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My sister has chosen the Darkside

Sparklelady's picture

Despite all my best efforts, my sister has fallen in love with a man who has a daughter the same age as hers (5) and a BM who shows all the signs of being from hell. The BM has her hands in his wallet, has him on speed dial, interferes with their time together at every opportunity. The new future step daughter is already telling stories to pit them against one another.

I even tried to convince her to at least seek out this site and read as much as she can for tips and support. All my suggestions have fallen on deaf ears. She insists, they aren't like the rest of "us". They will get married and live happily ever after, they can overcome these challenges.

Sadly, she stated to me "I love this little girl as if she were my own. We are building our own new family."

My heart sank. Sigh. She'll find out. The hard way, apparently.

Comments

ChiefGrownup's picture

Sigh. I was your sister once. Do you know a saleslady in a department store (we were buying wedding items together) pulled me aside and begged me not to marry him? She told me having stepchildren would be hell. I told her I was very sure of the guy and we'd be just fine.

I do love him and would not be without him, however, I was guilty of the same naivete your sister is now displaying. Those pink sparkly clouds of romance are so blinding.

Sootica's picture

Oh dear!Well by the sounds of it she is not ready for this site or a big dose of reality as she is still viewing the whole situation through rose tinted spectacles.This too shall pass,when the honeymoon stage is over ,so to speak, at least she has you for support & for some much needed experienced guidance.Until she comes to the realisation herself that her SO needs to reclaim his balls off BM's keychain,that SO needs to pull mini wife into line when she tattles/ tries to insert herself between them inappropriately & that BM needs to be taught some hard and fast rules about boundaries then & only then has this relationship got a chance in hell of surviving.Until then she is opening herself up to a world of pain,I think Dante was talking about stepparenting when he described purgatory (that's after boundaries ect are in place prior to that you are firmly living in hell).

Disneyfan's picture

Maybe her opinion would be different if she didn't have a child of her own. It's possible she's looking looking a spouse to love her child as his own. She may want him to embrace her child as a memeber of his family. If she has any of those desires, then she may feel it's a double standard not to be the same toward his kid.

oneoffour's picture

Dangerous words... I love her like my own. We will make a new family.

Sorry Sparklelady's sister, the child already HAS a family. She has a mum and dad. Both are alive and involved in her life. You cannot demand a child becomes part of YOUR family because you say so. I found out the painful way I may never have the closeness with my s/sons that my kids have with DH. But it is what it is and you have to accept that. Why does your sister think she can make a new family this little girl may not want to be part of? And what about her daughter? Does SHE want a s/sister the same age? What if your niece doesn't like this little girl because she is mean to her mummy?

I see tears before bedtime.

Sparklelady's picture

Lol I was her, too... 7 years ago and didn't figure it out for 5 long years. But what can you do about little sisters, they never want to believe that their big sisters know better Smile

She is in for a tremendous amount of heartache. But at least I know she will have this forum when she finally sees what I've been talking about.

blayze's picture

Haha! That was me... poor ignorant thing.

I was all:
"WE have THREE kids. WE'RE going to be fine. We'll show'em how it's done. WE loved each other in the past and broke up over circumstance. This time WE'LL be smarter. OUR kids are so close in age. WE'LL be great parents to them. WE'LL show them a loving family. WE *only* have to deal with his crazy ex who happens to be a psychopath. It's US against the world but WE'RE going to make it!!!"

2.5 years later...

Hi, I'm Blayze. I'm 20 pounds heavier. I have arthritis and acne now. MY business isn't as successful as I thought it would be. I have ONE kid and THOSE kids are HIS KIDS and I don't want them in MY house. WE are in therapy, but both of us have one foot out the door. Love ain't enough by a long shot. HE better get his shit together. I am resentful about fixing his shit and I'm now addicted to StepTalk and I effing refuse to marry him and he knows not to ask! Blum 3