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Some correspondence b/t BM and myself... For some background. There is not contact b/t us anymore...

overwhelmed_underappreciated's picture

BM
Hey (overwhelmed_underappreciated),
I'm sending an overview of their current medications so you and DH can better understand their purpose and reasoning for the girls to be on them.
SD3's had an asthma flair up so she requires Albuterol Sulfate in her nebulizer for the next few weeks. Slowly ween it off, giving her less and less dosages before you stop all together. It's a regulator asthma medication that can also be given if she has an asthma attack in your care.
She's also been given and inhalant steroid called Pulmicort, this also goes in her nebulizer. Pulmicort is to be given morning and night and she has to have a drink afterward or she could become sick from it.
**let me know if you've never used a nebulizer machine**
SD1 1/2 takes Atarax every night to help her sleep. I understand that she seems to have no problem sleeping while in your care however that's not the case in my care. Because of her erratic behavior her doctor thinks it's best if she stays on the anxiety medication for a while. Anxiety medications are not to be suddenly stopped. She takes 2.5 ml every night, i give it to her in her bottle.
About the bottle; Her doctor recommended that I slowly dilute her bottle with more and more water which i've been doing. As of now she takes only one scoop of formula and 8oz of water [a full bottle]. Please try not to give her more formula then that or milk in a bottle. She's grown very attached to it and uses the bottle as a source of comfort. I'm trying to eradicate this.
She has also recently been prescribed the antibiotic Amoxicillin. Continue giving this to her as prescribed so she gets the full regimen.
http://www.webmd.com/drugs/drug-5511-Atarax+Oral.aspx?drugid=5511&drugna...
http://www.webmd.com/drugs/drug-19937-Pulmicort+Inhl.aspx?drugid=19937&d...
^^Links about some of their medication in case you're interested^^

May 10
(overwhelmed_underappreciated)
Thank you. I will def discuss all this with DH and look over the info that you gave and will let you know if I have any questions. I have used a nebulizer machine before but I would like to go over it with you in person as Im sure its not the same model that I have encountered. Let me go over all of this and I will let you know any questions or concerns or whatever that I have.

May 23
(overwhelmed_underappreciated)
I was wondering what the reason was that SD1 1/2 was on the Atarax syrup... I noticed when I got it refilled that the bottle states that it is for allergies but I was unaware that she had allergies. (And if it is for allergies wouldn't children's benedryl work just as well w/o the potentially harmful side effects??) I also saw that the information that came with her medication states that it is to treat anxiety and to cause drowsiness. I did read the link that you sent me before and also did some independent research on the drug and I have to admit that both DH and I are a little concerned about having a 16 month old take medication that could potentially mess with her brain chemistry.
I was looking through the side effects that can be seen with this drug and noticed that shaking and trembling is among them. I have noticed small tremors in SD1 1/2 a few times over the past few days. How long has she been on this medication??
It just concerns me that she is so young and on such a serious drug....

May 23
(overwhelmed_underappreciated)
Oh yeah... and how long does SD3 need to take her nebulizer?? I know that you said to slowly wean her off of it but I wanted to make sure that she took it for the recommended amount of time. We are down to 1 treatment a day now instead of 2 but wanted to double check on that. Thanks!!!

May 23
BM
The bottle does read as needed for allergies; idk why their doctors wrote it out because it's in their notes to be used for sleep once per night. I can have those records faxed to you if necessary. And technically she doesn't have allergies. It's one of the primary uses for that medication because it helps to calm you. I assure you my concern is just as great but it's important to remember that her doctor feels the risks do not outweigh the benefits of her being on the medication. When she is here in MD, everyone sees that she is different than DH states she is in his and your care. She's impossible to deal with at night time and wakes every hour to 2 hours without it. It's not a long term medication however she can't just stop it either. Please continue with the prescribed dosage and soon enough her doctors and I will have her weaned off when she can handle nighttime without it. [it's not gonna be forever.]

I'll need you to describle the tremors in full detail. Tremors are something she was born with and if she's having 'actual' tremors it's because you've slowed her dosage, missed a dose, or have had her stop taking the medication. Once again please remember that she's on this medication because of her overall behavior in my care and it was her doctors decision to prescribe it. Many other outlets were taken before we came to this point.
SD3 is on and off the nebulizer as needed for weezing and excercise induced asthma. If she's been doing one treatment a day now AND she hasn't had any weezing [especially night time weezing] or coughing after excercise then she is ok to stop the nebulizer. Keep a close eye on her so you'll notice if she does start that again and give her an emergency albuterol treatment if she's weezing or coughing AFTER excercise or play and then make a follow up dr. appt. Any dr. appts made in North Carolina will have to have records faxed to her primary care physicians in Maryland.

May 24
(overwhelmed_underappreciated)
Thanks for responding. We have been very careful to make sure that SD1 1/2 does not miss a dose and she has been getting a full 1/2 tsp as it is prescribed. The tremors that I have noticed are like a trembling in her arms every so often. It seems to pop up when she is concentrating really hard on something and she is usually standing pretty darn still when I notice it. Also she is still waking up once a night. Is this something that you also deal with?? I don't mind as usually I just give her a couple of ounces (like 4 or 5) of water in her bottle and she quiets down and goes back to sleep pretty quick.
I have not noticed any wheezing in SD3 at all. She seems to be breathing fine. I have been watching for it tho.
The girls are doing really well. SD1 1/2 was really fussy yesterday but I think that was a combination of not getting a great nap and going to bed a little late the night before. She is fine today. Oh and SD3 seems to be under the impression that you live at Walmart lol. Everytime she and I go in there to grab something she tells me that this is where her mommy lives ha ha. I thought it was pretty darn funny and figured I would share Smile
I hope you and BM’s pregnancy are doing well. The girls send hugs and kisses and they love and miss you.

May 24
(overwhelmed_underappreciated)
Oh one last thing I almost forgot... How often does SD1 1/2 usually have a bowel movement?? I noticed that every like 2 days or so she won't have one at all and didn't know if that was normal or a result of her medication or what. Just wanted to check on that too...

May 24
BM
No she usually doesn't wake up now. It may just be the fact that she's noticing a change in her formula [i.e. more parts water than parts formula] I'm sure she's getting pissy about the watered down taste but she'll get over it. If you haven't already you can try giving her just water in her bottle. That's the last step and after that she'll eventually say fuck this and not want it any more.
The shaking you described may be tremors or they may be chills that overcome her. Without seeing her it's hard to confirm which. Tremors are a neurological issue that can indeed also be caused by medication. Since she was born with them it's hard to confirm which is the case without further testing. DH himself has tics as do I and both are neurological so it may be something she's inherited however the fact that you're noticing it after she's had time to have a drug settle in her system can hint that it's purely medical. Trust your instincts and take her to a dr with your concerns if you feel that is necessary.
No I do not live in Wal-Mart
But SD3 and I love Wal-Mart!!
SD1 1/2 does have her fussy days usually atleast once a week. She's more of a high needs kid than most and her verbal frustration seems to shine through more and more. She's a kid that requires the utmost in patience.
She's always pooped atleast once a day in my care. Describe her poop, is it rounded or harder or looser after those breaks in between bowel movements?
Tell her and SD3 that I love them and miss them very much. I had a bit of an accident over the weekend so I've kind of been resting the past few days until BM’s pregnancy's movement peaks up again and then I can go back to work. I'm ever so miserable and grouchy my bathing suit doesn't fit but other then that we're fine. Biggrin How's your little bun in the oven. I don't know how you spell her name.

May 24
(overwhelmed_underappreciated)
I figured I would use up the last of the formula before I switched her to pure water but if I give her more than the one bottle it is just water. Also I have been trying to give her a sippy cup at nap time instead of the bottle... Sometimes she is ok with it sometimes not so much lol. She has been babbling a lot lately and she very clearly called "daddy" to DH the other day when he walked away from her. Was the cutest thing Smile
Uuumm... her poo... Im not sure how to describe it lol. not real hard like she is constipated or anything... seems normal to me just every couple of days she wont go and the next day there isn't more than usual. It doesnt seem any different to me.
I completely understand the misery. I am so ready to be done with this pregnant thing lol. I went to buy a new bathing suit top to hold my boobs and just my luck-there isn't one that will fit!!! So I have been wearing my old one with a wife-beater over top and shorts cuz my bottoms dont fit so well either lol. I decided to spell her name a little differently (that was my compromise with DH since he wouldnt let me just name her lol). She has moved firmly under my ribs and refuses to move except to kick me... or when I am trying to sleep then she pushes on what seems like every part of my stomach at the same time... I keep telling DH I am just not cut out for this pregnancy thing lol. I hope it wasn't too serious of an accident. Have they decided what day they are going to induce you?? I really hope everything goes well. One of my friends that was due July 9th had her water break like 4 days ago and they have her on antibiotics and are trying to keep her baby in as long as possible and she is just miserable. I couldnt imagine dealing with all that at once. I would tell them to take the kid out... now lol.
So what is going to happen with your job after BM’s pregnancy is born?? And do you and BMs bf live 2gether?? Is he gonna be helping with the newborn stage?? Its gonna be difficult with 2 young'ns and the newborn. I hope that he is planning on helping you as much as possible and what about your parents?? I know they are not the most supportive of you but I hope someone will be there to help you with the girls.

May 24
BM
Wow yeah it's rough if your water breaks early, especially that early. A babies lungs don't mature until around 36 weeks gestation so the baby would be born with complications a lot like SD1 1/2 had. Since this is your first active pregnancy you're baby will descend, or 'lower' as they call it and you will be able to breathe much easier as (your baby) will no longer be squeezing the life out of your lungs and will instead be testing your perineum for the avid ability not to piss yourself everytime her movements justle your bladder. [That can and probably will happen- i assure you]
I said I was not cut out for 'this pregnancy thing' the first time and sheesh this is my third child. Its this damn fertile mexican blood flowing through my veins.
The accident wasn't too serious. And it was BMs bf's fault the poor thing. He fell off a ladder and landed on me. He feels terrible but my baby and I are both ok so there's nothing to fret about.
After my baby is born I'll take atleast 4 weeks maternity leave and then go back to work same as before. Can't afford not to. I'll be breastfeeding again so the trick is have him accept a plastic nipple as well as me. SD1 1/2 had major issues with that where as SD3 didn't care she was just like 'FEED ME'. BMs bf and I live together but we're in the process of finding somewhere else. I'm hoping we can find a better place before BM’s pregnancy comes. He'll be helping out yeah idk how much actual help it will be but he seems eager to learn and excited about the upcoming changes. I'm most worried about how the girls will react when they come home. SD3 was a terror after SD1 1/2 finally left the hospital. She didn't want anything to do with me and she 'didn't like SD1 1/2' for the longest time. I'm hoping they'll be as accepting as young children can be. My parents don't help. That's a riot. My parents are the most unsupportive people in the world. They won't even watch the girls if one of them is sick and can't go to day care. No I've learned a long time ago to rely on myself because my parents just aren't there so to speak

May 24
(overwhelmed_underappreciated)
Ahhh ha ha ha.... SD1 1/2 is trying to type on daddys computer!!! She is even moving her fingers like she is typing... this is the most awesome thing ever and my stupid camera batteries are dead Sad She is all serious and staring into the screen and moving the mouse every so often. Oh this is simply epic!!!!

May 24
BM
I'm just happy she's not eating it Biggrin

May 24
(overwhelmed_underappreciated)
She doesn't put everything in her mouth now... that is a relief... means I dont have to make her cry all the time when she grabs and stuffs b4 I can catch her lol.

May 24
BM
Well that's improvement. Hey when you guys come up here i'll hopefully have the girls old clothes and toys ready for you to take. If you want them keep them if not give them to someone who does need them.

May 25
(overwhelmed_underappreciated)
Thanks BM... that will def help out a lot. I'm trying to convince DH to let me get her some of those military baby outfits they sell at the MCX but idk if I will be able to get him to bend lol.

May 25
BM
Oh i remember all the baby things they had there! Shoot. Ask DH if I give him the money will he get BM’s pregnancy an outfit for us? BMs bf is obsessed with the Marine Corps.

May 25
(overwhelmed_underappreciated)
I'll ask him... and I'll see what they have (been a while since I've been) so you have a better idea on what u want...

May 26
(overwhelmed_underappreciated)
2 things... I have unfriended your bf so you can no longer stalk my fb profile (I do not appreciate that at all.) and from now on if you have a problem with me please be an adult and come to me about it rather than DH. If I do not know what the problem is I cannot fix it. DH does not own me and does not tell me what to do, therefor telling him your issue with me is basically a dead end. I have tried to accommodate everything that you have asked of me regarding the girls and I would appreciate a little bit of respect. Also, please stop bad mouthing me to my DH. I have no problem talking to you and trying to work out whatever issues you may have but speaking negatively about me to him will not fix anything but rather cause more issues than already may exist.
I am going to be in the girls lives for a very very long time and if this is going to work and be a minimum amount of stress on them we need to be able to work things out as adults and not have to take the most round about way to fix things. I am not a fan of drama and the best way to avoid said drama is to come to the source...
Stop stalking my facebook profile. That is incredibly immature and I do not appreciate you reading every little thing that I may or may not post to my own friends. They understand the situation and know that I did not birth the children. And there is nothing wrong with me loving them as if they were my own.

May 26
BM
I don't enjoy your Facebook profile as you seem to assume. Actually, I continuously told the people who are on your Facebook that I don't care to see what you say or what you do. So, that's not the issue you need to be worried about. And I've given you the utmost respect (overwhelmed_underappreciated). I don't spew hatred off at the mouth like you do. I don't appreciate the things you do say about me to the people you know. I'm not the "her" that needs to be put in quotations. That's a direct implication of disrespect. I'm your DH ex-wife. I've known him for years. I know him better than you do still at this point in your relationship. I also find it 100% disrespectful that you would make a comment to someone about how you 'may not technically be their mother but you might as well be'... I mean, seriously? What's your implication. You are in there life and if I wanted to CHANGE that I'd make it so goddamn hard for DH to see them. But, you don't matter to me in the long run. DH having a positive relationship with his kids matter to me. That's the only important thing and whether he cares to admit it he knows that.
http://www.americanbar.org/groups/public_education/resources/law_issues_...
^^I urge both you but mostly DH to read this link it might help you both clear up any falsified annoyances you two seem to carry with the current situation at hand.
And (overwhelmed_underappreciated), it's not my fault you don't have gas money to drive around in. DH pays for everything else for you. But it wouldn't kill you to get a job. Then you'd know what being a parent is all about. I work full time being as pregnant as you are now and I still did everything for my kids when they are here. So please remember that the next time you feel you've had a rough day with the girls. Remember that it really could be so much worse if you had to do anything else more than watching them.
Again: I don't care about your Facebook. I care about your apparent lack of disrespect. I do respect you as I don't say or write half the shit you do. You're welcome to be in the girls lives. That part matters to me little.
Remind DH if he's so financially strapped he's welcome to bring the girls back home at anytime.

May 26
(overwhelmed_underappreciated)
I dont see how anything I say is "spewing hatred off at the mouth." I would like some examples of what I say that is hatred. How you take things that are said are on you... maybe if you asked me what is meant you would understand that I am not being disrespectful cuz lord knows I could use a lot worse than saying "her".
And when I said that I am not technically their mother I meant that No I didn't give birth to them but I play the role of mother when they are with me as they are my step-kids. That is something that you will have to get used to. And you have no idea what my relationship with DH is like. You don't know who he is now, you know who he was in school and while you guys were together. He is an amazing man and a wonderful father and provider for his family. You haven't been with him in over 2 years.. and people do change over time. Don't think that just because you guys were together for a while that he is that same boy you were with. His life has changed drastically since you were with him.
I never said anything to you about not having gas money and in order for you to even see that post you had to be on my profile and go through all the posts that I had on other peoples pages. You have no freakin clue what my/our situation is at the moment and it would be in your best interest to not comment about it. And no it wouldnt kill me to get a job but right now I am a full time student and am focusing on my schooling so that I can create a better life for my family. Not that it is any of your business. What DH and I have agreed upon is absolutely none of your business or concern. I am doing something with my life and trying to better it in any way that I can. You are too gd smart to not be in school and not be trying to better yourself. You are also too gd smart to be breaking the law the way you do. I don't have to stoop to stealing people's credit cards or other such illegal activities to make my life exciting. I do not understand how you could do something that you know has the potential of taking you away from your children and placing you in prison. I am not trying to start an argument with this but BM my own parents have been in and out of jail most of my life and it is simply the most difficult thing I have experienced and I would hate for the girls and now BM’s pregnancy to have to deal with that because of a momentary lapse of judgement on your part. I am not trying to demean you with any of this but as a mother you should know better. I couldnt imagine doing anything that could take me away from my family... Just something for you to think about.
I wish you the best of luck at your court date and also giving birth. Nothing that I say is in any way malicious and if you take it that way, sorry. But that is your own insecurities at play...
And yes I am a mother figure to these children. I potty trained SD3 and I will be the one to get SD1 1/2 off her bottle. And I also don't have to drug SD1 1/2 to get her to sleep through the night. We have not even a portion of the problems that you seem to have with the children. They are an absolute joy to have while they are here and we would love to have more time with them. If you can't handle having them maybe you should think about having them spend more time with us...
As far as the child support goes, if you cannot afford the most expensive day care center in the area maybe you should look into a cheaper day care. It's basically just a babysitter watching a bunch of kids at once. They will not suffer any if they have a cheaper place to spend all day. Maybe do some research to find out which ones have a good program at a cheaper rate... just saying.

June 10
BM
Just want you to know how much DH is going to resent you for what you've done to his visitation.

Comments

overit2's picture

And this is what happens when you try to play nice and be involved in the communications that shouldn't be yours to deal with. NIGHTMARE!! UGHHH

overwhelmed_underappreciated's picture

I have removed myself from all contact with BM or her bf because of this... I tried to give her steady updates on skids when they were with us but from now on if she wants to know what is going on she can contact DH and get the minimum amount of info that he decides to give her... not my problem anymore. I just wanted to share what the hell I have to go thru with this crazy b*tch and her "holier than thou" attitude and condescending tone....

overwhelmed_underappreciated's picture

I wasnt exactly trying to be her "friend" so much as ease her mind that Im not trying to take her place as the childrens mother... but F that lol... She can think what she wants. She uses the kids to play games with DH and Im over it. I love DH very much and will support any decision that he makes but no longer will I subject myself to her immaturity...

ginger.m's picture

Well that sux. At least before, she was pretending to not be jealous. Now that she knows you know, watch out! It's tough to be "at war" with a jealous BM because her only weapon is her children. It's almost as tho she's got her kids tied to a chair and torturing them in front of DH saying "don't make me do it, DH. You'd better do as I say. You'd better give me what I want!" And DH, not wanting his children to suffer, gives the bitch whatever she wants! SICK!
June10
"Just want you to know how much DH is going to resent you for what you did to his visitation!" WTF??
So she's willing to torture these poor girls immediately! Didn't take her long, huh?

overwhelmed_underappreciated's picture

Both DH and I find it amusing that she is trying to make her limiting his visitation with the girls MY fault when I have no control over that issue at all... She doesnt seem to realize that it isnt affecting me as much as DH and his children... They (the kids) are the ones that suffer the most... and that is on her, not me!!!

overwhelmed_underappreciated's picture

Sent DH the link about GU... he immediately replied "Do they know BM or what" lmao... Its funny in a sad, twisted kind of way. I couldnt imagine being like that personally... I just dont get it.

overwhelmed_underappreciated's picture

DH and I are also very concerned about the medication issue... especially when SD3 told us that she wants to take meds and that she likes taking meds... that disturbed us both quite a bit. I think that BM is extremely lazy and all of the concerns that you have voiced are the very things that DH and I discussed and I then spoke with my aunt about (she is a RN) and she agreed with me. The sad thing is that she is about to have another kid with her current bf... a kid that both DH and I believe she got pregnant with in order to trap him and make him stay and help her care for the girls. She really disgusts me but there is only so much that I can say/do ya know. It hurts me to see these kids go through this tho. Btw did you happen to read my blog entry about her text message?? http://www.steptalk.org/node/46919 This is how twisted this woman is...

overwhelmed_underappreciated's picture

We just took the kids home this past weekend. She has said this stuff before about limiting their visitation but it never lasted long. On top of that she is about to have another kid with her current bf and I have a feeling that 1) he isnt gonna wanna have the girls around much b/c he is gonna wanna focus all of his and her time on their new baby and 2) she is going to become overwhelmed very quickly with having both kids and a newborn and will be calling DH to come pick up the girls and keep them for a few weeks/months.

Unfortunately the CO states that DH has just one weekend a month and other visitation is based around his leave (he is military) and that they have to agree on that between the two of them so there is only so much we can do. It just breaks my heart that she uses the children as a way to "get back" at DH for being with me.

FallingfromGrace's picture

I learned this years ago too...my DH is a salesman and is not at a computer daily. I carry the insurance on the skids, and we have 50/50 custody (Fri-Fri) so we get a lot of school info that we need to share with BM...so I would bring it to the office and scan it to my hubby and he would forward to BM. After a year, I thought this is stupid and I just scanned it directly to her myself - she came unglued...two seconds after I sent it she said emailed me back and said "you are NEVER to email me again, these are DH's kids and this is not your concern". So we were back to me sending to DH, and DH forwarding to her. It is just pathetic. Mind you, I did not try to engage her in any coversation jsut scanned a school info packet with the subject "SS1 School info Packet".

Lesson learned. LOL!