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Shorti90's picture

I am a first time poster on here so here it goes. 

     I have been in the role of Step parenting for about 3 years now it started before I even officially married my DH. 

I indeed love my step child but she is very demanding of our time and attention and we have a 6 month old as well. 

I've been having a hard time balancing between being a mom and wife. Any advice?

Comments

STaround's picture

I think every mom of a 6 month old has trouble balancing wife and mother.   I would say, first, take care of yourself and your healh.  Eat healthy and exercise.   Second, is your SD's mom in the picture?  Does she take her share of time?  I would try to accept that your DH wants to see both of his kids, but it does help if she takes her time.   Can you get help from your parents for babysitting?  Can you afford outside help? 

Shorti90's picture

Bio mom isn't in the picture at all, no contact what so ever. She stopped calling and trying to keep in contact about a month after she left DH and SD. Even after us reaching out over the span of years she still doesn't respond. I love the fact that my DH wants to spend time with both his daughters. We can't afford a sitter and my in- laws take SD 2 weekends a month which helps. it just gets frustrating at times because SD has some issues with female figures due to Bio mom just walking out. 

Curious Georgetta's picture

as her family grows and expands. You are trying to be attentive and engaged in your role as spouse and partner and at the same time meet the needs of all of your children. Trying to meet the needs of the varying personalities and manage the day to day household duties requires quite the juggling act.

I find it helps to remind myself that in my house that there is love enough for everyone and that the needs of people come before house hold maintenance.

The house need not be perfect. Meals can be modified or delayed and no one is harmed or damaged by delays and changes. Flexibility becomes  a necessary part of your processing . It is also important to take care of yourself. If you are not in a good place physically and emotionally, you have very little to give to anyone else.

Treat yourself to the occasional me time ,and that will help you balance the us time.

 

 

 

Ispofacto's picture

Guard your heart.  BM could reappear any day and it will be The Second Coming, despite what a POS she is.

 

Anonymity's picture

THIS!

Shorti90's picture

I am terrified about her coming back. She's toxic, absolute poison. I mean abandoning your child is bad enough, but using your child as leverage to stay in your ex's life( who she left) and making false promises and letting this little girl down at every turn it just breaks my heart. Sad

SecondGeneration's picture

Hey there, my SD is nearly 9 and my bio daughter is 13 months. 

SD lives with her mum but is with us alternate weekends and wednesdays and half of holidays. I have always has a very positive relationship with her and do love her dearly. BUT during my pregnancy I did start to harbour some distressing negative feelings towards my SD. Fortunately me and my DH talked about it and we put most of it down to evolutionary survival instinct, of me needing to protect my offspring. Dont forget women go through huge hormonal changes during pregnancy and your brain changes too! 

Now my baby girl is 13 months old, the girls adore each other and I get so proud watching them play but I also treasure the time I have with just me, my DH and our baby. Which, with BM not in the picture, is the bit you are missing, so it's ok if you feel like resentment is building up sometimes. Acknowledge it, find ways to lessen it. 

You know your SD will be struggling with all the normal "omg is my new sibling going to replace me" feelings that every kid has, even full siblings go through it, but it is amplified in step world because even children know theres special in that parent/child bond. 

As for struggling to balance being wife and mum, as others have said I think everyone does. 

For me what really helped was hiring a cleaner, I managed to let go of alot of stress that way. 

 

Congratulations on your new addition