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Lying Step kid.

Shorti90's picture

So my SD is 7 and she has a habit of over exagerating and outright lying for attention. She has gotten authorities involved twice in 3 years because of her lying. And she doesn't show any remorse when it happens. As long as she gets the attention she wants she is fine with doing whatever gets her that. 

Now for instance CPS has been involved in 2 separate instances once where she outright lied about my DH and I. Another where the situation got out of hand I was pregnant at the time and, SD had been acting up for 6 months straight giving us attitude over every little thing and not doing as we asked hurting me even after finding out about the baby. Overall making My DH and me walk on eggshells, and he used his belt on her , he's stopped since due to us learning to hold her acccountable for her attitude and we have behavioral charts in place that earns her a reward. 

To close she has been in therapy and she is getting better behaviorally but oftens he still gets violent and her Lying is still highly problematic. 

Any suggestions or parenting tips?

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

in the picture?   is DH the CP?

Left out mama's picture

I get when kids lie and just seem to put a lot of effort into pushing each and every one of our buttons we want to lash out but Under no circumstances ever raise your hand to a child. I don't care if they are acting like a little brat and lying... a physical assault from a grown man against a 7 year old girl is flat out child abuse.

that being said... lies should be punished with privileges being taken away.. early bed time, loss of screen time, not going to a friends birthday party etc. She will learn to associate negative consequence for her negative behavior. But it also needs to be explained to her why her behavior is not okay.

but all this holds true on the other side. Her honesty should be rewarded or at least praised. I like the rewards chart you are doing, but don't take away points from the chart when she does bad. Her rewards were earned... if she feels like what she worked for will just be taken away she won't try to earn them anymore. 

Disneyfan's picture

Your SD may be difficult, but based on your own words your husband has physical abused her.

Take a look at your choice of words.  You state that she is getting better, but OFTEN HE STILL GETS VIOLENT.   There's a major problem in your home and it isn't the 7 year old child.

Your husband's actions can land your SD and your baby in foster care.  CPS will not pull one child from a violent home and let the other child remain.  They are responsible for ensuring the safety of all children.  

Your husband needs help.

Shorti90's picture

That was my fault I misspelled!!! I meant to write " she" not he. As in my SD not DH. As for DH he hasn't laid a hand on her since. DH is currently in parenting courses and every thing she does that is positive gets praised. On the other side when she does act negativly she has consequences put in place. For instance she hit me and tried throwing a hard block at her sister earlier today. 

Shorti90's picture

Generally she gets sent to her room for violence or she looses a privledge. For instance screen time or something similar. SD has hit me and the baby when angry or upset. And she has been going to therapy on a weekly basis. 

ndc's picture

Your SD needs counseling.  I'm sure she's having a difficult time with her mother abandoning her and needs coping mechanisms other than violence and attention seeking. In the meantime, she needs clear rules and consistent consequences, and no belt or hitting.  If she's lying about abuse, a few well placed cameras might help, too.

tog redux's picture

Yes, does she have a therapist? He/she can also help you guys with parenting strategies.

Disneyfan's picture

Removing the child from the home isn't possible.  Dad is the CP and mom is MIA.

The only other option(in regards to removal)is for the OP to remove herself and the baby from the situation.

Shorti90's picture

To clarify I few things the physical incident with my DH happened when I pregnant and we were getting beat up on by SD. DH had never did it before or since. 

Harry's picture

Needs therapy from someone with a MD after there name. Not some family counseling type person.  She may need to be put on drugs.   Let the therapist take the lead.  At least you will have someone in your corner if CPS get to involved.

She May have to be put into a group home.

thinkthrice's picture

has assumed room temperature there is a chance she will pop back in and screw things up further.

Maxwell09's picture

She lies for attention because she has figured out that will give her the amount of attention she desires. Try giving her positive attention when she is behaving and making her leave the room when she's trying for negative attention. It doesn't have to be much but when you see her coloring tell her it looks nice, when you ask her to fix her own snack and she does it, compliment her for being independent. Everytime she misbehaves remove her from her audience and tell her she can come back out when she's ready to behave and keep with that over and over. Do not argue with her, do not spank her, do not warn her; just get up and take her by her hand into her room or wherever she will be alone and leave her. If y'all are in public then leave everything behind and go sit in the car with her-groceries and all. Eventually she will catch on and start trying to impress you instead of making y'all react in anger. 

Shorti90's picture

So after reading everyone's comemnts I'm gonna point out some things. 

1 she does lie for attention. 

2 she has ADHD which she is on medicine for.

3. She has a therapist. 

4. It's been 2.5 years since her mom abandoned her. 

5. She tried lying about us to other people.

6. We have had ssssooooooo many conversations with her about all of this. We have praised her for things she does well and removed ourselves or her from the room when she acts out. Nothing works.