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Finding Other Things to Do

Rumplestiltskin's picture

So i'm finally realizing that the more i do for SO and the more i reorganize my life for him, the less he respects me and prioritizes me.

After our last fight about court, he suddenly changed into "super boyfriend" for a few days. My house needs some repairs and he called my dad, who is handy, and said maybe they could work on it together. I made sure to tell SO how much i appreciated his help. I did not ask him to do this. So my dad said ok, he can come by this weekend. Well, he comes over and my SO's mom needed help with something, so SO went to help her instead, after he was the one who requested my dad come help. No big deal, dad and i worked on it and took care of it.

Then, last night he says his mom is cooking and he told her we would go there and eat. I said ok. I went, and set the table, moved chairs, swept the floor, cleared the table, all while not being able to participate in the conversation because of the language barrier.

We get back to his place. We usually watch a movie or tv before bed, and we talk about what we want to watch. This time, he puts on the football game then the fight, not once asking if i'm ok with it.  By then i snapped and said something. Maybe i'm wrong but we always talk about what we are going to watch. I would have said ok, if he wanted to watch that but likely would have come over later and maybe brought a book. It's the lack of consideration when he used to be considerate. He tells me i'm "exhausting" and i'm smothering him.

This morning he wants me to fo to the gym with him. I said, no thanks, i'm taking my daughter to get donuts and we are getting our nails done. He says "oh, can you take SS10?"

The more you do for some people the more they despise you. 

Comments

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Yeah. Writing this out was therapeutic but i really do need to start finding other things to do. I'm going to focus more on my daughter and also the project with my dad will take up some time. SO made a big show of saying he wanted to help then totally bailed. He's out of it. Now is a good time to learn about home repairs. 

ndc's picture

I am stunned that he had the nerve to call your father to request they do the project together, and then not be there to help.  That's incredibly nervy.  What does your father think of him?  That can be telling.

 

MissK03's picture

Quick question on the language barrier.. So you live in US(?) but SO is German (if I remember) BMs are German,     MIL is German and does she speak English?

My grandparents came to US after world war 2 from Ukraine. My father clearly speaks the language (they had him late in life 50 and 42) but, I don't recall my grandparents leaving anyone out speaking in Ukrainian. Yes there were sentences and stuff, their English was broken but, they never had full blown conversations with my father in Ukrainian leaving say us or my mom out (my parents divorced when I was eight) or anyone else.

 

Does SO and his mom specifically leave you out of conversations? 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Not German, but they will talk for hours and leave me out. They have been here 45 years and own a business so they do speak English, just prefer their language. Honestly it's not even the parents or other family who bother me with that, i've just asked my SO to loop me in now and then. Once everyone was laughing for a long time and i asked him what was funny. He didn't answer and his brother looked at me and said "nothing", then everyone kept talking. My SO claimed not to have heard me. He gets lost in conversation when we are there and forgets about me. 

simifan's picture

They are deliberately being rude and leaving you out on purspose. Leave everytime it happens. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

It's true. And now to find out that while he was ditching my dad yesterday he was also hitting up these women he went to college with on Facebook, and they are planning to meet up for a 'reunion.' Fk. That. Bullsh!t. They are from his country too and one of them is recently divorced. They can fking have him!

CLove's picture

So did he love bomb you into this relationship and now is getting back the roots of who he is?

Or have you "tried too hard" to make things work, and end up being doormatted?

Seems like he is now into the reality of the relationship and is showing you who he really is. Believe him. This doesnt get better. You deserve better.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Thank you. I think there was definite lovebombing, both at the start and last week after the court fight. Also i do think i have over-committed to him and lost sight of who i was over the past 2 years. I have totally reorganized my life around his schedule, and i hate to admit, i haven't been as good of a parent to my daughter. I actually would leave her home alone to sleep at his house sometimes (a few doors down but still), because he wanted me to stay there. Everything was alwaya around his schedule. He works nights and he has zero kid-free nights at home. I think he does want the benefits of a relationship (sex, childcare) but also wants freedom to seek the attention he can't live without. I know i have become less mentally healthy and less of a good parent in this relationship. I have to find the courage to go no contact. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I think he tried in his own way, but his lifestyle does not go with mine. It's just too much of a stretch. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

These 2 ladies he has reconnected with on FB are also from his country, and one is recently divorced. He wants to go out of state for a "reunion" of all the people from his country that he went ri college with 25 years ago. So far it's just these 2 sisters going. I should probably leave them to it. His parents will be happy if he hooks up with one of them, no doubt. Then nobody has to worry about including anyone.