all the entitled brat children growing up to become entitled bitch mothers.

MidwestStepmom's picture

I agree. When dh and I are arguing I start saying "my child". I have to remind myself that BS has two parents and we both created him. Maybe it's wired in our heads to think this way? Who knows.

a_nessy_life's picture

My standards are that when the kids and skids are good, they are "ours".

When they are a pain, they are "his"

Even if the one in trouble isn't his at all.

Evil stepmonster's picture

lol I do this to, when it's something good I tell their father look what my son did, when it's something bad I'll call him and say guess what your son just did.

thinkthrice's picture

The Girhippo wrote me a handwritten diatribe back in the early years about how I was (and I quote) "not fit to glance upon her babies." So she withheld visitation from Chef for four months after the break up.

Then a few months later, she was internet dating and letting any flav of the week BABYSIT her TODDLER!!

a_nessy_life's picture

My DD calls them Dependapotomuses....

Hey, aren't those little darlings still too good for your mortal eyes to glance upon them??? Why yes, Chef, I'm not worthy, please keep those innocents FAR away

Anna21's picture

Amazing, so you were not fit to glance upon her babies eh?? Wonder did she put someting on her dating profile to even allow the new flavor of the month glance at the babies. Probably not, as long as he was a warm body.

thinkthrice's picture

Yep. To this day, the Girhippo (BM) is ALWAYS trying to pawn her kids off on someone else. . . HER mother, Chef's estranged brother (he took the Gir's side in the divorce), her very own father who HER BM PASed her out against. . .

The skids have DURING THE SCHOOL WEEK SLEEPOVERS at their "friend's" houses. I told Chef the other day he should pay CS to all the many people who actually house his kids and not the Girhippo!

Guess it runs DEEP in the clan. PAS out crotch droppings so that daddykins loses all parental authority, then have daddykins come BEGGING back as child-chaser-for-the-BM's-convenience, insta-babysitter.

kathc's picture

Oh, she sees it alright. But it's in her favor so why would she have a problem with that? Wait til she insists the skids call her new husband "dad".

Anna21's picture

You are right of course she sees it! Duh to me, of course she sees it and still does it deliberately. God yes, her insisting on skids calling new hubby "Dad" is soon to come. She has already sent nasty texts to FDH saying how her new hubby is "a real man and will nurture the skids" because FDH is worthless. hubby "nurtered" SD16 last week by slamming her up against the wall :? He is a body builder probably with Roid Rage. FDH contacted BM and told her if this happens again, he is calling the child protection people.