So she hates me.
My SD today told me she hates us. her dad and I walked in on her stealing from our wallets then tried to lie to us about it. We asked her what's going on and she said it's cause she hated us. She asked if she can go live with her Bio mom. Her Bio mom is currently in jail because of drug use. My DH told her she can't till her "problems are sorted" My SD ran to her room and is sobbing and screaming. I feel for her my heart is saddened but I don't know how to help her. My DH doesn't know what to do. He and SD bio mom were not married and neither want to go to court.
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How old is SD?
I'm from the school that if your kid says "I hate you" you are doing the parenting job correctly! If a kid says "my mom/dad are my BEST FRIEND" then you are falling down on the parenting job.
My SD was stealing from our wallets when she "thought we were asleep" at age eight.
I have to
I have to second this. Your kid can be your "best friend" when they are a fully grown adult and hopefully no longer need guidance. Until then, they can hate you when necessary. She got caught stealing and these are crocodile tears designed to get her out of trouble. Let her cry.
I don't think there is a kid
I don't think there is a kid born that hasn't at one time or another.. (or many times) told their parents that they "hate" them.
What the little girl really hates is that her mother is MIA and she is frustrated because as a child she is powerless and also doesn't understand the complexities of this situation.
She needs to have a consequence for stealing.. even if she "hates" everyone... and further consequences for further bad behavior. The message should be consistent that good people don't steal and we are raising you to be a good person... we want the best for you.
I know she is in therapy.. but with all the issues she is dealing with.. it isn't like a therapist willl be able to resolve everyting in a 45 minute session.. this girl is going to need time.
She is only 7
She is only 7 - she doesn't get to decide where to live, and DH shouldn't give her the impression that she can make that decision. As was noted in a previous post, she is dealing with abandoment issues because of her mother. You said she was in therapy - maybe try a new therapist?
I don't condone stealing but
I don't condone stealing but I agree with notsurehowtodeal. She is dealing with abandoment issues if her mom is in jail. That is a very hard thing to handle for a very young child. That makes me sad for her also. Seems like she is acting out because she doesn't know how to cope with these big world things. My ODS's father was incacerated when he was around that age. He started acting out and it was very hard on him. I tried counseling and that was frustrating as well. My son would hold those emotions in and thought it was his fault his dad was gone. I looked for group therapy with other kids that might be able to relate and there was nothing there either. Finally I talked to his school counselor. I told her about my son's situation and she told me that she had other student's that had incarcerated loved ones. She actually started a group for just the boys in his grade in the same situation - the 5 that she knew of - of course she got permission from the parents/guardians first. She later stopped me in the hallway and told me that it was the best group that she had and the boys all opened up to each other and didn't talk about it outside of the group (I assume they feel ashamed even though it isn't there fault). Anyways, she told me after the first session she just shut her door and cried. I was so grateful that she listened to me and my concerns and found a way to help these boys. Maybe you could find a group like that for her to share her feelings in.
Does she have a therapist?
Does she have a therapist? She needs one.
Update
She was disciplined for her stealing. She was grounded for a month The money she tried to steal was going to go towards toys for tots. So instead we are donating her gifts then speanding all Christmas day at a shelter giving out christmas dinner and singing carols.
Why is the money she was stealing
Going to toys for tots ? What does that prove. Her gifts going to toys for tots proves something. Not your money.
This kid needs help. Most likely an issue that not going to be solved. BM is a is the main cause. But stealing at this age is a big problem
she is 7 yo. How did she think she was going to spend it ?