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BM headed for disaster?

SisterNeko's picture

in more ways than one. Have you ever seen a storm approaching and thought to yourself - I wonder if it's as bad as it looks or maybe it will miss us? I am no weather man but I am 90% sure this is going to be bad and it's not going to miss us and their are two separate fronts coming.

Front number one is SS6. In like the past month I had noticed (and so had BF) that he is becoming very attached to me. We talked about it last night and I guess BF talked to his mom about it as well (so It's not just me that has noticed). BM has always been obsessed with SS4 (will get to him next) and SS6 has always had to take a back seat, but at our house they are treated equally. But it worries us because I am not his mother and never will be. But since his real mother ignores him, he loves the attention that I give him. It worries BF because he knows BM will melt down then she finally realizes (if she ever does) that her son likes me more than her.

I was trying to disengaged but I am torn now. He really needs a 'mother' who cares about him. But I will always be his friend. Grr did I menchen that I hate that woman? BF's mom suggested that BM doesn't even want him any more, but her pride won't let her give him up to BF. She is after all MOTY. I did ask SS6 (in front of BF) to stop hanging on me all the time. He is heavy and it wears me out, I am not a very big person myself. I was very nice about it and even joked a little on what a big boy he was.

Front two is SS4. BM had always wanted a special needs child (She tried to get BF to adopt one after they got married - they were turned down because of their age at the time) so when she found out that SS4 had issues (with his eyes mostly) then later a doctor said he had Autism. So he is her world now, but she continually does things to set him back in life. It's like she doesn't want him to get better. (which the doctor said he was high functioning and could out grow some of it if we got him in school).

I have always thought that she was trying to hold SS4 back so that people would feel sorry for her and her 'special' child. But recently i think her actions caught the attention of some one else... SS4's neurologist. Today they (BM and BF) were headed to the office to get genetic testing done on SS4. This request came after BF took SS4 to he last doctor's appointment alone and SS4 had a much better check up than when BM was with them. Also BF talked with them about some things and BM wasn't there to lie about it this time (like him not getting into summer school and supposedly being potty trained at her house). I think the doctor is questioning BM (in his mind) and wants to see if SS4 really carries the gene for autism. If he does then there is a chance that BM (or BF) has it which could also explain her odd behavior at times. I told BF to stay out of it and just be honest when they ask question about ss4. If SS4 doesn't have it then they may look into environmental factors, if she is setting SS4 up to fail and this doc figures it out, he'll call CPS, she could be could be found unfit to parent and lose custody of BOTH kids.

Side note if it comes back SS4 has the gene, BF is getting tested to see if he has it - since we are thinking of maybe one day having a kid.

I can just see both of these issues getting massive and me being stuck in the middle, not that BM losing custody would be a bad thing but that would mean BF (and I) would get full custody which would put more pressure on us. But we'll just see what happens. I have never thought BM was very smart but doesn't this all seem reckless?

Comments

newmom01's picture

Who in the world would purposely want a special needs child? I know adopting one thats ok and a diffrent story....but wanting to actually deliever a child from your own womb with "issues"....thats just nuts!~

stormabruin's picture

There actually is something called Munchhausen's syndrome by proxy, where the parent will fabricate an illness, & sometimes go so far as to purposely make their child ill for the sake of getting attention. They lie about symptoms to the doctors to lead to a sickly diagnosis.

SisterNeko's picture

UpDate - this is SO interesting.

Bf got back awhile ago and was super ticked. Turns out they weren't testing for Autism - because they had already tested for that and it was NEGATIVE! They said that they told them that after the test results came back around the time shortly before their divorce. So apparently BM knew and never told BF. But was acting as if she hadn't know - but some one had to know.

They were testing for some other things but the doctor doing the test said based on his behavior he doesn't have these either. But of course BM had googled it and was freaking out int he car that SS4 had these awful things. I am really starting to think she does have Munchhausen by proxy but I am not a doc so maybe one of them will figure this all out one day.

SisterNeko's picture

Thanks, I would love to call it into question but I wouldn't know where to start and I am afraid that they would just think I was being a jealous girlfriend. But I encourage BF to keep making his stance very clear and maybe some one else will finally say something like the people at school or the doctors. Or heaven forbid BF grow a pair and do it.

BF did say that there was a social worker at the testing place yesterday. He said they were there to help with the kids but I find that odd. Not starting to wonder if some one is checking on BM or they have social workers there for people like so many BM's that fake their kids ailments.

Right now we are dealing with shots - SS4 was supposed to have them in May (but he threw a fit and BM left the office with him and didn't go back) He needs them to start school on the 13th, but BM hasn't called to set it up for him but says she will do it. I told BF to call her ever day until she does. But once again I think she is stalling so SS4 won't start school on time and still be behind.