DH wants SD to move in with us when she turns 18
We have always planned on having 2 kids together. My husband rarely saw SD13 when we we're dating and when we were shopping for our house. Three bedrooms seemed like plenty.
Now that we have one baby and another on the way suddenly my husband is adamant that we should make our two share a room. Spare room is not even a shrine to SD since she never wanted to decorate it and won't keep anything there.
At first I thought he was just afraid to take away "her" room but I have come to the realization that his motivation is far worse! She wants SD to live with us while she is in college.
We only see her a few times a year and their relationship is not the best. I really can't imagine her wanting to live with us but if he makes the deal really sweet by offering her a place to stay like this she just might take him up on the offer. This is a perfect recipe for us to be supporting his adult daughter for who-knows-how-long. whenever SD does grace us with her presence at our house she usually sleeps on the couch watching movies until after midnight.
Our baby together is a girl and I really hope the second one is a boy because then I can just pull rank and give him the other room. If its a girl then my husband is going to insist that they share a room so we can leave the spare bedroom open in hopes that SD will move in after she turns 18.
I really doubt that she will actually agree to stay with us during college so if this room gets left empty for no reason and my second child gets jipped out of having their own room because of my husbands pipe dream I am going to be pissed.
I think I am just going to go ahead and begin converting that room. if he has a problem with that I am going to make him specifically explain why. I have a feeling that he's not going to admit it unless pushed.
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Making two kids who live
Making two kids who live there full time share a room because another child MIGHT live there in 5 freaking years is insane.
He has no right to make
Great point about
Great point about establishing some rules for her if she moves in an 18. definitely make sure that she is treated like an adult and not a child.
Just hope we never get to that point.
^^This^^
Daddees who want their adult children to move in with them are indulging in fantasy and wishful thinking. Bringing them down to earth with talk of practical things is a great suggestion.
You should also practice saying "That doesn't work for me"; it's SM gold, as is a breezy and dismissive "Oh, you know that would never work dear, as SD wouldn't be happy here".
Oh no. This is something to
Oh no. This is something to make an enormous giant stink about. Your kids do NOT need to share a room in the hope that SD will decide to live there during college. In fact, make clear that you are not even OKAY with her living there during college, or you will be like Momto2girls, whose SD moved in for college and then settled in for good.
This is so beyond crazy, you need to get mad and let him know.
Agreed
with all of the above.
Your DH is showing major daddy guilt! Time to shutdown that noise.
Tons can happen until SD13 goes to college, so why let a perfectly good bedroom go to waste incase! Thats ridiculous. Chances are from what I read she wont even want to. Does the BM encourage the poor relationship between your DH and SD? If so she certainly wouldnt want her living there either.
Enjoy decorating the nursery and congrats on your pregnancy.
BM definitely sabotage their
BM definitely sabotage their relationship and I can't imagine SD would want to live here. It's kind of rural and she loves to tell us that our little town is boring and haunted.
I think she will likely go to college because there's money for it already and BM is going to make her go. As for her pursuing anything useful actually getting a job that we will have to wait and see. BM lives with her parents until she got married then move back in with them until she got married a second time. XD is likely to do the same thing. if she ends up never getting married then we're never going to get her out. Though she is so boy crazy I could see a guy taking her off our hands pretty early.
As I get further along I'm just going to go ahead with converting the room into the baby's room. if I get grief from him I'll tell him that we can rearrange things if we need to when the time comes.
Why would she live with you
Why would she live with you guys if you aren't closer to a college she can attend?
I love to read about new
I love to read about new babies...Congrats.
NOPE to full timers sharing a room.
Our bm, after she divorced my dh... moved her kids into her boyfriends house whom she was involved in during my dh's and her marriage. The one skid looks just like him (BF now husband on paper marriage),,,AND his family. Anyway, BM, kicked HIS daughter out of her childhood bedroom and made her sleep in the basement.
This was so BM"s kids each had seperate bedrooms on the main floor.
GoodLuck with everything...hope this works out the way you want it to. Stand your ground ok?
He's deep in fantasy land.
He's deep in fantasy land. Are you really supposed to let the spare room go unused for five years in case SD wants to use it then? That's just nuts.
I'd have a hard time not just dismissing that foolishness out of hand, but no doubt your DH is feeling guilty over his lack of relationship with SD. And he wants to give her something like a normal family, and that means in his mind a bedroom. That's just not what the family looks like. That ship sailed long ago.
And I agree that if he keeps up the chatter about her moving in, you need to be clear that she will have household chores and household rules as a condition of living there. It can't be teenage paradise for her when you have two little ones there.
Maybe plant the seed that you
Maybe plant the seed that you'd expect her to be an unpaid babysitter ... and present that like a GREAT! idea.
I think you're totally right
I think you're totally right that he wants to give her a normal life and feels guilty he can't. Thing is she has a normal life over with BM. She has her own bedroom and a pretty normal life. My husband needs to accept that when she is in our life she is just a visitor. if he has a problem with that then the other person has to blame is himself because he's the one who treats her like a visitor.
And my step daughter's step sister? she really comes over and doesn't have a room in their house.
My husband also has a lot of plans forS college based off of my own college education and though these ideas are fine and dandy there is no guarantee that SD is going to want to follow through with it. also why in the hell is she going to want to live in our boring haunted town in the middle of nowhere when she can be in a more urban area with her mother?
Unless you live near a
Unless you live near a college that would be SD's first choice, it won't happen. And even if the nearby college is her first choice, why would SD want to live with you vs living on campus. . DH has indulged in magical thinking.
If SD ends up going to a college near you, I foresee that at the most, he'll get a few weekend visits. And for breaks, SD will be going home to BM and grandparents.
Change that when to an if
Change that when to an if every time it comes up. Don't allow him to think for one second you would be on board. If he gets nasty , park his butt in the extra room.