You are here

First time blogging about my fulltime step mothering experience...

Singadiva's picture

Submitted by Singadiva on Sun, 09/28/2014 - 6:57pm

I came across this today:
A Stepmother's Bill of Rights
1. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.
2. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
3. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
4. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.
5. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.
6. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.
7. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
8. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.
9. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.
10. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.

Good, hey? It has been hard to read these forums with all the nightmares going on but while I really didn't know what I was getting myself in for, I'm doing this for a reason and learning heaps and I have a wonderful DH so no matter the crap I probably should have seen coming (BM bullshit) and the stuff I couldn't make up if I tried (GrandNightmare taking US to court) I'm in it for the hard yards.

Comments

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Sun, 09/28/2014 - 7:03pm

And I have to add, it took my hubby and I about 4 years to really get all the above in our lives. For the most part, we are finally living by those rules.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Mon, 09/29/2014 - 12:20pm

Lets go it....my fee is 10% of award and the right to mock the hell out of your BM and DH.

Singadiva's picture

Submitted by Singadiva on Sun, 09/28/2014 - 8:10pm

Can you sue for mental distress and everything you've lost as a result of f@&$kwittage from f@&$knuckles in your life???

Singadiva's picture

Submitted by Singadiva on Sun, 09/28/2014 - 7:36pm

Thanks everyone!
I'm very new to fulltime step mothering, no children of my own and this is marriage number 3 (hubby 2 suicided) so I have a great deal at stake.
I'm blown away by the nastiness I've suffered just for marrying my man and dedicating myself to helping raise the children his ex abandoned.
I've also taken on his mother who lives with us as she had to to help DH save the family home and keep his job after BM ran away.
Most of these rules have actually been naturally set up because of the type of people we are but it's so good to have them in black and white.
I've been suffering too much stress because the BM just realised DH and I and his children loved our first year together and has ramped up the bullshit so the fan has been spinning and my health is suffering.
I'm hoping to find support here.
Peace to you all.

Singadiva's picture

Submitted by Singadiva on Sun, 09/28/2014 - 7:59pm

MIL is wonderful - drives me batty for other reasons but I adore her and she me. She sold her house to buy half my DHs home to bring the mortgage down for him and save it, as well as taking on raising the children when BM ran away. I have nothing but the highest respect for her.

Yes, it's been a huge HUGE three years for me. Hubby 2 killed himself in 2012 just months after leaving me, I met DH online just two weeks before he did it and he stood by quietly supporting me through the whole thing because he had "a strong feeling" he was meant to help me.
He asked me to marry him later that year and I moved in Dec 2012. It took GrandNightmare just 6 months to start the bullshit and BM followed as soon as she clocked her children were enjoying this new family....

GN slammed us with the first court action just a week before our wedding, we survived! Then BM decided to suddenly marry and start PAS....then we got the second wave of court action with GN just before our first anniversary and just discovered the full extent of damage dine by BM on SS16... Devastating and I'm not coping too well so we need strategies to get through it without damaging each other or the children.

Singadiva's picture

Submitted by Singadiva on Sun, 09/28/2014 - 8:18pm

Thanks for that - I've recently realised all the time we spent in contact with BM trying to get her to step-up with her children was totally wasted as she spent the entire time playing alienating games behind our backs so we've just instituted a hands off, no contact unless it's a total emergency policy.
Her new husband barraged me with vicious texts until I took them to the police and blocked him from email,FB and my phone.
DH will not engage at all except by text after BM sided with GN in court then claimed he'd psychologically abused the children since their separation and MIL has finally been persuaded to stop packing the children's bags for them and sorting their things just to make sure they're ready for her. Our policy now is what happens in our four walls is the only stuff that matters and WE come first.
If the children forget their pyjamas or don't take enough clothes fir the holidays or go up dirty because they didn't get up in time to wash and have breakfast, tough. She can mother-up.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Mon, 09/29/2014 - 12:25pm

Sounds like you both are figuring it out. No communication except thru text or email and only in emergency.

Have clothes at both homes.

Make your home a sanctuary.

Big hugs for all you went thru....oh, and another thing, as many spa days as you can get to. Smile