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Apologies and the fear of SKs invading my life again

savemysanity's picture

What a week. I should be happy, I guess, but my head is just spinning. A little background: SD21 lived with SO and me and my children for a while. She was spoiled, but we did get along good at times. She would even say I was her best friend. But I dealt with disrespect, a vulgar mouth in front of my BD10, laziness, lies, etc. She had a temper tantrum in July and has since trashed me and lied about me to anybody that will listen, even on social media.

SD16 has followed suit and hates me just because her sister does. They have both called SO a sperm donor on Twitter.

SD14 is, for the most part, a sweet kid. However, when we've dealt with these outbursts from her sisters in the past, she has admitted to us that they make life hard for her at home if she stays close to us or acts like she likes us. She has said a couple of ugly things the past couple of months, but denied one comment and apologized for the other (directed at my BS14).

On Wednesday, I got an email from SD21 apologizing, telling me how much she missed me and loved me and her dad. I don't want to be gullible, but honestly, this girl is ABOVE apologizing to ANYONE.

On Friday, SD14 texted her daddy and asked if she could come stay at our house this weekend. She hasn't been here since July.

I was FINALLY letting go of the hurt. This house is a happy home without all the drama. I honestly don't even want SD14 here because I know she'll be drilled by her mother and sisters about every detail, every action when she gets home.

I think this is the only apology that I've ever received that I honestly didn't want. I feel evil, and ugly, and selfish. Ugh.


Tuff Noogies's picture

dont you mean the "holiday gift gimme season"?
or the "holiday gift money season"? (seems lots of kids nowadays are only interested in cash. no care anymore about what a GIFT actually is!)

savemysanity's picture

That was SO's sentiments exactly, "They must be worried about Christmas." I just don't know. I just don't think she would "stoop" to apologize to anyone, even if she thought it would benefit her. She's stubborn enough and her attitude one Christmas when she wasn't speaking to us, was, "You BETTER get me something or there will be hell to pay."

hereiam's picture

I know how you feel. My SD22 stopped coming over for about 7 months when she was 15. Of course, when she wanted to start coming back over, I couldn't say no but I really didn't want her to. It only lasted for a few months, then she stopped again.

Frankly, I am glad she that stopped coming over for the simple reason that it made her lies and manipulation tactics that much more transparent.

We had a feeling that she only started coming back over because BM had no other way to get information. And we gave SD no information nor did we leave her alone at the house to snoop, so that was a bust!

You are not evil for not wanting the drama.

savemysanity's picture

It almost seems like they know things are going good here and they want to come ruin it for me. lol. The past three weeks, I've been happier than I have been in four years.

DaizyDuke's picture

OMG I have thought the same thing... like skids and BMs have this 6th sense for knowing when our life is just happily rolling along just fine without their intrusions/drama and then BAM! They rear their ugly heads to make sure that we don't forget that DH owes them something.

DaizyDuke's picture

I feel evil, and ugly, and selfish.

I go through this same battle in my head. SD15 moved in with us last May. It was a disaster from the whole decision being made and THEN telling me it was happening to lack of rules/boundaries etc. SD only lasted about 4 months and then had a hissy fit and went back to GBM. SD15 had zero contact with DH from late August of last year until April of this year and evily, selfishly, I'll admit, for me? it was heaven! I mean how awful of me to be happy that DH is having nothing to do with his daughter! But then I decided that is not why I was happy, I was happy because there was no drama, there was no fighting, there was no SD hand out for money... all of THAT stuff is the stuff I was happy to be rid of. If SD was a decent human being, I'd be fine to have her living with us, but she's not.

And guess what? SD15 apologized to DH in April of this year and promptly moved back in with us... and my nightmare started all over. Nothing has changed, SD is still the same person, her apology meant nothing, it was just a means to get what she wanted. She needed to change schools because she was failing at her school, so she needed to USE us and our address to go to a different school. Bottom line. She is using us and DH just laps it up. I hate every second of it. I secretly wish that she would fail school again, get knocked up, become a drunk or something that would make DH send her back to BM... how awful of me right?

I think it's more of a self defense mechanism. You touch the stove and get burned, you are super reluctant to ever touch that stove again right?

savemysanity's picture

You're right, I think it is more self-defense than selfishness. I was really falling apart, and it was starting to affect my health. If SO wants a relationship with them, that's THEIR business but I'm very reluctant to be around them at all.

savemysanity's picture

I know. Part of my problem sometimes is being gullible and WANTING to believe the best about everyone. I've got to accept that some people are plain hateful and self-centered.

midnyt's picture

I can sympathise, SS just crawled out of the woodwork, funny that considering its his birthday next weekend and Christmas is just around the corner, SO sees it, knows its happening but jumps on any chance to see him coz "he's my son"

savemysanity's picture

isn't it sickening? I had told SD that she really should contact her father and at least let him know that she loved him before he boarded a plane the next day. She never did, but had no problem calling him about her cell phone last month. I don't understand how people like that think. Ugh!