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Passing along the inconvenience to me

SeeYouNever's picture

My DH left me with paperwork to mail to BM to give her permission to take SD out of the country on a vacation. She refused to tell DH what the actual dates are she just wanted a blanket statement that she's allowed to take SD out of the country. He has not been in a hurry to get this done because the post office opens after he goes to work and closes before he gets out. He also had to go find a notary so it was some tedious busy work.

He's left me with this paperwork with instructions to mail it during my lunch break and to get next day certified and insured mail. I have no idea why this became my problem. I work too. I think I may just run out of time today.

I don't understand why it needs to be next day when he's the one who is stalled in sending it it's clearly not that urgent. And why does it need all the expensive certifications too there is nothing any more sensitive than mailing a check for a bill. DH will not mail anything to BM without it being insured and certified. I don't know if this is just something the DH does or if it's something that BM demands. If he would just send things the conventional way it would get there much sooner because it wouldn't require a visit to the post office.

I'm somewhat tempted to add on signature required... I mean he wants it to be super secure right? Or is that too passive aggressive? 




Aniki-Moderator's picture

I'd be extremely tempted to run out of time. Not your circus, not your monkey. 

However, if you're going to do it, you should do it your way. That kind of paperwork? I always send as Signature Required. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

give permission until I received dates of when and where BM would be taking SD.

I agree, I would run out of time! I would also get signature required so that way she can't claim she never received it. Although the downside with COVID is they may not actually make her sign anything at all. We sent something this way to BM last year and because of COVID she did not have to sign anything.

SeeYouNever's picture

Same but DH doesn't feel the same way. I think he sees it as the less interaction with BM the better. 

That's too bad about them not actually requiring signatures because I wanted to pay the inconvenience forward one more time.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Something this way a year ago now and may depend on state! I would just ask when you go to mail it 

justmakingthebest's picture

I would for sure run out of time today but I do see the need with HCBM's to make sure any correspondence is trackable. So I wouldn't overnight or "insure it"-  what is is $.02 in paper? But I would have it certified and signature required. That way if she isn't home she has to go to the post office to get it and it is a pain in her butt too! 

Survivingstephell's picture

A blanket permission to take her out of the country?  Hmmm, I'd look at this as a gift.  Could cut down on visitation, and you will have to put up a steel wall so when this comes back to bite DH, you aren't dealing with the whining and knashing of teeth from him when this bites him in the butt.   Signiture required but maybe send tomorrow?  LOL

strugglingSM's picture

I would definitely add signature required. I would also wait until I had a free moment to take it to the post office. 

Also, Skids told us that this summer they are going on a trip "anywhere" they want...and talked about New Zealand, but DH was never asked for permission and won't be. He's supposed to be notified when they are going out of state and never has.

I thought that they couldn't get passports without both parents giving permission, but I'm not sure how the passport office would know that their parents are divorced without BM telling them and she'd happily lie. This is the same person who refused to give DH his passport after filing for divorce and told him the police would arrest him if he came to the home (even though his name was still on the lease) because she was "convinced" that he was going to try to kidnap SSs and take them abroad.

SeeYouNever's picture

Both parents are supposed to give permission, I'm not sure how they would know either, they probably only find out if the other parent brings it up, then the other parent could probably get in a lot of trouble.

strugglingSM's picture

I just looked it up and both parents have to be there or provide a notarized authorization if the person is under 16. My SSs will be 16 soon, so I guess BM won't have to ask permission. I know that it used to be 18, because my mother made me wait until my 18th birthday to get my first passport (I had my first international trip planned that year), so I would have an "adult" passport that would last 10 years and now it looks like if you are 16 your passport is good for 10 years. Looking at the price tag, I'm sure BM will try to get DH to pay for part of it...or tell DH that he can't take SSs anywhere that would require a passport because she paid for them. Always fun dealing with an immature BM. 

shamds's picture

A heads up daddy was taking them to get a passport made and in australia both parents must sign in front of a witness and dept of home affairs will call witness to verify they signed it. There is also disclaimer its a federal offense to lie meaning if 1 parent secretly applies for the passport and signs the ex-partner/ex spouses signature fraudulently on there, you just need to lodge a police report and demand that your kids are put on a no fly list. So if they check in at airport, it pings dept of immigration when they try to leave the country. 

however if both parents agree to do a passport in australia, there is a disclaimer on application that one parent has given automatic authority for other parent to fly o/seas with the kids. I often do this as living o/seas away from hubby as he is on a contrcat job so i was usually flying back and forth with our kids, never once stopped by immigration and if they reqd permission from my husband they could easily call him and he would give it.

Rags's picture


To get his first PassPort we did not need SpermClan approval.  When his PassPort expired when he was 11 we did not renew until he was 15.  In that time the rules had changed and a PassPort for kid under a Custody/Visitation/Support CO required approval from the other parent.  That was a PITA as SpermGrandHag was all worked up that we were going to steal SS away and not return him.  He was 15 and adult sized. At that time the PassPort was intended as a travel identity document.

By the time we renewed SS's PassPort we had already traveled internationally fairly extensively with SS.  At that time we did not need their approval.

Since BM is playing games, I would not only require a signature, I would require that she go to the PO to sign for it. Just for shits and giggles.