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Were my actions wrong? need some more input please

schicky97's picture

We were getting ready to eat dinner. all kids are sitting down, bf's son says can i says no wait for everyone. I walk in to the dining room with last thing needed, my son says "everyones here, Im going to eat," He grabs the serving spoon and proceeds,boyfriends son tries to wrestle it away from him claiming he had first dibs, My oldest says Not everyones tells my son to to put it back, and since he grabbed first he can eat last
Next... we pray, and then bf son grabs spoon and serves himself and starts to slurp his food up, couple other kids make their plate, then I tell son (who is supposed to wait) to give me his plate so i can fix it, and continued to serve that side of the table.
Bf gets ticked and walks out
Was I wrong for serving my son, and not making him go last, btw...I served myself last.


caregiver1127's picture

Yes you were wrong you were not a united front with your BF and if the shoe was on the other foot you would have been mad as well - in order for a family to work you and BF have to stand together - he doled out a punishment and you disregarded it and served your son even though he was supposed to wait until last. If BF told his son to wait and he did then why was your son not held to the same standard.

schicky97's picture

I did it because first I didnt witness bf tellin ss to wait, I witnessed my son saying "everyones here, Im eating" and then grab the spoon and watched ss try to wrestle it away claiming he had first dibs. then bf told my son to go last, we have 6 kids and he was served 4th, while ss got to go first....

twopines's picture

Maybe at the very least it would be good to set some general rules for the entire table. A couple of examples would be no one touches anything until everyone is seated, and then no one eats until everyone is served. With 6 kids, there is a definite need for some organization.

schicky97's picture

O, absolutely, I agree with organization and discipline, no matter whos kid it is, my problem was with disciplining my child and not his own.

sixteensmom's picture

How old are these kids?

Ours were raised completely differently. Mine have manners and his are socially backward. They think nothing of digging in before everyone sits. If there are six people and we grilled six steaks and some hot dogs, and everyone likes steaks, his will grab a steak, scarf it down, the. Grab another one before my son or I get one... Or they'll pile their plates so high there isn't enough for everyone, then won't finish half what's on their plate. And these are all adults!!

You've got to set some rules. I wish I'd never tried to blend our families together and worry about them. I wish I'd set my foot down and told them the new rules in our home and that was that.

I do think you should have made your son go last if that's what dh told him to do. But don't leave it at that. Talk to dh privately to make sure he knows u disagreed with the punishment but you upheld his wishes. Make sure he understands how important it is to be united and what is good for your kid is good for all.

I think ss should have gone last for being grabby.

Shine's picture

I think I get what happened here...

Your son took the spoon to get it out of the boys hand because BF just told him not to serve yet.

BF then punished your son for, well, trying to help enforce a rule. BF took out his anger on your son. He was already irratated with his son, then your son got in a scuffle with him.

I think BF was wrong. I would have said from the start, before prayer..."he was just trying to help. BS just let it be next time BF can handle it"

BF walking out was making a big deal out of nothing and just showed the kids how to work you guys against one another. To me, BF was out of line from the get go.