confused
I have a 7 and 11 year old SD. Me and bf have been married 3 years and I still have a hard time with this step parenting thing. A lot of people tell me that I am supposed to love my sd as my own, I do love them so much, but I don't know if I love them as I would love my own. It is so hard for me because I can't talk to my husband about it because i'm afraid it may hurt him. He is so close to his daughters. Is this because I don't have children of my own?? Does having children of your own help you to be a good step parent because you already know what you're doing?? Another thing that is hard is me and my husband not having any time to ourselves. We have the same off days which are Tues. and Wedns. and we have the girls both days. I feel him and I have no time together any more. It just feels like me and him had no time to bond as a couple. I love my sd and my husband but it is so hard. Does anyone feel me??
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YEs, my DH and I have four
YEs, my DH and I have four that live with us and two that live two states awy that we rarely see. We never have any alone time, we usually have family and friends come by every night and the kids friends too. It strains you. It akes a lot of effort to get to know the kids and love them. Think of it this way, if either were in danger, you would do anything to help them right? Communication is key if you want to grow together as a family. Take one on one time with each of the kids and happy. Your marriage comes first, so your kids will be happy in a stable enviornment.
You need to make time for
You need to make time for just the 2 of you if it's going to work. I have 2 kids and he has 2 kids. One of the silver linings of our situation is every other weekend we are just alone. I really helps to put things back in perspective.
But don't be too hard on yourself. Yes, it's hard to tell your spouse about your frustrations with his kids and he's bound to be defensive about it, but it doesn't change the fact that you have the right, and the need, to talk with him about. Don't be too hard on yourself. Love them as it feels comfortable and not worry about if you love them "enough". I've been a SM for 3 years and I still beat myself up a bit at times about not having nearly as much patience, interest or toleration in my SK as I do by BK. This website has helped put that in perspective. On the flip side, my SK don't have nearly as much interest, patience or toleration in ME either so it sort of washes out.
Nothing's perfect and that's OK. But start with time with your hubby and work from there. A few hours, a date even, can make a huge difference.