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Being proven right can be bittersweet

StepMadre's picture

Okay, so as much as I love and care about my skids, I, more than anyone in their lives, see their problems and challenges more clearly than H and BM, because I have an outsiders perspective, but at the same time, I am not an outsider because they are my kids too and I am highly involved and intertwined with their lives.

I have been concerned for some time now that SS6 seems to have so much trouble expressing himself verbally and that both skids have to hear things three or four times in order to understand what an adult is saying. It's completely frustrating and often very depressing. Due to extensive tutoring at home (as well as school) with SS12 has paid off immensely and he went from being a fifth grader who could barely read and who was flunking out of spelling and reading to being in the middle of the 90th percentile.

Because, SS12's autism is so obvious that he gets a lot of attention and sees a counselor weekly and has improved dramatically over the past couple of years.

SS6 on the other hand, appears to be normal and because he doesn't have autism, he kind of naturally loses out on some of the attention that he needs for positive reinforcement and encouragement academically.. I have been worried because, more so than his brother, SS6 seems to have pretty severe learning problems. His social skills are better than SS6, but he does have friends at school and is doing okay socially. It's the academic side where he is struggling. I've known for years that there is something wrong with SS6, but I couldn't figure it out. His inability to read, write, comprehend instructions and complete lack of creativity are shocking. I told my mom (a counselor) about my worries and asked her if she thought I should say something and she told me I should wait and that if there really is a serious problem the school will call us.

Dun, duh, duh, dun! So, this week, sure enough, we got a call from his school and they said he tested at a pre-school level!!!! (he is in kindergarten!). He is the only kid in the class that is that far behind and frankly I expected something like that. I felt vindicated, but even H had his bio-parent goggles on and said that he doesn't think it's a big deal and that he'll grow out of it! I disagree! I think now is the time to strike while the iron is hot and start couching and studying with him to help get his grades up. I spent two years tutoring first graders to read (and have fun wile doing it!) so I have some experience with this. H and I are going to talk about a game plan, but I have this feeling that I am going to be the one who does all this, not that I mind.

On a mega-bitchy note: I found it hilarious and very satisfying to hear BM talk to H about it and she went on and on in a whiny, angry, self-pitying way about how smart SS6 is and how they must have messed up the test! She literally can't or refuses to acknowledge that not only are her kids NOT genius, but that they are far below their peers in almost every way. They give her her only source of (shaky) self esteem, so when one of her kids messes up, she acts like her world is shattered and also refuses to take any responsibility. I feel like shaking her and screaming, "Bitch! YOU are the reason that both of your kids turned the way they did. Stop sniveling and feeling sorry for yourself, get off your fat ass and start investing some time, help and caring into your kids school lives!

Comments

notthebradybunch6's picture

BRAVO to you! Stick to your guns those boys will be better off for having you in their lives.

Couldawouldashoulda's picture

So cool that you called it. Even better that you actually have the experience to do something about it. Sure hope they listen to ya!