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Gift from dead relative....

steplife's picture

My SD7 came home and said she got to open a few gifts from her BMs family. She wasn't in her normal happy mood when she comes here. They told her one of the gifts was from her dead uncle (teen suicide) who died earlier this year. Is this extremely weird to others like it is to DH and I ?

Why would they do this to her? I understand maybe making a special ornament or some kind of remembrance trinket for him...but this seems so unhealthy/unrealistic, especially for a young child trying to understand death.

I had several relatives pass away as a child. Kids move on easier if they don't have to re-live it. I'm sure the adults in my family were sad around the holidays, but they didn't show it every chance they had to us kids because they wanted our childhood memories to be happy not filled with sadness. This isn't the first time they have "forced her to remember" in some way. BMs family seems crazy.


steplife's picture

I doubt a teenage boy would have been shopping several months ahead of time for gifts. I'm sure the family just put his name on it.

HungryEyes's picture

Oh man. Oh man that's terrible. The family is probably really grieving and perhaps this is their way but they need to seek therapy. You can't explain that to a child.

momandmore's picture

yeah that's not healthy at all. I do agree that maybe an ornament or something like you stated but a gift from the deceased relative is a bit much.

BM2's family was like this. They celebrated DH and BM's deceased son's birthday and day of death with a full on party with cake and ice cream. It was sick. The child was 3mos old when passed and BM didn't even want him, she was trying to give him away behind DH's back.

That's just not right at all and can cause more damage.

steplife's picture

I think the sickest part of your story is trying to get rid of baby behind his back. But the birthday thing seems ok because it is "his" birthday... not a communal holiday. I have a friend who celebrates her deceased baby's birthday by getting a small cake, but she would never gift something to her other kids from their dead brother on holidays.

momandmore's picture

Yes I agree. The birthday thing was just a another reason for BM to have a pity party for herself. The baby was always at inlaws house and they even had a name picked out for him for when it was "official". BM was too stupid to know that DH had a say as well. DH had to go there to visit the baby and every time he brought baby home, BM would throw a fit and leave.

I also have a sister who had a baby that had a heart condition and didn't survive. She was born on Christmas eve. My sister does this as well, but it has cause her oldest to have issues, at 5yo she had to start seeing a counselor over her deceased baby sister B/C my sister is always talking about the baby and buying her things. I don't blame my sister, It is her way of coping. But very damaging to her other child.

zerostepdrama's picture

What? I am confused....

BM and DH had a baby who passed away at 3 months old. Prior to that, the baby was always at BM's parents house? And BM would get mad when DH would bring the baby home? Why the fuck would DH deal with that? Maybe BM had PPD????

mommy0104's picture

It's probably not as weird if it was a gift he picked out before he died...but if not, yeah, that's kinda creepy and not healthy for a small child.

momandmore's picture

I think that even if he picked it out for the child before he passed, They could have saved it for the child for when she got older and understood death a little better?

Evil stepmonster's picture

I don't think they meant it to be so bad, but yeah I think they kinda ruined her Christmas. I'm so sorry for your SD

HolyShootskey's picture

What the hell is wrong with people. Who does that??? Oh yeah, trash pot drama hounds, that's who. I have come to the conclusion that the world is full of sickos that actually enjoy being sad and being a victim. Martyr complex.

simifan's picture

Hmmm... i just did this myself. My FIL passed close to Xmas last year n it's a bit difficult for DH. FIL always received the same gift (specific calendar) every year and DH was bemoaning not having to buy it this year. So I purchased it and placed it under the tree from his dad. DS was so excited I did the same for him. I figured it was a new twist to carry on the tradition.