Husband and I were together for 4 years. Six months after we married our SS wanted to come stay with us. Found out it was because he didn't want to follow the rules at his mothers and thought we were going to pay for him to have a lavash lifestyle with no rules. Good luck.I wouldn't want to relive that night mare again. If you do allow him to move in with you your DH and you need to be on the same page with parenting styles or your doomed to a life of misery

There's always a chance that as a stepparent you may be fulltime at some point. It's the risk we all take.

I don't really think you can squash the issue. It's the man's son....your best bet is to try and make the best of it and get prepared NOW.

You should tell your husband how you feel? You should tell him that maybe this is your special time with your new baby and that you both need peace and quiet.. and that maybe you are willing to go through discussion about this in lets say, 6 months time or so. I dont know.
In any case dont freak out. The chances are the kid only wants to move in with you because he thinks disney daddy time will be forever. I dont know how your husband parents that boy either.

In any case, talk. Make a discussion and conversation, and see where you stand.

There is also a chance BM wont let this happen, since in that case she will have to provide CS.

I fear that this will happen with my BFs daughter, hence the reason why he is still my BF. If that situation happens I have the choice to bolt. Being married makes it more complicated. Good Luck

Funny thing is the kids will decide to move once you are married and settled in your routine... and daddy does everything to make those visits (like eow) fun fun fun.. and gives him/her alot of attention.

Those kids dont understand that its not the way real life works.

Shell - I understand your point exactly - you thought when you got married the SS would only be on weekends - and that was a very fair assumption especially if your DH had never mentioned that SS could possibly come to live with you all full time. When I married DH I knew SS was coming to live full time - I of course being childless had no idea what that meant. It was a very rough transition one in which DH and I barely made it.

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I know you came to vent, but these "I only want him x amount of time." post annoy me. You simply cannot forget that he is your DH's son. I know you just got married, and just had a baby, but DH has as much right to see the new baby as he does his son. Put yourself in DH's shoes. Would you want DH telling you that your child can't live there?

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Yes she came to vent and yes she has a valid point about her venting - this is like a couple agreeing that they would have a child and then 6 months into the marriage one of them says you know what I don't feel like having a child sorry too bad - these situations can be considered deal breakers. 3girlsmom you also mentioned what if BM died - well that would be a totally different situation - most times when kids want to leave one parent to go to the other it is because they think it will be easier and have less rules than the parents they leave. As was the case with my SS - the first year with BM - they fought so much that he thought moving in with his dad would be easier because his dad always was the easier parent but now he had me to contend with and I am strict - so then after 3 years he wanted to move back with his mother - we let him but we also told him that this move was the final move and we told both of them that because moving a child over 700 miles just because he is not getting along with one parent can be quite costly and also gives the child too much power. When he moved back with BM after about 18 months he wanted to come back and we said no - that he had moved 3 times and that was it no more back and forth.

She is also not saying she does not want to see the SS she just does not want to have him live there and as much right as DH has to say that he wants him there she has just as much right to say no I don't want him here - that was not part of the agreement when they got married - we are always bitching that we don't have a voice then someone raises their voice and gets slammed for it - tough crap - she did not sign up for SS full time and there is nothing wrong with her not wanting him full time - not her kid and just because the kid wants to move in with the father the reasoning behind that should be fully explored and it should also be made known right up front that if they take in the SS then the father needs to back up the SM fully or this will never work. This is why 2nd marriages don't work many times - everyone want the step parents to STFU and just accept everything shoved down their throats - but now they have a baby together and I don't think it is wrong for her not to want to rock the boat so new into the marriage.

When you marry a man with kids, you should always be prepared to have them full time. What if BM died? Or went to prison? Or became disabled? Or just didn't want the kid anymore? Life happens. And surely DH loves his kid. You cannot really deny him his child.

When SD19 was younger, DH told her that she will only be allowed one move. She could come live with him if she wanted, but she had to make sure she really wanted to because then she could not move back in with her mother if she changed her mind. Neither DH nor BM wanted SD to think that it was acceptable to bounce from house to house whenever she got upset with one of them. If faced with that, it appeared that she would rather just suck it up and stay where she was used to and near her friends, etc. Maybe discuss with DH that you also are worried about the "bouncing back and forth" which doesn't make it look as if you plain don't want him there.

uh, with new baby? nooooo. but it may be all talk. you might want to see how serious he really is about it. 13 is absolutely the WORST age in my opinion. I've been through 5 13 year olds, 3 girls and 2 boys. They were just a pain my butt!

My ds12 is nearly 13, but I think he went through his 13 at 11. He is so much more pleasant now than he was last year. He was just evil to his sisters but he is mellowing out.

of 10 years i've been a step, i only actually had to take ss17 for 2 months out of the whole time. several times they asked to come. i got sd21 for 2 years when her BM kicked her out at 17, senior year. i just now got that skid off my payroll.

counting down to 18.........6 months to go!!!!

I think you need to ask yourself how you would feel if you didn't get to see your new baby every single day. It's no different for your husband. Those are his children. He loves them the same way you love that new baby.

Why? What changed in his life that he now wants to live with you?

If there is something happening at his BMs house that compromises his safety, then yes, he should move in with you.

If he doesn't want to follow BMs rules or accept some consequences for something he's done, then NO, he needs to stay where he is. You can't just up and jump when the grass looks greener. That isn't the way the world works.