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Junkie SD19 invites herself for Christmas

Sarah101's picture

I am livid! Last night H gets off the phone with the cokehead drug-dealer junkie SD19 and announces to me that she will be coming to Christmas dinner--which means all day. Maybe a few days, too, because SD19 will of course want to stay for a hot shower and a warm bed, and food in the fridge.

I uncorked on him. Don't I deserve to be ASKED before people are invited into my home? Especially junkie drug-dealers? Don't I have a say in this decision? And, by the way, my answer is NO NO NO!

NO, I don't want to subject myself and BD12 to a day with a drug-addicted junkie in our home--especially Christmas Day. NO, I don't want to have to collect and lock up all jewelry, watches, gift cards, electronics, presents under the tree, nice bath soap, makeup, perfume, feminine supplies and wallets in the house. NO, I don't want to ask BD12 to collect and lock up all her personal items of value, IPod, and all her clothes (SD19 has a habit of announcing "that's mine!" when she sees an item of BD12's clothing that she likes). NO, I don't want to have to babysit SD19 every moment so she doesn't case our rooms and drawers when we are not looking.

I told H exactly that, and added that I deserve a relaxing Christmas in my own home. I've been working really hard and I am crispy tired. To be truthful, I was looking forward to Christmas day for movies and a nap!

H told me I was over-reacting, and that his adult children should be allowed to come for Christmas dinner if they like. After all, he does pay half the household expenses, right? And he doesn't believe that SD19 is as bad as I make her out to be, and she's definitely "not an addict." Even though he put her through a year of rehab for cocaine and pot addiction. Even though she repeatedly stole from us when she lived in our home after rehab. Even though she hasn't had a job for over a year. Even though she lives in a flophouse with other addicts. Even though SD19 admits to being high. Even though she just sold the car H gave her (for cash). Even though she physically looks like a hard case on the program "Intervention."

No, SD19 is not an addict! You see, the problem here (according to H) is me (Sarah101). I just don't understand. I can't "forgive and forget." I hate his widdle adult kids. And I would rather SD19 shiver outside in the cold than have the same Christmas dinner that is being offered to BD12. I am a hard-nosed Grinch.

You know, I've learned that you can't have a rational conversation with an irrational person. H is blind to the truth about SD19 and the rest of his loser adult kids. There is nothing I can say or do to make him recognize reality.

So I told H that if he allows SD19 into our home for Christmas day (or week), that's his choice. I will take BD12 and stay at my father's home, or at a hotel (that might be fun, actually!). We will fill up the car with stealable items, and we won't return until SD19 has cleared out. He can enjoy Christmas day alone with his precious, misunderstood, much-maligned junkie daughter. In fact, she can invite her junkie friends too, or the rest of his adult kids. Why not?

Oh, I can't wait until the economy improves and I make enough money to kick H to the curb for good. I'm stuck with him--or rather, he refuses to leave--until I can dig myself out of this disaster of a marriage. And, believe me, I am working hard on it each and every day.


frustratedinMA's picture

I would send him and sd19 to the hotel. That way you dont have to lock up any of your stuff. Kick them out for the day.

Its your home. I would remind him that you two are getting a divorce for a reason, and this is one of them. If he doesnt like it.. there is the door. Dont pull this SH*t 2 days before Christmas.

Sarah101's picture

I tried that one first. H refused to meet SD19 elsewhere because "It's his house too!" So I knew that continuing with that particular argument wouldn't get me anywhere. H won't budge from his home on Christmas.

H still has this fantasy of a big, loving blended family, you know? He sees me as the one who is preventing that from happening by rejecting his adult children. Frankly, I have endured enough abuse from those human turds and don't want any of them in my life anymore. They leech all the positive and good out of every situation.

sarahbernheart's picture

that sounds like my FH,
hey 12 y/o let's go do this together,
are we going out to eat?
I think I will stay and play my game for 72 hours and only break for drinks and pee. but never break to flush the toliet or brush my teeth or take a shower or for that fact change my clothes. too much bother.
ok well if you sure you dont want to go.
if you take me lunch then I will go
Ok we can do lunch.
how about riding the BMx bike I fixed up for you.
want to take the dogs for a walk
the ONLY benefit is that FH did not pay for the game system however he does allow little "fred" rent games while he is over.
these guys are living in a fantasy world and they are the court jester.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

Harleygal's picture

It sounds like we both are dealing with mentally ill DH's. How do you fix mental problems? Lock em up??

"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac

stepwitch's picture

Sarah, what's for christmas dinner? Turkey-a-la-pot? Heroin Pie for dessert? How about stuffing surprise? Sounds like it could be interesting. Your dh is smoking crack if he thinks that it is ok to just ruin your Christmas just 2-3 days before. What is your sd going to contribute?

Run, run away! Hold your ground, because your feelings matter. Life is not all about how our husbands horrible mistakes, is it too much to ask for a day of peace? Economy bad or whatever, don't wait! I would rather have a peaceful Christmas serving roman noodles than the drama and trauma of worrying whether your securities are going to be stolen. If you can't leave, get a drug test and make her pee in a cup upon arrival. You can purchase this pretty cheaply at the local pharmacy.... Then have hubbt do the same, because he is appearantly smoking crack.

I wish being mentally ill was a crime, then we can put all these folks in jail!!

Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!

KittyKat's picture

Hi, Sarah...

Are you still going thru with the divorce? Any chance this is HIS way of getting "a last dig" in because, face it, NEXT Christmas he may be handling things on HIS OWN...Or even MORE bizarre, this is "his way" of uniting the FAMILY, hoping maybe the "old Sarah" will come back and try to "help" poor pathetic SD as she would have done in Christmases past?

H's Ds are probably blowing him off for Christmas, but he's probably gonna sit around here and "wait" for them, just in case...I'm actually going to the movies with MY D...I think we're hitting "Seven Pounds"...what about you guys?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

Sarah101's picture

Yes, the divorce is still planned, although I am hampered somewhat by the economy. If I could sell my house I would, but in the meantime I don't want to have it forecosed on me and lose all my equity. So in the meantime I am applying for jobs that dramatically increase my income, and will have to wait until I am in a better place financially to finally buy my freedom. But my mind is made up.

H is not a mean person at all. He's just plain dumb. He lives in his nice fantasy world because the reality of how he and bipolar BM effed up their kids is probably too much to take. The family harmony he craves is not a bad thing in and of itself, but he doesn't understand that it is virtually impossible with such hateful, screwed up adult children.

I see sleazy adult cokeheads and drug dealers walking into my home. He sees little 9 year-old girls who want their Daddy. He doesn't understand why I can't love them, forgive them, and enable them like he does. So, in his mind, I am the one with the problem.

And I agree with you that he'll probably sit alone on Christmas. SD19 will blow him off like usual--addicts do that. But she'll serve up some lame excuse and he'll believe her and everyone will be happy in the end.

sarahbernheart's picture

these guilt parents are clueless..
maybe if she were trying to rehab?
I say take your valuables find a nice inexpensive hotel and have fun.
DH and skid can enjoy their little dysfunctional christmas alone.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

disgusted's picture

Oh hell "NO"...Yes it is also your DH's house..However, it is not his junkie daughters house!! She's a freakin adult and she forefeited the "privledge" (not right) of being a guest in your home when she stole from you!!! When she shows up at the house call the police and tell them that she has stolen from you in the past and you don't want her there...

In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~disgusted

Sia's picture

I would let that piece of trash in MY house around my child! I would REFUSE to cook as well! Tell him to go jump off a bridge! What a he perhaps related to bewitched DH?

Sarah101's picture

If the junkie comes into my home for Christmas, I won't lift a finger because I won't be there. Plus, all my energy will be used up by packing away anything that could be stolen before she gets there.

You know, this situation is so lose-lose for me. On one hand I lose if I allow SD19 into my home (depends on what she steals this time), and on the other hand, if H "disinvites" SD19, I'll be the big jerk and he'll sit around pouting all day. But in that particular scenario I don't have to pack up and nothing is stolen from me or BD12.

So I vote for lose-lose option #1!

SerendipitySM's picture


Since you and DH are going to get a divorce, I think this would be the perfect opportunity to have them both forcibly removed from your home. Call the police and tell them that you have a 19 yr old drug addict in your home that won't leave and a husband who refuses to leave your house even though the marriage is over. That'll teach them both that you mean business and they can see what it feels like to be treated like the trash they are and to have their holidays completed ruined as they have done to you and your family so many times before.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

frustratedinMA's picture

if she shows up.. I would frisk her before she leaves the house each and every time. Just to make sure she isnt leaving w/your or your daughter's things. I would also search her bags on the way out!!

She doesnt like it.. TOO FREAKIN BAD!

stepwitch's picture

If you are not iced in, book a flight and come have Xmas with me...

I had a dream last night that the ya-ya's plus the principlist came for Xmas dinner with was my Christmas present and I was soooo happy.

Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!