What is 50% medical decision making worth?
Does anyone have experience with the 50% legal medical decision making common in many of todays COs and what kind of power or control that actually gives someone?
I am asking because the BM seems to have some kind of munchausen's syndrome. She believes that SS4 is always seriously ill, and she regularly tries to use this to control DH.
DH and BM live 50 miles apart. They technically have 50/50 but the days are split funny so BM has SS all weekdays during the school year, making doctors appointments difficult or impossible for DH to attend/schedule/be involved in. She uses a pediatrician through an urgent care place.
Save for one time he threw up, and maybe some sniffles DH and I have never seen SS sick. He might sneeze once in a while, or occasionally clear his throat out in the morning but we have not seen anything indicating that he suffers from either allergies or asthma. We had him for 3 months straight in the summer and he ran a fever of 100 degrees for 2 days at one point. That was literally it.
BM on the other hand, has pulled him out of school (VPK, so not mandatory school) 15 days so far this year (since September) to bring him to the doctor for his recurrent severe illnesses always requiring antibiotics, his severe allergies, and to control his supposed chronic asthma? While according the CO DH provides health insurance, she has also added SS to her father's insurance and uses that one so we can't see exactly how much medical care this child is actually being subjected to when he is with her.
She has gotten SS a prescription for albuterol, and a nebulizer where he supposedly requires DAILY breathing treatments. Albuterol is a stimulant, and SS tends to come from BM's hyper and bouncing off the walls. He also constantly complains of a dry throat. (Another side effect of albuterol) In addition SS has a heart murmur, and my father, who is a doctor says that albuterol can in rare cases actually cause a heart attack, and should never be used by someone who doesn't actually really need to be using it. BM also has him on prescription allergy medications, and every few weekends she sends him over on course of antibiotics or another because he was so sick she was "forced" to keep him out of school all week.
Given that DH and I have never seen SS with symptoms of asthma or allergies, we have never administered any medications save for antibiotics as we don't want to breed antibiotic resistance bacteria incase SS really was sick. Ceasing the medication (which we do 3 days a week and for 3 months straight in the summer) has no ill effects, except SS stops bouncing off the walls, and stops being hoarse and complaining of a dry throat after a day.
DH has only been able to get in contact with BM's pediatrician by phone for about 3 minutes after calling for weeks, and she said that SS is too young to determine whether or not he has asthma, (although he may since BM's father has it) but albuterol can also be prescribed to help with symptoms of an upper respiratory infection. DH was unable to get further information or clarification on this before the doctor had to go.
SS4 has now gotten verbal enough to start asking for/demanding his medication because he is very sick boy and his mommy says he needs it. (He actually refused to go to bed one night until we gave him some cough syrup although he had no cough) So we told him that at daddy's house, he only gets medication when he's actually sick. BM then texted saying that SS told her that we said he doesn't need breathing treatments and he is refusing to cooperate, and says that unless we buy our own nebulizer for $300, fill our own prescription for his meds and send her proof of us administering all of the meds he needs she will no longer be sending him over as we are endangering his safety.
1) I believe medication must travel between households and she cannot demand proof, although there is no verbage about this in the CO. Am I correct?
2) Is there anything at all DH can do to stop BM from convincing SS that he's sick, keeping him out of school (not mandatory, only really daycare at this point) because he's supposedly sick, and constantly pumping him full of medication that he may not actually need?
I know for example if SS had cancer and DH refused to take him for chemo, that would be considered medically negligent. Is it medically negligent not to give him allergy meds? How about medication designed to save people from asthma attacks when he is asymptomatic of any asthma or upper respiratory difficulty?
In other words, can DH stop her from doing this, or can BM force him to do it as well?