I have been in 'baby' mode for a month or so. BF has been on the bubble about, saying that I should at least have a ring on my finger first. But the other night we were talking about it and he asked me if I had really thought this through. Having a baby is life changing (which is kind of what I was going for this life currently kind of sucks). But it was what he said that I didn't agree with, he said that I wouldn't be able to do things like go snowmobiling or go to the casino with my mom. Which that stuff is not AS important and currently we can't do whatever we want when we have his kids (EOW). I think we went snowmobiling once last year maybe twice.

Any way that is not important it was his question that got to me so I have spent a few days thinking about it. While I still do really want a baby in my heart. My mind is telling me (what a lot of you guys have told me) it's not a good time. The house we have really isn't big enough for a new addition and with me not working and no money saving up - can we really afford a baby?

Also I have growing concerns about BF as a father. I do love him but he is so passive when it comes to parenting. I enjoys kids and being around them but could care less about going to doctor visit and school stuff (and making decisions). I get that he works and has to work but he has 2 weeks of vacation time that he NEVER uses. Then he blames BM for all the issues with the boys, as I keep pointing out they have 2 parents and he should do something but he doesn't. He just complains about it.

Just yesterday he complained last year that he never knew anything about school so when I picked SS6 up at the bus stop I ran home and made copies of everything in his bag, some forms I suggested he fill out and return to show the school that SS6 has 2 homes. Nope he just tossed everything into a pile and didn't even read it. And today there is a meeting with SS4's teacher at 2, BF has over 50 hours in this week so I was like just ask them if you can have a half day (they have been on him to watch his hours) But he won't ask and doesn't really seem to care if he goes but he is dead set on me going with if he does go - f that! he can go and take his own damn notes.

Lastly there is our families. I pointed out to him that was have seen more of his parents than we have of mine, and most of the time when we see mine - his are there too. It hurt me last night when his parents called to say that they were going north this weekend so BF told me that WE should stay home too, but my parents are north and were expecting to see us this weekend. I had to TELL him that we were going north at least for the day to see my parents. Grant it I do like his parents but I like mine too and I would want MY baby to see both grandparents - equally or close to it.

So I am going to sit BF down tonight and tell him that he was right I hadn't thought it all the way through. Also I am hitting the job hunt hard today - If I am not having a baby, I am not stay home to raise some one else's either.