DDs 1st bday... can I ban gparents from getting skids gifts also??

Someone else posted about her skid taking center stage for everyone else' bday and it got me thinking...

For every single event the skids paternal gparents (who are divorced and do this seperately) buy the skids gifts. Exampl: my baby shower for DD paternal gma showed up with huge gift bags of various toys for skids to play with. Now I had already received my gifts from her (they were delivered to my home, shower was held at my parents) but this happens every time. On OSD bday YSD gets gifts as well. On YSD bday OSD also is given gifts. Now I personally do not agree with this as I feel that a childs bday and party should be about that child alone and not to give gifts to the siblings. Its her day, not her sisters, let's focus on bday girl!!!

Maybe this isn't such a big deal but they already ask on the others bday if they are getting gifts too and I try to explain "no, this is (insert kids name here) bday and this day is about her. You get gifts on your bday." But then lo and behold, gparents each show up with gifts for non bday kid as well. Am I being unreasonable?? Is it so hard to focus on one child and allow them to feel extra special for one day out of the year?? DDs bday is taking place at my home... would it be wrong to ask them not to bring gifts for skids as well?? Hoping for some input here!!!

overwhelmed_underappreciated's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

I think it's wrong to ask

I think it's wrong to ask ANYONE to not bring gifts. It's actually bad manners to ASK for them or to say DON"T BRING THEM. With that said, if they were being unfair, ie. for the skids they would bring gifts no matter whose birthday, but for your bios they didn't, that would be different. But as long as they are doing the same for all kids, it is wrong to ask them to change. That is their choice.

I think that it is wrong for

I think that it is wrong for them to bring gifts on another child's birthday. I would tell them, politely, "We are trying to install a sense of awareness in the Skids, and them receiving gifts on another individuals birthday undermines the importance you are trying to teach them about giving to others, if you bring gifts for the skids, the skids will not be allowed to open or receive them on that day. Please respect our house hold and are rules"

That is very nicely worded

That is very nicely worded lol. I wouldn't have a problem the day before or after... idk. I just don't want them to grow into entitled monster-brats lol.

That is how I look at it too.

That is how I look at it too. When kids are young it is important to teach them about giving to others, if they always receive then it takes away from that lesson. If they insist on giving something, put it in the closet for the next day.

I could try that but gparents

I could try that but gparents sit there and wait as skids open the package... of course they have little respect for me and what I say anyways so I doubt they would listen even if I did say something.

And no, gpa does not do this for DD but he basically acts as tho she doesn't exisit... the heartless b*st*rd. I don't even know if he is coming to DDs party.

If they do not do anything

If they do not do anything for DD then they wouldnt be allowed in my home, personally that is disrespectful.

Idk if you have read any of

Idk if you have read any of my other blogs but fFIL threw a sh*t fit when he found out I was preg. Treated me and DD like sh*t and just recently was allowed to be a part of our lives after a 6m cut off due to his behavior. This will be the firts time since said cut off that he will be around DD and if his behavior has not changed I will make it a lot longer next time. SO supports this fully. I honestly can't sand him and almost hope he gets co again... yeah I'm mean like that lol. How he treatts me is whatever but DD is innocent and doesn't deserve it. P*sses me off to no end.

Lol... if only I could!!!

Lol... if only I could!!! (Btw they have been so much better with that punishment. I know you don't agree and respect your opinion but it has truly made a difference where nothing else has!!!) Back on topic... he usually hold cans od beer in each hand so maybe jugs of milk?? Jk jk. Still don't like or respect the SOB.

okay after reading that he

okay after reading that he wouldnt be invited. Hell no, I would be done with him. I have done this to my own family, I do not speak with my fathers Bio-Mom. She was awful, she was horrible to my mother all growing up, and she stopped speaking to me for about 6 years. When I was 16 she showed up at my work wanting to talk, she had breast cancer and wanted to be in my life, I told her were were you when I wrote you letters the past 6 years? why didnt you return my calls? She said because she didnt like my mom, that had nothing to do with me contacting her, I told her to get out. When you burn a bridge down you have to earn the right to rebuild it, my grandmother wanted a free pass she wanted everything she had done to be washed away, not in my book. To this day I still send christmas cards, and birthday cards, I have gotten nothing in return. I am okay with that, she made her grave and has to live with not knowing me.

I wanted to give him 1 last

I wanted to give him 1 last opportunity to prove he is a better person than he has shown. Ok maybe its stupid on my part but I want him to have a POSITIVE relationship with his gkids. But as I stated, he gets 1 more chance. He f*cks this one up and he can see skids on BM time and forget about me and DD even existing. I will not put my child through that bs... WILL NOT have her suffer for his cruelty. She just won't know he exists and when she is old enough to understand and ask about him I will gently tell her the truth. Until then she has 3 wonderful gmas, 2 wonderful gpas, a ggpa and 3ggmas that love and adore her. She doesn't need him or his negativity.

while I agree that part of

while I agree that part of the learning process is teaching your child that they can't always be the recipient of gifts is great, it is a long slow process when you have ppl that look for a reason to spoil or play favorites.

I wonder if you should work with the skids to make or prepare a really special gift from them to the dd1?

You could start this as a tradition thing. That way in their minds they realize that it is not their day.
Even if gparents are screwing up the parenting plan!!!

Luckily, dd1 won't notice this year or any other year in the next 5 whether or not she's the only one getting gifts or not.
Try not to feel too slighted or irritated about this issue. I'd totally expect them to bring gifts for all the kids if they are going to continue this thing they do. Even dd1 when it's not her bday too!

You have a great point. She

You have a great point. She won't notice...yet. I have never said anything about it but gma always volunteers that "she doesn't want non-bday-skid to feel left out. I just don't get it.

I think it's wrong to ask

I think it's wrong to ask people not to bring gifts. I also think it's wrong to try to tell grandparents they can't do this.

Also, my parents have always given the "other" kids a little something when it was another's birthday. They always have. I've known several families who have done this. It's to help the other kids not to feel left out, and it makes the grandparents happy.

Why would I try to curtail that?

I get what you are saying, my

I get what you are saying, my stance is that I don't think they should expect it. As for not being "left out" its not their bday so I don't think its "fair" for lack of a better word to take that thunder from bday girl. That jmo and why I am looking for some input.

Well, if they bring something

Well, if they bring something for DD when it's someone else's birthday, then what's the problem?

Honestly, one gift isn't going to "steal" DD's thunder. It's never been an issue at my house.

Remember, life is not fair. That's preached on here with regularity.

I guess each family is different. I raised 3 bios and one step under this arrangement, and it never bothered me. It gave the non-bday kids a little something special to look forward to.

its tacky when the gesture is

its tacky when the gesture is only to the skids and not for the bio.