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Tax Refund Season

SeeYouNever's picture

I really don't envy the people who have to navigate sharing the expanded credits with BM, DH never claims SD14 so we don't have that issue. 

But I did have some other issues this year. 

BM always tries to extract big money from DH around tax season. It's also time to sign up for summer programs and this year SD wants to go on a travel program which is stupid expensive, $5000 for a week to central america. DH says no, it's too much money. BM rants that this will help her get into college, he's a lousy father, she knows he's got the money, where is all his tax return, it should be spent on his child, etc etc...DH didn't engage and said to me "if I'm paying $2500 for someone to go to central america it's going to be us." BM is refusing to let SD come to our house (what else is new).

The other issue is that our refund came into a joint account that DH basically ignores. It's mostly my account but his name is on it. It gets some money from each of my checks and is used for daycare cost and to pay a home improvement loan. Usually the refund went into DHs account and he'd give me half. This year it went into the bill accont and my husband acted weird about it. Frankly we need to keep it for a rainy day and I don't think that needs any more explanation.

He started asking weird about it after BMs rant and I think if he had easy access to the account he would have given her the 2500 for the travel program. Bullet dodged, I need that money for daycare costs for our two DD's!!


Winterglow's picture

HOW MUCH?!!! Will she be residing in the bridal suite of the local Trump Tower?!

You don't chuck all your money away as soon as you get it, you put it aside for a rainy day. Imagine you suddenly need urgent repairs to your car.

FWIW, if you want an educational comparison, one of my daughters is currently in NCY studying.  Her room, tuition and her flight from and back to our country are covered in the cost. How much? 20,000€ for an entire school year. She covers all of the extras herself. So, you'll forgive me for thinking that 5000 dollars for a WEEK in Central America is a bit excessive.

SeeYouNever's picture

We think it's excessive too! It's basically and elaborate touring vacation dressed up like an educational volunteer thing. DH said of course BM sees "volunteering" in only a self serving light. 

And ok it's more than a week, it's 10 days... As if that makes a difference.

Cover1W's picture

OSD went to that program, I'm assuming it's the same one. It's a $$$ maker for the people who run it, in the guise of "education." I think OSD was 14 too, it's a middle school program.  I was 100% against OSD going because around this time she was NOT acting appropriately, i.e. super entitled, a jerk to DH and overall a beyotch. PAS was ramping up.  But NO, cannot deny OSD.  Thank goodness none of my $ was used for it. DH was supposed to pay a %, BM a % and then OSD was supposed to find some sort of appropriate work (babysitting, etc.) to fund the final month's payment. BWAHAHAHAHA.

DH ended up funding most of it of course, OSD didn't pay a dime and in fact it was a catalyst for her leaving our home forevermore because DH was a big meanie for holding her to it. DH got no thanks, no nothing, no news of the trip. He regrets it to this day. BTW:  What he did hear from teachers posting to parents on the trip:  Kids were a nightmare to deal with in a hotel (middle schoolers!!! What do they expect?!) and OSD got food poisoning (probably ate something within her limited diet she shouldn't have or drank the water because she's one else got sick).

Thumper's picture

What? A teenaged kid going to Central America is going to help her get into college? That is  funny.  SHE is bs'ing you.

A few years ago my one family members took one of their teens to Belize to Volunteer in a Medical Clinic (Doctor in my family)..anyway, it was nice to add their Volunteering on the college app. BUT....

BUT, it did not make or break acceptance, anywhere. Who has the cash is key. Their kids went to very very expensive colleges. I am not tooting a horn just stating facts.

Your dh is in for some trouble with BM and college. Get ready.

Take that money and stash it.

Are you in the states?




SeeYouNever's picture

Yes we're in the US.

As someone that did tons of actual volunteering when I was younger I see straight through this lie. SD has no history of community service and all of her extra curriculars are for her own benefit. BM said she can use this trip to count toward National Honor Society volunteer hours. Like college, the honor society admits whoever pays. Whoop Dee Do. 

This "volunteering" is more of a photo op than actually doing anything to help other than bringing tourist $$. 

SD has DHs GI bills it will cover a lot of college, hopefully everything.  We'll see... 

I have college savings for our DDs. DH says he'll contribute once CS stops. I don't really believe him. SD and BM are not going to stop wanting money at 18.

EveryoneLies's picture

What is this Program?! How can it cost this much!??

This is freaking crazy! Glad you get to guard the money not to be thrown into the pit!

SeeYouNever's picture

It's just called Costa Rica adventure. BM only sent a screenshot of the date and price, no link so DH was supposed to pony up the money with no real info. BM keeps saying SD "deserves this" well ok if you feel that way you pay for it. 

BM acted like she did DH a favor choosing the 10 day trip because there were options for 21 days that cost $7000. Holy hell. 

Harry's picture

No trip is going to help getting into college. Maybe peace core type of program will help a little. If her marks are good. But at $5 k. This looks like a high end trip 

thinkthrice's picture

Plastic surgery tourism.

Winterglow's picture

Next time she brings it up, tell her to use her CS. That can be your DH's contribution. 

Winterglow's picture

Next time she brings it up, tell her to use her CS. That can be your DH's contribution. 

Thumper's picture

SD and BM are not going to stop wanting money at 18.


Bingo ^^^


strugglingSM's picture

If it's the same trip that middle schoolers I know went on, it does not involve many volunteer hours. They either help at a sea turtle rescue for one day - or part of one day - or do something similar in the rain forest. No college will be impressed by this trip, esp since colleges rarely ask for info about what someone did in middle school. Based on the fact that so many in step talk land are familiar indicates that it's run by some big tour company who sells it as something that will pad a kid's resume, when really it will just pad the tour group's bank account.

shamds's picture

Pay for this summer camp.

summer camp costing $5000 is a want, not a basic need and doesn't ever supercede the basic maintenance of your 2 daughters with your husband. The fact sd is his first kid doesn't change this crap.

my sds pulled the same crap, repeatedly remind my husband that they are his kids and he owes them child support indefinitely. They are now sd26.5 (fulltime job since 3 yrs ago and sd 16). Eldest sd kept pressing hubby to transfer a property into skids name. I told hubby if he were gonna do that then same applied to me and our 2 kide who were 1 & 2.5. If he couldn't do this or set up a savings account for both our kids comparable to this property he was expected to gift over, then he had no business handing over property to grown arse adult sd24 , ss20.5 and sd14 when he had basic needs of our 2 toddlers to meet

barely few months later hubby had told eldest sd he had withdrawn a huge chunk of retirement savings to buy a home for us in australia (thats solely in my name) because hubby doesn't trust brainwashed skids and their bio mum leech who controls them. Hubbys life insurance lists me as beneficiary.

exwife is fuming. Married for 16 yrs, reluctantly had 3 kids & only got half of proceeds from sale of home hubby bought with his own money because hubby successfully proved she contributed nothing, had no job for over 20 yrs, didn't raise or care for the kids and therefore should not be entitled to half of everything.

meanwhile i had been married to hubby 5 yrs with 2 kids and hubby bought a dream home in my name because he trusts me and his life insurance lists me as sole beneficiary. Exwife and skids are fuming. Thats what you get for abandoning my husband

the hypocrisy of this is sd can't be stuffed to maintain a relationship with her dad but wants a fancy trip and claims she'll get into college.... sure, sure she will

Winterglow's picture

Correct me if I'm wrong but ... doesn't your DH pay taxes on the money that will go to pay CS? And it isn't tax deductible, is it? So tell BM to bugger off, she has no say in how he spends his tax refund, and especially not for a week's holiday for a kid. It also seems to me that a tax refund is when you get money back that you have overpaid, so this was your money in the first place. This wasn't money that dropped out of the sky, it was money already paid in taxes. 

Rags's picture

I am not a brand whore when it comes to what university/college someone attends as long as it is accredited by a recognized accrediting body.  

Spending money to "get into" a school is a naive perspective IMHO and BM in this case is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Do not let your DH spend above what he is COd to spend.    Tax returns are joint funds so DH does not get to send it to his failed family unless you agree.  Since you do not agree, invest the money.  That is not "spending"  and you both benefit.

As for tax problems/solutions, just sleep with you accountant.  That is what I do.


Crr18's picture

I wish we would get some of the tax money. BM never married her fiancé after 9 years so she gets at least $7,000 back on taxes that SO never sees and is aggravated about but when he is handing out cash he completely forgets she has gotten this money. If I wasn't in his ear now he would have given SD big bucks for a trip to DIsney. We eventually settled on amount. But I could see him dishing out the money to send her on this trip you are taking about unless like always I am the bad guy. I sure hope you DH doesn't do it. Good luck. 

notarelative's picture

SD is 14 and in middle school. Four more years of high school. If DH ponies up for this trip, what trips will there be in the next four years that he will be expected to pay for? They will be all be pitched as great volunteer experiences that will look great for college applivations.

Keep the tax return money going into your joint account. If you file joint, it should not be going into an account with only one name on it. 

morrginme's picture

It was good exposure to a foreign culture, being of service, and learning history. It was also underage drinking, lack of supervision, incompetent chaperones, underage sex, and outright rape. What do they know of the foreign authorities where she wants to go? If something goes wrong do they feel comfortable with those authorities handling it? The chaperones?