Does anyone else dread the "Weekend Visit" !
Oh my, I have come to dread the Weekend Visit as much as a root canal! It's odd because we actually only get one more,4yr old ss, but the volume goes thru the roof! So now we have ss9,ss7 and ss4 along with my 9 year old bio son. Sometimes I feel like his kids are trying to wipe each other off the planet. It would be funny if it weren't so darn stressful. I hate to admit it but I hide now....yup I go to my room, I can spend hours rearranging and cleaning it:) We had a huge blow up tonight about it, he wants me in the room with him so we can "be together" if I am in the same room with all the kids at least 2 are in my lap and all over me. I am glad they like me but it wears me out. This weekend was the first I really stayed away beacuse I have 8 stitches in my back and one in my thigh and I knew they would be all over me...somehow I still managed to rip the one out of my thigh, probably the 4 year old using me as a human gym.
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He has agreed to get help for 7 year old son
My 7 yr old ss has a few behavioral problems that wreak havoc on the entire family. He can turn any outing into a disaster. He has tantrums that seem more like attacks or fits. He lies constantly, he thinks there are monsters every where and has to sleep with the tv on in his room, he will stay in the shower until you make him get out and he usually just soaps his penis and then likes to call me in and show me his erection, I have told him I do not care to see it and that it is a private thing but to no avail, he repeats sounds or phrases over and over ( I have seen him do it for up to 25 minutes), he picks fights with the older boys until they get so mad one of them smacks him and then he cries to his Dad, actually it is all out yelling/demanding that his Dad "go kill someone right now!", he will ask me whats for dinner and then turn around 3 minutes later and ask me again, I have tried showing him the box or whats on the stove thinking maybe that will help him remember, it doesn't. I can ask him something as simple as " do you want to pack lunch tomorrow or do you want -and I tell him what's on the school menu- and he will grab his head, start screaming that he can't decide, that "his head hurts, why does he have to do everything",and then go into "what if I don't like it" and usually ends with him just storming off and me standing there thinking I'm watching the Exorcist! Today the kids decided to build something outside, I looked out and noticed they had a sharp steak knife, I saw my bio son put it down and in the 2 minutes it took me to get outside the knife was gone. I asked where it was and I see the 7yr old standing about 6 feet away with "that" look on his face and his hands behind his back so I tell him to give me the knife, he always gets this big "dumb dog" look on his face and he talks in a baby voice, he says "me sorry" and walks at me with it pointed straight out in front of him at me, I asked him to please point it at the ground and he did. When I asked my Husband what he thought his son was going to do with the knife he said "probably go after one of the cats"......I told him it wasn't funny and that if his son ever killed one of the animals my son and I would be out the door. We had quite the discussion tonight and I told him I cannot bond with that child, he knows I have with his other two and I told him that the house would be alot quieter and calmer if we could get him some help. He had agreed to call the boys Doctor a few weeks ago and then never did. I just told him flat out that if he wanted me to try then he was going to have to try also, he says he will do it this week and I sure hope he does this time. My ss bio mom had also said something about him needing help, now that she doesnt see him too often she can finally see that something is wrong. here's praying we can find some help for our family.
My bio son wants to go live with his Dad :(
Do to all the noise and drama my son has decided he wants to go live with his Dad. It is so bad that he doesn't even want to go bowling or other fun things with "The Family" because he knows that the 7 yr old will ruin it. I am hoping when we get the 7yr old in therapy and maybe meds my son will want to stay.....I feel like I am losing on all accounts.
dreaded visit?
Although my SS is a very well-behaved 15 year old, I dread parts of the visit. I do my best, but I am tired as I have already raised three kids----so a resounding YES.
Weekends only...
You're lucky you only have them for the weekends. My skids lived with us full time. Three boys, all teenagers. I only wish I could have had them just on the weekends. Sometimes my only respite was the bathroom.
Seriously, I understand where you're coming from. Especially with the 7yr old. And maybe it's harder when you only get them on the weekends because you never really feel like you can get into the groove of daily routines and daily living.
Glad to hear that counseling is in the plans for the 7yr old. It sounds like the best option for him. Clearly he has behavioral issues. Trust your instincts. Keep it on your hubby's radar, so he doesn't let it go because "Denial is more than just a river in Egypt".
As to your son wanting to move in with his dad. If dad is a good influence, then why not? My hubby raised all his boys full time and so I'm probably biased in this opinion, but if your son's dad is a quality dad, then what would it hurt? If he's not, then that's another issue.
Keep us posted about your progress...or just keep venting because we're here to listen...and give unsolicited advise (tee-hee).
considering letting him go...
My ex will not talk to me, he is very bitter about me leaving him...but I have been trying to work out a 2 week long visitation for our son to stay with him. That will be the longest he stayed there since we split and never during school. When we were together he maybe once in 4 years got our son ready for school for me. He ...hmmm..... I don't want to say bad things ..let's just say we are VERY different on how we raise kids. I don't think it's my place to say that one of ours is more right than the other although he loves to bad mouth me. My son asks me why I don't say mean things back to him and I tell him the best revenge is "to be a better person than whoever is harrassing you". My ex would need his parents to get our son up and to school and picked up from school and to watch him until he gets home but my son seems to want to try it so I told my ex and he says he is trying to pull it together so he can do it. That was a week ago, he picks up bs tonight for visitation and I am going to tell him I need to know by this weekend if he is going to be able to or not. The plan is for bs to go from Oct 19 until Nov 2nd. I think if he has had 2 weeks to "get it together" and he still isnt sure then that would be a clear 'he can't take care of our son' to me. after they have had 2 weeks and they both see the reality of how it is going to be we will go from there, if they both still want to try bs living there then we will discuss it then.
Dread the visits?
God I wish! SS lives with us and BM is now in a woman's shelter with her other 3 kids (all different dads) so she never takes SS. We've had SS for the last year and in that time DH and I have only been able to go out about 4 times, and even than it's only for a few short hours at most.
I'd be estatic if all I had to deal with was the drama of SS and BM every other weekend.
I dread everyday.....
Dh's son lives with us FT. I live for the weekends that he goes to his mother's or his GP's house. He (proudly) told my DH at the end of this summer that he wanted to go live with BM but DH wouldn't allow it, so he's still here making everyone miserable with his laziness, irresponsibility, lying, and manipulating. I hide in my own bedroom everyday but it's gotten to the point that even my room isn't safe anymore....DH's son follows him in there because he's so dependent on DH for everything. Like missangie, I'd be over the top with joy if I only had to deal with DH's son EOW.
I actually look forward to the weekend visit!
SS lives with us also, just like tookie2, but goes over to BM's EOW, this weekend was her weekend, and let me tell you this weekend was pure joy! DH, I and our son, spent some good quality time together and had a nice relaxing weekend, but SS comes back from his weekend visit today, so I am sure it will be pure hell at our house.
I am sorry for your pain Stephtrey, take care of yourself, it is very hard to be good to anyone else if you do not take care of yourself first, make sure your stitches heal, Heres hoping for a speedy recovery!
for Stephtrey, can't log on Dawn sorry
Stephtrey, please search high functioning autism on google and I think they have a series of check boxes, the statement about my head hurts, was the same as my sons when giving to much information to them at once. I really had to say one sentence and leave it at that.
He could not follow 2 or 3 directions without blowing up, he is 17 now and getting much better, now we can talk and he told me it jumbled up in his head and he felt angry that he could not understand what I was saying to him. I thought I had the kid from hell, as my other two were normal. When diagnosed, I understood to be gentle but firm and tell him one thing at a time. I hope you find some answers from the doctors.
THANK YOU...
I will look that up, the frustrating part is not knowing whats wrong and how to make it better.Thanks again.
Shopaholic & Stephtrey
I'm glad you, DH, and son had quiet peaceful time together sans SS. I already am looking forward to next weekend when DH's son goes to his mother's for a long weekend.
Stephtrey, high functioning autism is AKA Asperger's, not always but sometimes. I teach and have had students with it but what you describe does not sound similar. What you have described sounds more like emotionally disturbed which falls under a mental health disability. I'd have the birth parents consult the child's physician immediately as well as school guidance counselor to make sure he receieves the proper medical attention. I'd think twice about allowing him to return for visitation until he's been under medical care especially since he's driving your own son to leave your home. He needs medical care! Yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!
Dreaded weekend visitation
Ove the weekend visitations are the ONLY time my STBH and I fight. It always comes down to one of two issues, either the horrific behavior of the birth bitch during the exchange, or the level of control I have over the time spent during the visitations. I've tried to put my foot down and insist that there be a regular bedtime, that daughter stays in HER bed, but it just never seems to work that way. Firthermore, not a STITCH of housework gets done while visitations are going on, as they are too precious. Lately I have dreaded them more because STBH is working out of town all week long and is ONLY home on weekends - two of which are rendered to the child leaving me with two four days a month to see my stbh - and those days are spent doing much needed errands like post-office, laundary, banking, etc.
Yes, lately I dread them entirely - however it never has anything to do with SD's behavior.
I love the weekend visitations... when we get to have them.
I love having my skids in the house. They are all good kids and when we get the three skids together with our two kids, we really feel like our family is complete. I miss them a lot when they aren't with us, especially if it's been a long time since the last visit. Since we moved away, we don't get to see them EOW anymore and it's been really hard. I never dreaded their visits at all. Yeah, it's more work for me, the noise level increases, more sacrifices have to be made, etc., but it's totally worth it. Just seeing my husband get to enjoy having ALL of his children together gives me a warm fuzzy feeling. Watching my two play with their half-sibs, bonding with them and forming the brother/sister relationship, makes me feel good, too. The skids do get on my nerves sometimes, just like my own kids do, but I never dread spending time with them. I dread putting up with some of the crap we have to put up with from their mother, but that doesn't have anything to do with them. They are good kids and, like everyone, they do have their annoying habits, but I guess I feel like my life is enriched by having them in it. There is definitely a void when they are not around, especially on special occasions.
~ Anne ~
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I love it when the kids are there.
Yeah, it gets LOUD... the tile and wood floors downstairs don't help that matter AT ALL. And sometimes the phrase "stop throwing things down the stairs" will come out of my mouth about 100 times in one afternoon. But I LOVE every second of it. I miss them when they are gone. All of them my kids and his. I love sitting down to dinner with them, even if they are farting and picking their noses. I love hearing them argue (you know what I mean) I LOVE it. When they are gone... like last night I told DH, I wish the kids were home, I need someone to play with. Don't get me wrong DH and I enjoy our adult time and we do have it MADE having the kids at the other parents on the SAME DAYS. But it does get quiet and lonely when they are gone sometimes. I get anxious for Thursday. Then I miss themlike crazy Saturday night till they come home. They get home at BEDTIME on Sunday, but just the comfort of knowing they are sleeoing in their rooms right upstairs makes me feel better. I know I must be insane. Oh well. Our kids are my world.
Daddys Gurl
It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!
I'm with you ladies....
My little "princesses" are such a joy to me. I have two boys so I really enjoy all the girl things I get to do with them. I too love piling them all in the car and taking them on family outings. The shock on everyone's face when it looks like we're going on a field trip with five kids trailing behind us. On Sunday we dressed them all up in matching Colorado Rockies baseball shirts and took them out for pizza to watch the game. The lady beside us asked me, "How do you do it?" I told her that they are actually pretty good kids...They have never been the problem though, other than the usual kid stuff. It's their mother who causes any kind of disruption to my life.
GOOOOOO ROCKIES!
I'm with ya on that one! Maybe that is it too. The kids are REALLY very well behaved. They do normal kid things... but they are good kids and KNOW how to act in public. We usually take them somewhere on Saturday even if it is just to the park, or McDonalds. Always getting compliments on how well behaved they are. If they could see them at home they may disagree... but it is never to the point that I want to lock them all in the closet, like I do my SIL son... now HE has some issues! So, I suppose if any one of my 3 caused a disruption like is being discribed in the original post, I would not look forward to it eihter. But you know, even when SS hated me, and cried when I walked into the room... I still rathered them home then anywhere else.
Daddys Gurl
It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!