What to do...

Where to begin... I am new to this forum, or even going out to reach for help, and vent. Please excuse my ignorance since I do not know what a lot of the acronyms mean. However, I will do my best to learn them. Please correct me if I've used the acronyms wrong.

A little background: I am married to my darling husband (DH) for 2 year now. He has two exwives, and he has a daughter with each of them. My DH and the first exwife, Bowl Movement (BM1) has a daughter, so my stepdaughter (SD1) age 11. The second exwife (BM2)with my SD2 age 2.

According to my DH, while he was married to BM2, she could not stand BM1, they just loathed each other. BM2 never spent time with SD1 only for one time and all she did was complain that they had to take care of her for 3 days, and thought of her as a rude daughter always wanting DH's time. Their plans were to move to CA to be closer to SD1 but BM2 did not want to move or anything to do with SD1, though all along it was their plan to be with SD1 before they even got married.

Since my DH has moved on and divorced BM2, BM1 and BM2 are now best of buds. BM1 and BM2 are letting their daughters talk, which I think is great for the most part, so the girls will get to know their half sister. But now all of a sudden BM2 wants to be part of SD1's life? She didn't really want to do anything with her in the first place while DH and her were married.

My SD1 and I have a good relationship for the most part. Its hard to maintain any communication with her though, since the only way I can get a hold of my SD1 is through BM1's cell who doesn't always answer the phone or just tells me that SD1 is busy playing. I would want my DH to have a good solid relationship with his daughter first, before i start to build a solid one as well. Do you think this is the right way of doing things? I just don't want to go in between anything with my DH and SD1, but yet at the same time I want to have a relationship with her too. I don't want SD1 to feel that she has to fight for her dad's attention when I'm around or my kids (her half brothers), so I let my DH and SD1 have time together whenever they can.

BM1 tells my DH that he and my SD1 have a communication problem, and that they should see a therapist. Great idea, and so my husband set it all up and they (DH and SD1) were going on a regular basis, every week! After 3 months of routine visits, and SD1 opening up and communicating well with DH, BM1 just stops all meetings with the therapist between SD1 and DH. The therapist mentioned that BM1 gave no reason to why BM1 wanted it all to stop. I can only speculate that BM1 may feel threatened with DH's and his daughter's relationship.

So a little venting here just because it gets on my nervous and i know I should not show any emotion towards it... My SD1 has a fb account and on there you can have it showing who is your family.. well my SD1 indicates that she has two dads, which she does her stepdad and my DH. SD1 also indicates that BM1 and myself are her mothers, but just yesterday... BM2 is now showing as a mother as well!! What the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks!!! I feel that now SD1's mind is being played with... why would you do that to a girl who now thinks that she has 3 moms!?!?!?

Now for some advice... What can I do? I know not to show emotion and that's why I'm here to vent and let that emotion out? Should I be humble and talk to BM1 and be honest and just say Hey, look.. I really want to have a relationship with your daughter. I've stepped back so DH and his daughter can have a relationship but we are a family, and SD1 is part of my life... Should I say something to that affect?

I'd like to have a relationship with SD2 but BM2 is out of state, and will not let me see SD2 at all. She will not let my DH take SD2 out of the house as well. So I have to bite my tongue, especially if that's the way DH can have a relationship with SD2. The court orders are so vague, not detailed enough that he can't do much but only with him and BM2 agreeing on things, and still she would turn around and change them last minute... How do you sparents handle this? Any help would be great.. thank you! Sorry if this ended up way to long and all over the place.. longer than i expected!

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Thanks just4me!! I'll try not

Thanks just4me!! I'll try not to let these BMs get to me. I just feel bad for the SDs since they are young. My DH is doing as much as he can for his daughters, so in time I hope that the girls will really see the BMs' true colors.

My SD1 and I have a good

---- You really call BM's cell phone?? I personally think that is asking for trouble. If SD wants to talk to you then she can do it when she calls dad. Just my opinion though.

As far as facebook, you will do yourself a favor if you just stay off all skids pages. You don't even know the half of what goes on with facebook. I wouldn't concern yourself with Skids and their relationships with other steps. You will just drive yourself crazy.

Yes, we have to call BM's

Yes, we have to call BM's cell phone. That's the only way we can talk to her. BM has to monitor it, and its tough because when SD wants to freely talk to me or DH it feels like she can't do that w/o hurting BM's feelings, so she makes conversations short and quick. Now, I stay out of it b/c I don't want to throw anymore wood into that fire, especially making SD feel uncomfortable.

At one time when SD was staying with us, she called BM to let her know she was fine, SD said, "Hi other Mother." BM wasn't too thrilled with that.

I agree with alwaysanxious.

I agree with alwaysanxious. Stop calling sd through bm on hger cell. Talk to sd when dh has her. Stop going on the skids facebook too. Again see sd when dh has her.

I am friends with my skids on facebook however They are hardly ever on and bm keeps them in good check when it comes to that stuff. But if there were drama I wouldn't be their friends. It was bm's idea to have dh as their friends to help keep them in line they just sent a friends request on their own so i accepted.

As I said any drama and I'm off. There is no reason for you to call bm's cell to talk to sd. Keep your relationship with her when dh has her.

Hahaha.. thanks

Hahaha.. thanks Purpledaisies! I'll remember that last line:

"Do not worry about people talking "behind your back", it just means that you are one step ahead of them and they are exactly in the right direction to kiss your ass!"

You and alwaysanxious are right regarding the whole fb thing, I'll just delete that. There's really no need for me to have that. She requested me as a friend, and it was nice to see what she was up to, but with BMs added in the mix, I don't need that drama.

I appreciate you guys helping me get things into perspective. Also, its so nice to talk to others who can relate.

I agree with alwaysanxious.

I agree with alwaysanxious. Stop calling sd through bm on hger cell. Talk to sd when dh has her. Stop going on the skids facebook too. Again see sd when dh has her.

As I said any drama and I'm off. There is no reason for you to call bm's cell to talk to sd. Keep your relationship with her when dh has her.

DH's kids have FB. And the

DH's kids have FB. And the oldest tried to friend us awhile ago. And I told DH no way in hell are we going to be friends with kids who aren't even old enough to have a FB in the first place! But we can't control what people post on ours pages and what his kids would see if they were on our pages... And my main reason was BM. I don't want her getting on her kids pages and looking at our pages. It's none of her damn business!

So true, it isn't any BMs

So true, it isn't any BMs business! I've filtered it to where they view limited things, but you're right why even bother. You don't think that it would hurt SD's feeling if I just deleted her?

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