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In so much pain,

S-'s picture

I met the man of my dreams 7 yrs ago Everything about him is beautiful to me . I have never thought of another and times have been very hard and trying. I could live in a box and have nothing but him and feel true happiness. Sometimes he is hard on me but, at the end of the day I know I can be very needy and a pain:-)Even 7yrs later I want to cry when we make love for all i feel with this man that is so much my heart and soul. He has 3 children we now share a beautiful baby boy. Wow 4kids!!!! I have watched his little ones grow up. They hold a special place in my heart. His eldest 19 was once closest to me.T hings changed over time and now she and the exwife are my biggest pain:-) Which brings me to this site!!!! I am confused about my feelings for her(the 19yrold). She has trashed her father and is SO disrespectful towards me,has spoken ill of my son when her father is not around and still I have tried for the sake of my partner. He always seemd to defend her and not believe what I beg him to see. Things are not easy with children oh and an EX!!!!! My partner and I argue a majority over the kids> I can tell it has caused his our relationship to have distance. How can that not cause resentment inside for me? Now somehow in the last 72 hours I am on the verge watching it all slip away!!! Thursday his 19 yr old curesed at me> In anger I told her to get over her feelings for me> I love her father and I am here to stay!! She said she was leaving and I said goodbye!!!! During that time I called her father to say I was taking the baby and leaving until he came home. I did not want to be around her. What I didnt know..... She called her mother saying who knows what about my actions.GREATTTTTT the ex calls me screaming what did I do to her kids and to put them on the phone> So, while I had the phone to the kids it must have gotten disconnected. She called my husband saying I would not let her speak with the kids and she wanted them out of the house!!!( More Drama....) She calls me back screaming,the kids are crying and the 19yrold has called her father as well causing more drama>>> OMG the little ones are crying to thier mother they do not want to go while the 19yrold is calling the father saying i won't let them leave the house. Finally, kids are all in the 19yr olds car> I am P___ed off and go outside , she is on her phone and just smerks at me thru the car window. I bank on her windo telling her to get the H_ll away from me. Should I have done that.....NO is she a DRAMA queen and causes problems YES. I said have fun trying to get college paid for. I though forsure when her father heard her behavior he would have finally stood up for the women he loves. Instead, he was over the Ex's house for 2 hours Thursday night, wont talk to me. Have spent more time with the EX speaking in the last 72 hours then in the last 7yrs. Has told me it's over,yelled at me to leave, says I am a threat,danger to the kids.Keeps reaching out to the 19 yr old. He is a good man. Really the best I have ever known. He is crushing me so much right now the two women that seem to hate me most in life and want me away from him: the EX and the 19yrold have him under complete control> He wont sleep in our bed, will not look at me, When I try to talk walks away and when I try to kiss or hold him says, leave me alone. He has never lied to me,in the last 72 hours he has 3 times! So as my title states; I am in so much pain. My world has crashed and I do not thinK he realizes what he is doing> He is my world my best friend, I trusted him to always stand up for me,to love me when times were good and bad He is breaking my heart and doesn't seem to care!!! deep down:i thought I was his true love and if so why is he so willing to cause so much damage to me to us???? Thank you to all who read and respond. I am so lost right now!!!!


S-'s picture

He believes his 19yrold BS story and has decided to COMPLETELY turn on me>> I am freaking so tired right now and I can not sleep> SHE has just destroyed my life and put me in so much pain>>>>> The kids that treats him with NO respect and thinks so little of him, he chose to believe?/?? How could this have happend> I have always been so true and tried with him. I feel so ill over this!!

belleboudeuse's picture

This is sooo terrible. I'm so sorry for your pain.

Did your H sit down and allow you to explain your side of the story before he decided to tell you he wanted to leave you? Or did he simply listen to what his EX and his daughter said, and take those versions as the gospel truth?

I think that this is pretty telling. If he's decided to side with them, then he's not the man you thought he was. Maybe you can tell him your story in a format that he might actually pay attention to (like writing him a letter or an email). But even then, if he suddenly starts to hear you, you still have the larger problem that he was so willing to completely go off on you and end the relationship based on what the other women in his life said.

Regardless, I think you're going to have to take what he says at face value and act as though the relationship is over. The best thing you can do for yourself is show yourself and him that you are strong enough to move on from a man who doesn't trust you or respect you enough to believe in you in a crisis and at least give you the benefit of the doubt. Leave. Stay with your parents or a friend. Mourn the relationship but start thinking about how you can put yourself on a path forward.

If you do manage to tell your H your side of the story and he calms down and realizes he overreacted, the two of you still need to get to a counselor right away to figure out what the H is wrong with him or your relationship that he freaked out in such an inappropriate way.

Hugs, girl. Again, I'm so sorry for the pain you must be going through.


- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)