Pushing Bonding with SS
I am soooooo sick of hearing DH b!tch and go on about me and SS6 "Not getting along" so we are at a breaking point with myself and DH fussing so he throws in there that if I "got along" and loved his SS the same way I loved him it would fix our personal fussing and arguing???... I stopped looking at this kid cause all he does to me is give me the go to hell look.. we've been married goin on a yr now and it all keeps getting worse... I can tell him to clean up his mess or pick something up he left laying and he gives me the look and walks off... I told DH, he yells at SS6, SS crys, DH hushs and thats the end of it... problem NOT SOLVED.. I can tell him simply to stop doing something, he goes in his room, crys like he's being killed and tells DH that I have just absolutly jumped all over him like I've cussed him out... if we are working in the yard and its something a 6yr old cant help with he starts crying and when DH asks what in the world is wrong... "She said I couldnt help!!!!!".. wtf!! I didnt even look at him and with DH standing right there if I had dont you think he would have heard me.. DUH!! if your gonna lie on me at least make it believable!!
"loved his SS the same way I
"loved his SS the same way I loved him" Not going to happen.
I really don't understand men
I really don't understand men that think a woman can just fall in love with their children immediately,if at all. From everything I read on stepparenting when I first my my xh, it usually takes at least 7 years for the family to blend. Maybe when men are going through the divorce there should be a mandatory class on what to expect of other people when it comes to their offspring.
I think they most certainly
I think they most certainly can. My xh's daughter was 6 when she started making up stories about my x hitting her because when she went home to her mother and said she had a good time, her crazy mother had a meltdown. So, she learned at an early age that if she said bad things about daddy's house, it made her mother happy.
My 4 year old grandson even has a nasty look he gives his parents whenever he doesn't get his way. LOL.
I think though that some of what you're saying is probably right on. Kids can sense when someone doesn't like them and this kid is still probably reeling from the breakup of his family. It doesn't sound as if it has been very long.
Everyone just needs to give themselves some time to learn about each other.
Oh yes he has a "go to hell
Oh yes he has a "go to hell look" he gives it to me, my mom, DH and anyone who decides he wants to give it to.. DH has even called it out before.. he's yelled and fussed and talked but SS still gives it.. god forbid he actually try a real form of discipline!.. All DH knows how to do is fuss at him over anything thats done.. he says he's(SS)been thru so much and thats why he acts the way he does and he hates to punish him.... WHATEVER!!!! He has tried to point out I am a person of authority.... DOESNT work, plus in the end I really have no authority cause if it was left up to me the child would have some ass whoopin's.. I got them when I was little so any child now days is no better! It's not child abuse if its kept under control!.. They have been divorced since SS was 3 so its been goin on 4yrs since the divorce so its not a new thing.. he just knows he can get his way, lies and all!
Story of my life. SS will
Story of my life. SS will tell lies about me right when I am standing there looking at him. I cant imagine being so bold. Its not even that my dh believes him for the most part, but dh does look at me then to "explain". I hate having to explain that ss is lying and making everything up as i think it makes me look like I am being mean and negative when I am only stating a fact and defending myself. There is no nice, positve way to call someone a liar.
My dh and I have come along way in regard to getting along re: ss issues-but we just talked earlier and he said 'i wish you guys were at least civil so that he could come back here and live". I had to remind him that I am always civil to his son. He agreed immediately and said that he knew it wasnt my fault, but then why do statements like that come out in the first place?
I dont know what the answer is-as I've said we've come along way but still have issues. I do feel like it is a victory as I finally convinced my dh that he was going to lose his marriage and other children as well as ruin his son with his guilty parenting, lack of consequencse with ss.
I saw a baby one time give
I saw a baby one time give the most hateful look when you took her bottle out of her mouth. It was so funny but yeah it was most defiantly there.
I wonder if he figured out how to make sure he gets his way b/c dads that don't make their kids mind that happens. I know from experience that my skids figured it out too until dh started making them mind. It did not happen over night but once dh realized that my not being a dad all the time which included the bad too things started to slowly get better for all of us.
What I did was disengaged and made dh take care of his kids. I did nothing for them ever, even while dh was at work. I made breakfast and lunch and put it on the table it was up to them to eat other than that I said nothing and did nothing. Then when they told their dad they did eat I said I made food and out it on the table told them to eat but they choose not to eat. Anything else I said I wasn't doing til i got his support and could make them mind while he was not home and he backed me up. After a couple of weeks (summer visits) he got the pic.
It was quite funny seeing as soon as dh walked in the door to all 3 boys still in underwear and screaming they were hungry and the look on dh's face. Then of course no clean clothes and their rooms a mess. Yep once he had to take care of them himself he got it.
I hope it helps.