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Hubby wants to invite intolerable sd24 & 14 along to nephew's wedding

shamds's picture

We have my husbands nephew’s wedding reception in a few weeks, hubby asked me last night is it ok to invite his daughters along (the 2 sds who put me in my rightful place beneath them all, who rant about bio mum and stepdads life like they are way more important than us, who feed my kids whatever and do inappropriate things when i say no and claim its ok we’ll do it)

now sd’s were not invited specifically by nephew or his parents because they are so alienated courtesy of bio mum, when they attend family events they refuse to interact with anyone, you get a negative shunning vibe from them which hubbys family don’t want to be around on such a happy occasion

so i told hubby last night, “your daughters are out of line!!”

for starters they feed our kids inappropriate things and do inappropriate stuff and when i say no don’t do that they answer “its ok we’ll give a little”, or we’ll just do it even when in front of their dad, hubby says he told his daughters off firmly that behaviour will not be tolerated and they ask me anytime they want to feed my kids because of cross contamination and allergies of my youngest child, eldest daughter apologized and said she didn’t know.

I called bullshit on that because i said no don’t do it and she or her younger sister answers  back that they will do whatever. 

Now hubby feels sorry because of their sob story bio mum abandoned them yet surprisingly whenever we’ve met them its rant rant rant on bio mum and stepdads life.

so my feeling is, his kids have no intention of changing their attitude and behaviour and hubby should not subject me, our kids or his family to their negative vibes and shunning of them or treated like outsiders on such a special occasion. Since he can’t successfully address this 1 major thing, no one should feel sorry that they are suddenly lonely when its of their own doing too.. my sils bring it up all the time how confused they are when the sd’s come to family events because they don’t socialise with anyone like we all catch up with everyone on our life and family etc. i get hubby won’t be happy to hear this but trust me he knows his kids are intolerable but to him, they are his kids and he needs to try. Me?? I don’t feel any obligation to suck it up just to keep the peace


shamds's picture

Reception and the parents are sponsoring it (they’ve invited their family) meaning its upto their siblings to invite their kids.

its a known thing that hubbys 3 kids shun everyone. So i’m going down the line of “well you know they aren’t pleasant to be around and just shun everyone and it spoils the mood and makes the family wonder why the heck they came”

heck they don’t even congratulate the bride and groom (their cousin and cousin in law) on their marriage... 

at least with me and hubby even with his nieces and nephews we catch up with the kids and family and our kids love meeting one another and we have a great time.

i’m drilling it into hubby firmly that your own kids with their attitude and behaviour put themselves in this loner type situation so why should you subject your family to their shunning. They barely socialise with anyone and if anyone in family strikes a conversation with them its an awkward laugh, or yes/no answers or sd14 favourite is play with toddler toys or sit in a corner with her sister reading a book (yes they do this at a wedding)

they do not understand the concept of wedding etiquette so its like you want to avoid contact with people but yet you come to a family wedding... hmmmm then they don’t socialise with their cousins their age and are glued to hubby, like sit right next to him because god forbid a cousin their age wants to catch up. Luckily hubby always makes sure there is a spot next to him just for me. No way he’d let sd’s sit right next to him like protective miniwives and i’m shoved in a friggin corner. His sisters would raise hell with him on that!!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

So just say NO. Be breezy and matter of fact, but leave no wiggle room. "No DH. Your older kids have shown repeatedly that they do not like me and do not want to be part of a blended family. Stop trying to force the issue when we are like oil and water."

Quit beating around the bush and entertaining his delusions.

shamds's picture

I only have to remind him like a million times... at times when hubby is in major denial he claims they love me like a mummy... thats when i lay the facts... did they love me when they disrespected me? Did they love me when they answered me back and behaved that they were far superior to me? Did they love me when they shun us and to covertly do things behind our backs.

ESMOD's picture

"now sd’s were not invited specifically by nephew or his parents because they are so alienated courtesy of bio mum, when they attend family events they refuse to interact with anyone, you get a negative shunning vibe from them which hubbys family don’t want to be around on such a happy occasion"

It is NOT your husband's place to invite extra people to the wedding or reception.  Clearly his family is not interested in them attending.

Now, technically if the invite included and "family".. then his minor daughter might qualify.  But an adult 24 yo should have her own distinct invitation from the couple and if they didn't give her one.. she is not welcome.

This is nothing about being guilty.. HE has nothing to be guilty of. His family don't want them there.


Siemprematahari's picture

now sd’s were not invited specifically by nephew or his parents because they are so alienated courtesy of bio mum,

This shouldn't even be an issue since they were not invited and your H should know better than to invite them, especially without an invite. It's not proper to do so, and he shouldn't take it upon himself because he's feeling some type of guilt. If his daughters presence were desired, I am sure an invitation would be extended. It's very tacky of your H to even think that's ok.


shamds's picture

Just last week the mother of the groom handed a dress for my daughter to wear at the wedding in matching colours of hubbys family side and said i hope to see you there since i just recently flew in from overseas. There was no asking is ss or sd coming along. Any group invites sent are to the family members on their chatting app to bring their spouse and their children that regularly attend, ss and sd’s do not behave like family members.

like another poster said above, hubby needs to stop making me interact with skids or be in their presence when its like oil mixing with water. So when/if hubby brings it up again i will simply remind him you know your kids don’t actually socialise or mix with your family and avoid any communication so why bring them along when they just paint hubby negatively. 

Mind you i have major issues with the eldest daughter who is turning 24 and still demanding daddy pay her an allowance for at least another year (she has been in fulltime graduate employment since 10.5 months ago) and now hubby has been guilted to work longer to financially support her while other cousins younger than her have taken out home loans themselves to buy a home and live on their own as single people but somehow princess precious can’t manage it and loves to guilt daddy. So i will remind him i do not respect or want to be around his horrible kids and he shouldn’t subject his family to them either...

if family were important, his kids would make an effort, they have not and hubbys family know that and are very disappointed in his kids