I am completely fed up with the situation with my SS6. As he gets older, I (and tons of other people) have noticed that he is turning out to be one creepy little kid. I'm very concerned because he is showing symptoms of being a sociopath. His behavior over the past few months has escalated to the point that everyone is noticing. I don't know what the deal is because SS12 is doing great. He is turning out to be an awesome kid. He has his obnoxious qualities, but he is a decent kid, cares about other people and clearly shows empathy and kindness to everyone, and is especially sweet with small kids and animals. The result is that all my friends and family really like him and make an effort to spend time with him. We all get a kick out of the funny stuff he says and his autistic behavior doesn't bother me or anyone because he is obviously trying so hard to work on it and he is a good kid, in general.
SS6 on the other hand has been a total nightmare recently. He is manipulative, clingy and possessive with DH and DH doesn't seem to be able to face that his favorite kid has A LOT of psychological and behavioral problems and needs professional help and intervention. I have had so many friends tell me that he makes their skin crawl, he gives them the creeps and they all think he is a serial killer in embryo. I don't know about that and I certainly hope and pray that it doesn't get that bad, but to be honest, I'm not really going to feel safe and comfortable having him in my house when he's older. I have had more than five friends tell me separately that they think I should get a deadbolt on my bedroom door because they wouldn't feel safe sleeping in a house with a kid like that. It's really upsetting, depressing and has been causing me a lot of anxiety.
I think that he is a little creep, with no conscious, and no empathy for others and I have always thought that, but it is getting progressively worse.
One thing that I was thinking might be having a negative effect on him is that...wait for it...BM got married!!! It's a total joke among DH, my family and friends, because she is so desperate that she would probably marry a casserole if it would have her. According to SS12, she met him on the internet and after two weeks of internet dating, they got married! To make it worse (yet funnier) the guy is from a very third world country, barely speaks English and seems like a total weirdo. He is physically really, really ugly (not surprising) and so far has done the opposite of bond with the skids. This guy obviously has some strange agenda (I suspect a green card/visa is at the heart of his motivation to marry her) and this is the kind of foreign guy that hits on every woman that moves and is obviously pleased to marry a white, american woman because I think that no matter how ugly and dysfunctional as a person and mother she is, dating/marrying a white american woman will increase his social status in his home country. I am not a bigot or prejudiced against any ethnic background, but, whether it's right or wrong (and I won't go into what I think about that right now) the truth is that our society functions a certain way and a lot of stereotypes with certain ethnic groups are very true to the stereotypes (at least what I have experienced in my life) and it's well known and accepted in my area that a woman does not marry a man from a completely different culture, who does not speak fluent English and is repugnant and unattractive that she has known for two weeks on the internet unless she is totally desperate and can't manage a functional relationship with someone from her own culture, who speaks her language.
Don't get me wrong, I am all about inter-ethnic relationships and don't have a problem with that at all, but I am very aware of the social dynamics between non-citizens from third world countries and the women and men on the dating scene in our area. Basically, there is no normal guy who would tough BM with a ten foot pole and after she proposed desperately to a series of three "boyfriends" of approximately two weeks, she finally found a guy that accepted her desperate proposal and the only way it makes sense to me is that she is completely desperate to be married and the only person she could rope into it, doesn't even know her, has no idea what he is getting into with the skids and doesn't speak her language. DH pointed out that if she dated someone who was super great with communication it would fall apart because she blows at communicating and is extremely shallow with no depth. No decent guy would have anything to do with her, but I think she finally found a warm body that agreed to marry her for all the wrong reasons. The funny thing is that BM is more miserable than I've ever seen her. She looks like a complete wreck and is acting like she is depressed/frantically unhappy. She tried to get a reaction out of us by trying to shove it in our faces and she seems extremely let down and depressed because we had no reaction.
Anyway, I could go on and on, but I have been wondering if BMs personal life is causing or contributing to SS6's worsening behavior. It's got to be hard to have some weird random guy that you don't know suddenly become your step-father and the skids hate him to boot. BM has been neglecting the skids even more because she has been focusing on clinging to her man (ugly little leprechaun that he is) and obviously cares more about not getting dumped yet again than spending time, energy and money on her own kids. I'm sure the stress of that can't be helping SS6, but regardless of the stress he is under, he still ticks all the boxes for childhood sociopathic personality disorder and SS12 is under the same stress, but is still the same kid.

So, I am frustrated and unhappy with SS6 and I don't know how to handle it the best way (other than counseling, but we already have that going for him-school mandated, they said he would be expelled if he didn't see a counselor once a week.

Anyone else struggle with a scary, disturbing SS/SD? I am getting so upset about him that I don't want him to touch me, talk to me or be around me at all. Unfortunately, I am one of the only people he is physically affectionate with, but it makes my skin crawl when he touches me and his recent horrific behavior has turned my frustration into strong dislike. I don't show any of these feelings to him because I don't want to emotionally harm a six year old! At the same time, it is a daily struggle and drains me to force myself to treat SS6 with love and kindness. His only shot at not ending up in Juvy and Jail later is having strong, positive adults that model empathy and kindness and demand polite and kind behavior.

I'm so worn out and it's really hard to say this about such a young kid, but it's really how I feel and it's a very real problem. I just don't know what to do?!